Imbeciles, Idiots, And Fools
by LazyCatFish
Summary: Six members of the Jin estate are kidnapped by the Wang Long. Can they survive the storm of trials forced upon them by the imbecilic god of the seas?
1. A Better Way To Sate Baozi Lust

A Better Way To Sate Baozi Lust

After a battle. The five Sima Shi, Zhao, Wang Yuanji, Jia Chong, and Shi's bodyguard Fang Chi sat down at a tea house table, With blood all over their clothes and in total silence. Shi and Qi sat across from the three.

Jia Chong was beginning to peel an orange but suddenly Qi took the orange and stabbed a chop stick into it and squeezed the juice into Chong's tea cup with his hand. At this moment! Orange juice was invented by a lowly bodyguard.

By height and slender size, Qi was two inches taller than Sima Shi (Yep, he's six feet tall) Qi made him look short. Shi wondered why his father employed this tree to be his bodyguard? Was Sima Yi being cheap in the protection of his family? From his history that was possible. Fang Qi proved his worth in Sima Shi's eyes otherwise today. Meat bun wise.

[Three hours earlier. Wu Zhang plains]

Sima Shi thrusted through the battle field with his extra long rapier! After cutting off the heads of five peons and watching as blood spouted like a geyser from their neck stumps, He heard a high pitched battle cry and saw two medium sized giant four edged blades fly pass his head and cut a row of even more peons in half at the torso! He turned and caught the glimpse of Fang Qi who he abandoned at their HQ. For Qi's own survival.

"I will protect you! Lord Sima Shi! As promised!" Exclaimed the young bodyguard as his blades flew back into his hands.

"I don't need your protection! Go back to base and stay out of my way! This is D.W 8 stages not D.W 4!" Shi replied taking down a shu general with a musou attack.

"Oh, Really? My lord? This is D. W role play! Not four or eight! Everything is possible! This is the closest universe to D.W: Strike Force!" Qi thundered. Strike Force was on... crack! Believe it or not!

Annoying bitch Jiang Wei appeared out off no where (from Zhuge Liang's teleportation spell he casted on him which back fired on Liang and killed him but still sent Wei.) and tried to back stab Sima Shi. Fang Qi immediately acted and flung his star at Wei's pretty head but didn't cut his head off cuz a thing called PENNE-VOLENT[Yep, Italian pasta] (mithril) PLATE ARMOR ! Which reflects the criticals on swords and weapons of sharpness!

[Fun Fact: This was once Zhao Yun's armor and that is why he never received injuries in his life!]

"Hah! Hah! You think you can injure me? My penne-volence protects me!" Boasted the whiny voice of Jiang Wei.

"Your penne-volence is a load of crap!" Qi said coming to a dead lock with Jiang Wei, "With your attitude and voice... I bet you are a eunuch! Jiang Wei!"

"You smell like estrogen and blood! I believe you are a girl!" Wei replied back. Wei can smell women? Is that his special ability?

"I'm covered in blood!... You are smelling me? What are you? A dog?... Riding Zhuge Liang's leg!" Qi laughed in Jiang Wei's face.

"Never! Supreme chancellor would never let any dog do that to him!... You give the Simas blow jobs!" Jiang Wei defended meekly.

"Everybody in the {wei, jin} army has to give that to Simas... It's a requirement! I guess your sad cuz you don't have the junk for it!" The bodyguard is lying. They don't give those to Simas... Or do they?

Sima Shi glared at Fang Chi and remarked, "Qi! No, Conversing with the enemy!"

"In the old 'D.W: extremely Fictional Legends' there was always a battle of tongues before a fight!" Qi boasted. "Like the battle of superficial couples! Or jackass sisters!"

Suddenly a thunder wave blows Wei, Qi and Shi a few feet back and they land on the ground with Chi on top of Sima Shi and Wei flew away to who knows where...

"Zhao! Fool, What are you doing? Fang Qi! Get off of me! You imbecile!" Shi kicked Qi off, Who stands back up, a little ashamed, adjusting his armour.

"Sorry, Brother... I didn't see you there." Sima Zhao muttered thinking about the inherent consequences. Zhao isn't the brightest eldritch knight. 'I thought I saw a… Nevermind.' Zhao said to himself.

"You could have killed us! Where did Jiang Wei go to?"

"He just... Flew away..." Fang Qi gazed out into the distance.

"Ah, Good. Now we don't have to deal with him." Zhao cheered hoping not to piss off his bitchy brother.

"I agree. Jiang Wei is a nuisance." Shi acknowledged his brother's statement. "Everyone, Advance!"

To the north the group saw the pale figure of Jia Chong milking a peon of his blood into several buckets.

"Zhao, Why is your best friend draining shu soliders of their hemoglobin?" Shi asked in an asshole elder brother way.

"... He said something about painting the walls red in his house… or maybe he drinks it… or that time in a peasant village that cried CHIANG SHIH! cuz something attacked Chong but Luckly I killed it with a blue fire ball… possibilities…" Zhao was unsure… Don't blame him! His insight roll sucked.

"You are useless… Come on!" Shi began to advance once again but Zhao didn't move his ass, "Idiot! You have to help! I can't be the only one taking out the trash!"

"You said I was useless… So I will be useless, brother… I will just sit here until Yuanji or mother gives me food… I'm hungry… then I will help you." Zhao's reply only made his older brother even more frustrated.

Shi resisted the urge to kick his baby brother even though their parents wouldn't give a crap. Sima Yi would encourage him to. "Zhao! In case if your dense brain hasn't figured it out we are in the middle of a BATTLEFIELD!"

"Oh, It seems like your original character body guard is protecting us! We will be fine brother! Come sit and eat some baozi!" Sima Zhao sat on the ground and took out a whole bag of meat buns. The fluffy wheatness tempted Shi and he couldn't resist!

"Where did you find these?" Meat buns rolled in Shi's eyes.

"If you haven't noticed older bro! These floating baozi are littered upon the battlefield! If we hoard these on easy mode… We will get rich! And will never suffer from baozi withdrawal." Zhao revealed.

"We will have an endless supply! I knew you had some use in you, My son! Let's go get the levitating baozi! So Zhang Chunhua doesn't have to cook the diarrhea inflicting hot pockets that she calls baozi!" Emerged a air suspended Sima Yi with his horse whip.

"You stay here! Zhao and beat the hell out of Jiang Wei. I'm better than you at finding baozi! Let's go! Father!" Sima Shi followed their levitating father to some distant place on the map.

Fang Qi stopped killing people and asked Zhao a question, "Why is your dad? Levitating?"

"Maybe it was the meat buns he has aten over his life time that had given him such an ability…" Zhao wondered and tried to take a bun but sadly his dad and bro took the bag with them.

"Oh… Wait! Lord Sima Shi! If you eat too much of baozi you will get the ability to levitate!" Qi chased after Shi. "Levitation and heart disease isn't the best combination!"

"What is better to eat other than baozi?" He asked Qi. There was NOTHING better than baozi! The Mac Donald's food of ancient china.

"Rice, veggies, a little chicken,and a flask of wine!" Qi exclaimed happily.

"You are going to cook it?"

Wang Yuanji and Zhang Chunhua arrived at Sima Zhao's sitting position. "Zhao get your ass up." The two said together.

Suddenly Xing Cai rode by atop of her shield. She tried to slash Wang Yuanji but the french-chinese girl kicked Xing Cai's shield and the shu girl rode air bound until falling face to the ground.

EPIC FAIL!

"Where did your father and brother go to Zhao?" Chunhua inquired.

"Baozi hunting."

"After this worthless battle… I was going to make baozi as a reward for good work." Zhao's mother pouted.

"Father said that your baozi was diarrhea giving." Zhao exposed.

Chunhua was angry but she refused to show it, "Ahh, So that is what he thinks about my cooking…"

Chunhua was going to have her revenge! Laxative wise! Upon her imbecile husband.

A spear flew at the three. Zhang Chunhua and Wang Yuanji dodged it with ease. Zhao only had to move his lazy ass to the left.

"Zhao Yun? You are supposed to be dead! Didn't your killer wife kill your lazy and uncaring pathetic self?" Chunhua said to the new comer.

"I am a dragon! I can live for thousands of years! Weak mortal!" Zhao Yun turned into a jade colored dragon!

"Holy shit! I'm getting out of here!" Sima Zhao began to run until Wang Yuanji tripped him.

"Zhao, We are going to slay this dragon, Together! I call upon you primal ice goddess of forgotten name!" She said turning into her demigod mode. A pretty blonde ice fairy. Ice and light emitted off of Yuanji. Everything that was inanimate turned to ice.

"Damn, Yuanji."

"In that case... I shall do the same… Death flower! Make up!" Zhang Chunhua began her transformation. She turned into a goddess with long wavy hair and a revealing tight dress (not the hookah dress.) of purple velvet and black vinyl. The darkness element caused everything around her to wither and die.

"Mother!"

Both mother and daughter in law began their battle against dragon Zhao Yun. Throwing ice and threads of darkness.

"Zhao! Get your sorry ass here and help your mom." Chunhua pleaded.

"Fine, Mother. I call upon the patron of the sacred blue flame! Lend me your fury!" He transformed. Wearing flowing and glowing blue robes and armor with blue fire on the edges. His hair longer and a bit more of a mess. Imagine Zhao as a character from Street Fighter. Nah, That would be wierd as well.

"Time to die! Little dragon!"

[ A/N: I had problems with hot pockets! In the past where I would get a horrible case of you know what. What do they put in that crap? Genetically modified food is not good for you! Remember! People! Pre-made U.S food is bad! ]


	2. Wholly Mother Of Meat Buns!

WHOLY MOTHER OF MEAT BUNS!

"You called me? Father?" Shi asked Sima Yi who sat at his desk.

"Kaguya got something for me," Sima Yi took out a plate which had a rectangular steaming bread. "This is what the future calls Hot Pockets!"

"THAT IS THE FUTURE OF BAOZI? A DISGRACE! It needs to be round and fluffy instead of a long… ugh! I can't stand this! Get rid of it!" Shi bursted out crying over the abominable baozi.

"You are not going to try it? Shi?"

"Never! Father! Send it through a black hole with your magic! It doesn't even look consumable!"

"Very well." Sima Yi used his magic and threw the diarrhea giving pocket through the black hole.

Shi started to calm down, "I will be leaving, Father. I have a dinner to attend to."

"I wish you well, My son." Yi nodded as Shi left and his wife arrived.

"Yi, I have made you some baozi."

"Oh? Leave them on that table." Sima Yi said starring down at scroll. Not making eye contact with Chunhua.

"Or would you like something else? … Yi?" Zhang Chunhua spoke in a lewd tone.

"Yes, yes. Go do that." Sima Yi said dismissively.

"Yi!" Zhang Chunhua exclaimed slammed her hands on Sima Yi's desk.

On impact Sima Yi's hot tea spilled smearing the scroll that he was reading. To wipe off the tea Sima Yi used his bare hands.

"Arghh, aaahh!" Sima Yi screamed running in a personal circle. "Hot, Hot!"

Zhang Chunhua placed his hands on her own meat buns, "Are these cold enough? My dear?"

Yi began to laugh deviously, "Yes, My love."

Before they could continue. Zhao entered the room and yawned, "Dad, Mom… I ...Can't fall asleep…"

"Imbecile! It's twelve in the afternoon! Go do something productive!" Sima Yi grabbed his horse whip and threatened Zhao with it.

"Yeah, you two are doing something productive. Anyway, I don't have much to do; Wang Yuanji ignores me and Jia Chong doesn't get up until six pm." Zhao muttered.

"Hmm, he slepts in so late. I wonder what he does at night if he sleeps in so late." Zhang Chunhua pondered.

"I don't wanna know." Zhao stammered.

"I don't care! Zhao leave us!" Sima Yi demanded. "Now, where were we? Hmm?" Sima Yi caressed Zhang Chunhua.

"I'm still here, father!" Sima Zhao belted.

"Your mother and I are busy! Go pester your brother!" Sima Yi snapped at Sima Zhao.

"Shi said not to bother him… I think I will practice my magic…" Zhao smiled and left his parents.

"Good," Zhao closed his father's office door and walked down to Jia Chong's room. The pitch black room was dead silent. He opened the door to see his goth friend asleep on his bed. Zhao shaked Chong and realized that he wasn't breathing. He was dead.

"Chong! Don't die! I need you to be dirty for me… No, That sounded wierd. I mean... I need you to kill assholes for me!" Still there was no reply. Zhao called out to Wang Yuanji.

"What is it? Zhao?" She requested.

"I think Jia Chong is dead!" Zhao whimpered.

Yuanji sighed and opened the curtains of Jia Chong's room. The sun rays shown brightly through the windows. Chong hid under his bed away from the sunlight.

"Yuanji! Are you trying to kill me?" He hissed at the fake blonde. Not coming out from underneath his bed.

"Heh, I knew that would work." Yuanji laughed to herself.

"Yes! Are you trying to kill Jia Chong? Yuanji?" Zhao took the side of his best friend.

"If you haven't noticed… Your best friend is not human anymore, Zhao. His skin is pale and his eyes are cyran blue…" Yuanji exposed.

"My friend's… Super human?" Sima Zhao questioned.

"No… He's a… Jiang Shi or Chiang Kiang. In eastern european words, a vampyre." Wang Yuanji confirmed.

"I didn't know Yuanji had such a knowledge of the supernatural." Sima Zhao remarked praising his wife.

"I'm still here, You two." Jia Chong growled his voice muffled as he hid.

"We will let you sleep, My friend."

Zhao took Yuanji by the arm and they left.

Sima Shi made it down to Fang Qi's quarters who promised him a 'healthy meal'. He found the bodyguard no where to be seen. So after a while of waiting in the parlor. He went to search out Fang Qi. He wasn't in his bedroom and study. So he went to check out the private bathroom.

He entered and in that moment Fang Qi(chi) raised from the water totally naked. Qi was a female! She had a typical tecmo rack you would see on a chick from Dead Or Alive. See Tecmo is intruding in games we love and making them a double D 'meat bun' fest!

"WHOLY MOTHER OF MEAT BUNS!" Shi thundered covering his nose as a river of blood bled from his nose.

"Master Shi!" Qi screamed dropping into the water.

"Please forgive me…" He begged painfully and ran outside her bath and down the hall. Zhao and Yuanji heard the ruckus and made their way.

"What is the problem? brother?"

"Qi is a woman!... Meat buns!" Shi cried frantically.

"Obliviously." The couple laughed in unison.

"I have to speak to father."

Zhao chuckled, "Dad knows as well. He wanted her to be your bodyguard."

"Why?"

"I don't know what goes through father's head, Shi." Zhao sighed. "Don't bother father. He's with mom at the moment."

"What will I do now? Why did she dress up as a guy?"

Zhao rubbed his head, "You don't remember the eldest daughter of scholar Fang Sung who had only daughters. But refused to adopt because he was a firm believer in keeping the family blood pure? Qi is his heir and was raised so."

"That is why she knows how to fight. This is interesting." Wang Yuanji pondered.

"Yeah! Father picked her cuz he thinks you would like chicks who can defend you." Sima Zhao added.

"That's why mother is better than father at killing people." Sima Shi elaborated.

"Heh, I don't know about that brother."

"I'm going to make sure Qi is okay." Yuanji escused herself and entered Qi's quarters.

Jia Chong finally got to sleep (under his bed) until… "I smell blood… Hmm."

But sadly Yuanji left the window open. He was trapped in this position until sun down.

"That stupid blonde."

"That was so embarrassing." Qi muttered as Yuanji handed her a towel.

"You are not the only one who is thinking the same." Yuanji meant Sima Shi.

"Though I must admit: It was funny." Fang Qi giggled drying off.

Wang Yuanji's disposition didn't change much though a small part of her thought the same. She fell in the same position with Zhao on several occasions. The details of the outcome of these frequent occasions… Yuanj rather not exploit aloud.


	3. Death By Baozi

Death By Baozi

Later that day. Sima Yi ate one of the meat buns his wife made and continued to work. They tasted awful but he was so hungry he still devoured it anyway. It tasted kind grainy and a bit dry.

'Hmm, Chunhua must being using whole grains in her cooking.' Yi thought to himself, taking another bite out of a baozi.

Then Sima Yi felt a rumbling in his intestines. "Oh, shit! I'm going to crap my pants!" Sima Yi exclaimed running to the bathroom.

Sadly, Sima Yi sat on the toilet for half the day. His family became worried. Except for Chunhua.

"How long has father been in there?" Sima Zhao asked, about to eat a baozi.

"For twelve hours. No need to be fearful, Zhao. Your father was constipated yesterday." Chunhua acted nonchalantly like her husband sitting on the toilet for twelve hours was a normal occurrence. But inside she was laughing her homicidal psychotic ass off. 'Heh, Heh. Happy Birthday to me! Ha, ha, ha!"

"Should we check on him to see if he's alright?"Shi inquired sitting at Sima Yi's desk, placing the bowl of baozi on the desk.

"You know how your father is … Shi, don't eat that!" Chunhua slapped the dysentery inflicting baozi out of Shi's hand and grabbed the bowl away from her children.

"Mother! I was gonna eat that." Zhao cried.

"Oh, no. Zhao the baozi are bad.

Do you want a tummy ache?" She asserted with a tone of inquistiveness. In her mind she was actually provoking him. 'Yeah, you can eat that… If you want to crap your pants like your father. Go on eat it. Unless, you love your mother's cooking that was cooked with motherly affection!"

"They didn't look bad to me." Shi added, Shi found his mother's latest actions suspicious. Zhang Chunhua would never take food especially baozi away from Zhao. She would take baozi away from Shi and give it to little Zhao, though. Zhao was a fat kid growing up. She over nurtured Zhao to the point of excess. That's why he expects his mom to do everything for him. She even got him a girlfriend. Yuanji. The only friend he had was a kid named Jia Chong who was an oddity and liked to rip off the wings of butterflies amongst other things...

"Oh, yes they are. They have fungus on them." Chunhua confided.

"They didn't have fungus on them. Come on, I'm starving." Zhao complained.

"Zhao don't act like a peasant." Chunhua scolded her son. With that Chunhua threw the bowl of baozi out of the window.

"I don't care. I'm going to check on father." Sima Shi opened the bathroom door and gazed down at their limp father. He tried to ignore the stench and pushed his father on the shoulder with his claw gloved hand. "Father… Isn't responding… Awake you lout of a father!"

Their father was dead?

"Mother, Brother! Father is dead…." Shi cried out to his family.

Chunhua grunted, "He's probably sleeping." She kicked Yi's body with her right foot.

"Mother! Don't kick Father!... He will blame me later!" Zhao said after his mom.

"Pish posh! He won't even know,Son." She laughed a little.

"I should have never married a 15 year old psychopath… Hmph, Never thought I'd die in a pile of my own shit… DISGRACEFUL!" Busted the ghost of Sima Yi. Who looked over his own dead body.

"I always knew you were full of bullshit, Sima Yi." Mocked the voice of another ghost.

"Xun Yu? Why are you still here? You died over 20 years ago!" Yi retorted then immediately.

"You will find that all the dead wei generals are here, As well." Xun Yu exposed as more ghosts formed from the mist of the astral plane.

"At least we both are not as FULL OF SHIT like Guo Jia." Sima Yi laughed it off.

A pool table mystically appeared out of thin air in front Guo Jia he began to play.

"No, Actually both of you are wrong… Xu Shu is full of shit." Corrected the blonde pool player.

Both Xun Yu and Sima Yi could agree with that fact to no end, "When you tell that to his face… He'll run away and cry like an infant or passively takes in the abuse."

"Is Xu Shu here?"

"He went over to the Shu ghost kingdom to see Zhuge Liang."

"Zhuge Liang is also full of shit." The three could also agree on that.

"So, Is there any benefits from being a ghost?" Sima Yi asked the two tactical geniuses.

"If you wanted to you could inhabit a inanimate object and haunt your family." Guo Jia chuckled thinking about what Sima Yi would choose.

It didn't take long for Sima Yi to make up his mind, "I will choose…. My hat!"

The two began have a fit of uncontrollable laughs, "I knew it!"

"You think I would possess baozi?"

Xun Yu stopped laughing and said, "That is actually not a bad idea… If we possess baozi and are aten we can probably possess that person's body!"

"You mean their stomach."

"We should tell lord Cao Cao." Guo Jia claimed shooting a ball across the table.

"I believe your father is dead." Chunhua sighed to her two sons.

"When do you want to have his funeral? Mother?" Sima Shi asked Chunhua. Trying not to cry for his father.

"As fast as we can! We don't want to disturb the spirits." Chunhua dragged her husband's body to a cooler place: The basement.

"Don't you think father's death is suspicious? Brother?" Zhao mentioned to Shi. After their mother left down stairs.

"Yes, I do. This has something to do with the baozi." Shi ventured out to take one of his father's baozi. He brought it back to the office and used his rapier to cut it in half. Investigator Shi found a powdery substance in the soft wheat. It smelt like that herb his mother would use to help with 'going to the bathroom'.

"May I take this half? My lord?"

Shi took Qi's wrist and pulled the tall woman back, "For now on don't eat anything that my mother cooks."

"Yes, I saw your mother throwing your father's lifeless body down into the basement." She confirmed.

Shi nodded, "She killed him."

Qi frowned, "Why would Chunhua do that?"

"We will have to ask her." He replied with a similar expression. "Yesterday…"

Qi giggled softly and tilted her head, "Don't worry about it, My lord."

"I'm not worrying…" Shi whimpered. He still couldn't get the image out of his head. "Did your parents raise you the way they did?"

Qi sighed deeply, "Zhao told you that story? It's part bullshit. I am the only child of my parents… So I was treated differently than other families who had many sons and daughters… I believe they had problems with having children. I was taught the Martial arts and given an education… Maybe I was a little spoiled."

Shi gazed down, "Why did you use an illusionary disguise?"

"Hmm, Your father wanted me to…. He was testing your recognition skills. You failed." Qi grinned.

The day after, Sima Yi's funeral was rather small.

"I expected more people to come to my funeral…" Claimed the phantom form of Sima Yi.

"I did too. But you were an asshole in your mortal life." Xun Yu said taking a sip out of his ghostly tea cup sitting on an invisible chair.

"I just can't stand idiots."

"The world is full of them." Commented the ghost of Jia Xu.

"Ha, I beat you. Now pay the bet. Pay up!" Guo Jia offered a hand to Jia Xu, Expecting money.

Jia Xu chuckled, "No, I didn't." He pulled out Guo Jia's eye and shots it into a pool table basket.

"You two are gamboling at MY funeral?!" Yi hissed at the brunette and blonde.

"Your funeral is boring." Guo Jia grinned aiming his pool stick.

Sima Zhao felt guilty,"Sorry, Father. I was a horrible son. Doing absolutely nothing but eating and sleeping. I could have done so much to prove myself in your eyes."

"I plotted to kill you father but it seemed mother beat me to it. Please forgive this imbecile son," Shi bended down at his father's grave with Zhao.

"You both were the off spring of an imbecile, My boys. If it wasn't for your mother: Your father would have neglected your well being and we would all be dead" Chunhua said truthfully.

Sima Yi grunted, "I'm dead! You witch!... You always kept me in line Chunhua! How can you say that?"

"Did you not care for father? Mother?"

"I had his children, Didn't I? Cook him food and clean his house… Now I'm free."

"You mean a widow? My lady?" Yuanji corrected the strawberry blonde.

"You will have a chance to be a widow, too. One day, My daughter… Then you will be free as well." Chunhua's smile widened.

Zhao shrieked, "What?!!!"

"That means you should treat your wifes with absolute caring and respect all your life, My sons, or bad things happen."

"Your wife scares me, Sima Yi." Guo Jia remarked listening in on the conversation.

"I thought a man whore like you would want to screw my Chunhua."

Jia moved his hair out of his face, "If she was my wife I would have died in the first year of marriage."

"You sleep with everything that moves, Guo Jia. You are dead." Xun Yu took a sip of tea.

"I still do and will never stop." Guo Jia winked at a female ghost who passed by.

That phantomess was Wang Yi, "I am NEVER going to do it with you, Guo Jia."

"Cuz revenge is your version of intercourse." Guo Jia stated true fact.

"Yes, The only person Wang Yi wants to 'fuck' is Ma Chao." Sima Yi crackled sarcastically.

A glass of wine appeared in Wang Yi's hand, "I would screw You, too. Sima Yi … But I think you would break a hip."

"I never knew you had a sense of humor."


	4. Vampires Are My Friends!

Vampires Are My Friends!

Sima Yi yawned. He was watching the never ending pool game between Jia Xu and Guo Jia. Yi decided that he was going to get even with his wife but he was unsure how to possess his hat that sat on his old desk.

He asked Xun Yu, "How do I possess my hat?"

"You just jump into the object." Fortold Xun Yu.

"I mean technical details."

Xun Yu dropped his tea cup, "The astral plane is hard to explain… Even for someone as educated as me."

"Fine, I will figure it out, Myself." Sima Yi walked through the walls to his office and at that time he heard Zhao and Yuanji have a conversation.

"Zhao, I'm not going to do that." Yuanji refused.

"It's just Jia Chong. Our best friend." He pleaded.

"You mean YOUR best friend, ugh, Have you forgotten about his condition?" Her face crushed into a frustrated expression.

"Vampire?... Yeah, So what?" Zhao shrugged his broad shoulders.

"He's an undead! A parasite! Creature of the night that thirsts for blood!" Yuanji exclaimed.

"Locking the doors… Vampire… We should tell Shi to lock his door, too, at night." Zhao moved out to warn his older brother.

I guess being dead and a ghost makes me the ultimate eaves dropper." Sima Yi thought to himself.

Sima Yi entered his office and there was his hat. He decided to take Xun Yu's advice but he had doubts. He absorbed himself into his hat. Yu was right after all!

The Sima decided he was going to frighten his wife by making the hat float in the room while she was trying to sleep. He entered her room via the door and called out her name in a whisper : "Chunhua"

"Sima Yi! Go bother your concubine! I'm trying to sleep!" Chunhua demanded in her sleep.

He didn't even wake her up. Even with all the decades they were married Yi never realized how much of a deep sleeper Zhang Chunhua was. He decided to leave the hat on his pillow for his wife to find in the morning.

"SHI! SHI! HELP ME! IT'S GOING TO HURT ME!" Qi banged on Sima Shi's door. She saw Sima Yi's hat float down the hall to Zhang Chunhua's quarters.

He opened his door and yawned,Half asleep. "What is this ruckus about? Qi?"

Qi flung herself and embraced him, "Save me! There is a ghost haunting your father's hat!"

"A ghost? Qi?"

"You mean Jia Chong?" Said Zhao who just arrived.

Qi gave the younger brother a confused look, "No, The floating hat entered your mother's room. Your father is haunting her… Besides Jia Chong hasn't left his room in days."

Sima Zhao cautioned Shi and Qi, "Yes, For now… At night lock your doors."

Yuanji rolled her eyes, "Vampires can turn into mist, Zhao."

Zhao swore under his breath. He was only trying to protect his family, "I'm only tempting to protect my family and my friend."

"I know," She supported.

"How do you kill or destroy a vampire?" Shi asked Yuanji.

"Hey! We're not killing Jia Chong! He might be a vampire but he's still my friend!" Zhao defended.

"We… May have to."

"May have to? What?" Implied Jia Chong who was walking back to his room after a venture into town. He appeared as the more lively DW. 9 Jia Chong. With more skin color.

"May have to stake you. Or use a holy relic to destroy you." Wang Yuanji explained in her tsundere way of expression.

A deep chuckle came from Jia Chong, "You all have nothing to fear from me or anyone else, As long as I am here."

"See! He's a good vampire!" Zhao patted his vampire friend on the shoulder.

Qi smiled and asked a hair brained question, "Can you fly? Jia Chong?"

"I will have to see if I can…" He grinned.

"You, Zhao. Will be responsible if your vampire 'friend' kills anyone in a blood thirsty frenzy… You will have to clean up the body." Sima Shi puts forth to his younger brother.

Zhao didn't like that he had to do that, "Fine, Brother."

Children Of The Night

Sima Zhao made sure Jia Chong had absolutely no way of getting into Wang Yuanji and his room at night. He put a scroll under his door and paper in the key hole. Holy symbols near their bed. He seemed to forget about everyone else who lived upon the Jin estate. Or maybe he was too lazy to procure their safety as well?

Meanwhile everyone else had dreams about succubus and Incubus visiting their bedroom at night. For Chunhua it was mostly her husband who was relentlessly haunting her. Jia Chong claimed it wasn't him that was trying to get into Sima Shi's bed or his body guard's either.

However at the moment... Zhong Hui was trying to edge himself into immortality and what he thought as perfection. After the discovery of Jia Chong's vampirism. Zhong Hui figured there must be more vampires out there! To make him 'beautiful' as well. He found a vampire mistress living in a opium house a few weeks later. He offered himself into her deathly embrace. (just to see himself as sexy dead thing). This is what she said:

"We need seven feet tall body guards. Not pretty boys like you."

"How could you turn me down?! I'm the chosen one!"

"You know as a vampire... You won't be able to see your reflection in the mirror... That would destroy the complete love for yourself." She chuckled menacingly.

"You want a guy like Deng Ai! That bastard! I will make sure he doesn't become a vampire!" Hui exclaimed with that high feluten voice of his. [The English version.]

"Who's this Deng Ai?" The vampire replied.

After Zhong Hui left the vampire mistress. Evading a fang or tooth. He went to search for that bastard Deng Ai! To only find out Ai had no intentions of becoming a member of the undead. For this mockery upon the chosen one! Zhong Hui made it one of his goals to kill some vampires.

"Yes, Killing a vampire must be simple." Zhong Hui reminded himself carving stake versions of his flying swords.

He wondered which vampire he shall take out first! He wasn't going to let Deng Ai live forever! He was going to kill the vampire mistress.

He was going to do that as she slept. As 'Vampire Slaying For Dummies' book says:

'The best time of day to kill a vampire is day light hours but u must know where they sleep... You watched countless vampire movies! You should know how this works now! Stake them in the heart.'

That was the problem: He didn't know where the vampire mistress slept.

As Zhong Hui was practicing his new stakes. Wang YuanJi walked by.

"You know stakes are not the most efficient way of killing a vampire, Zhong Hui." She reminded him, "You will need a true believing Christian with a cross."

Hui scoffed, "Christians live in Rome. I can just kidnap one from the silk road."

"It won't be that easy."

"No, I can just use another vampire to find the mistresse's sleeping place." He said.

"Hmm, Good luck."

"Do you know another vampire? YuanJi?"

Wang Yuan Ji's half smiled, "Well, He's a part of our group and he barely show his face..."

"You mean Jia Chong?"

"I'm not sure if he would help anyone..."

"He should be honored to help the chosen one."

"Jia Chong doesn't care about honor or about assisting others in their endeavors." Yuanji stated fact.

"Oh, I have leverage." Hui exclaimed smugly.

"For a word of advice: Be careful."


	5. Zhong Hui The Black Mailing Bastard

Zhong Hui The Black Mailing Bastard

Zhong Hui stood in front of Jia Chong's door knocking as he spoke "Chong, I have a proposition for you!"

"A proposition for me? What could you possibly offer me?" Jia Chong questioned behind the door.

"I'll tell you when you let me in."

The door slowly creaked open, Zhong Hui swiftly glided into Jia Chong's room as the door closed behind him. His room was pitch black.

"So what's your offer?" Jia Chong asked as he walked away from the door.

Zhong Hui felt the wind on his back as Jia Chong walked behind him and sat on a chair in the corner.

"There's been a disturbance."

"Your ego has been disturbed? The 'chosen one' has finally realized his imperfections?" Chuckled the vampire's ominous voice. "What is this proposition?"

Zhong Hui wasn't going to admit to anyone especially Jia Chong that his ego was bruised. Destroying the bitch that bruised it only mattered to Zhong Hui at the moment. Yet he couldn't see in the darkness of Jia Chong's room this only made Hui a little antsy about this blood sucker. What if Jia Chong tried to attack him? Drink his blood? This fricken mosquito!

Wang Yuan Ji's vampire erotica books and vampyre text books just made the chosen one's mind go off into areas where he never wanted to visit. The only person Hui would ever sleep with is himself. The only vampire Zhong Hui would screw was a Zhong Hui vampire. The sexiest man in China was Zhong Hui and no other.

"I need to find a vampire's sleeping place and I think another vampire could help me with that."

"You don't need my help with that... All you need to do is find a way to get this vampire to sleep with you and then you can stake them ...unless they have their fangs already inside you."

Zhong Hui's eyes widened with shock, "You would recommend me to become the whore of some vampire bitch?"

"I thought this vampire was a man..." Jia Chong chuckled crossing his arms.

If Hui didn't need this vampire's help, He would have tempted to stake Chong right about now. "Ugh, I cannot seduce this vampire cuz I already asked her to make me a vampire."

"You were denied... The chosen one was rejected!"

Jia Chong mocked.

Jia Chong's steps quicken it was as if he was going to run into Zhong Hui but at the last moment Zhong Hui took out a bottle containing blood.

"Oh...This is for you, Chong." Zhong Hui said giving Jia Chong the mahogany bottle. "I would be caught dead without this."

Jia Chong sheepishly took the bottle. Never taking his cyan blue eyes of the arrogant red head.

"There's more where that came from." Hui giggled with a sassy pants hand gesture.

After giving Zhong Hui a questioning look, Jia Chong gulped down the hemoglobin. Zhong Hui grinned deviously.

"What makes you think I would help you kill another vampire?"

"Its not that you freely chose to help me. It's that you are compelled to." Zhong Hui smiled brightly.

Jia Chong grasped then started to cough violently. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME! YOU BLACKMAILING BASTARD!" Jia Chong thundered.

"Oh, that bottle had a bit of garlic in it." Zhong Hui said not blinking an eye, emotionless.

"Where's the antidote?!"

"You mean the antidote for this simple concoction of the blood of 'innocent' peasants and garlic. Well, A wise and extremely intelligent person like myself wouldn't carry it on my person."

"Zhao." Jia Chong sluggishly walked toward the door.

"I wouldn't open that door if I was you. It's still daylight out side."

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?" Jia Chong hissed. The extreme pain in his chest forced him to come to his knees.

"I want you to track her down. A vampire can sense another undead with great accuracy. If you achieve this I will give you the antidote. Meanwhile the only way this pain will stop is if you feed." Zhong Hui patted the vampire on the back. "Who will you feed upon? It can't be anyone important or you will bring attention to yourself... You have to do as I say."

"After this, I will kill you, Zhong Hui... I know a vampire trick or two."

"You think you can hypnotize someone to give you their blood? You will find that your vampire abilities have been greatly weakened... The only way of attaining blood is to charm a mortal who you are familiar with..." The research paid off for Zhong Hui. "Now who will you choose? As it seems it can't be the Sima brothers, Chunhua or Yuanji their status is too high... But... You could feed upon a lowly bodyguard."

"Why would I feed upon her? She is nothing special."

"That is precisely why you would." Zhong Hui reminded Jia Chong. "You would probably need permission from a Sima." He had no qualms about sending an innocent bodyguard to be the blood bank of a thirsty vampire. "If you don't want to have a donor to relieve that horrible pain! You better hurry up with finding the vampire bitch."

"Who is this vampire bitch?"

"She calls herself... Okuni. A horny ex-priestess who is trying to build up sexy men for her vampire harem."

"What is Zhong Hui forcing you to do? Jia Chong?" Sima Zhao asked drinking a cup of wine.

"Tracking down a sleeping place of a vampire woman." He said painfully.

"Why did my brother look down when he left his office?" Zhao asked yet another question as they sat down at a bar counter.

"I asked if I could borrow that unusually tall female bodyguard of his..."

Zhao blurted out, "For late night hook ups?"

Jia Chong grimaced, "Not at all..."

Zhao didn't believe him, "You are lying. Then what is the greatest pleasure a vampire can experience?"

Jia Chong thought, He really didn't know. "Blood on just about everything."

"You would screw around covered in other people's blood?" Now Zhao regretted ever asking Yuanji for that one favor. He was thankful she didn't go along with it. "Would it be your girlfriend's blood? Then she might be dead... You both are dead... So I can't call that necrophilia."

Chong grinned and spouted his fucked up fantasy, "No, We would screw around covered in blood and surrounded by the corpses of our slaughtered enemies."

Sima Zhao decided he was no longer going to speak about bedroom talk with Jia Chong never again. This was creeping him out! "That's why the only girl who would want to screw you would be as homicidal as you or even crazier."

The vampire gave his best friend a fang smile, "I believe that would be correct."

"What did my brother say?" Zhao finally got to the point.

"He turned it around in his own way and told me that I will need to ask her myself."

"Why do you need her?"

"I need her blood to reveal the vampires hidden in society." Chong smiled and left Sima Zhao, "I have important things to do, Good bye for now."


	6. The Dervish Of Self-sacrifice

[A/N: I edited this part... Put in better words and explainations.]

"Jia Chong, Why do you need my help?" Asked the tall woman who sat down on her bed of white silk.

"You are the only person that can die and nothing would change in the time line." He replied grinning. This is the power of historically irrelevant characters or ocs! They can be used for things that could possibly kill them.

"What would my death serve?" Qi requested. She couldn't believe Lord Sima Shi agreed to Jia Chong's request.

"He originally wanted me to kill you but I realized that was the way Zhong Hui planned to dispose of me. I came up with a better plan: To kill a vampire. Hui wants me to find the sleeping place of a chaotic female vampire named harem mistress Okuni. I will give you to her as a loan but before that you must become my thrall so I can see through your eyes and speak to you." He explained. He wasn't telling her the whole truth of ill intentions or the downside of becoming a puppet.

Faced with little choice, Qi closed her eyes and came upon a conclusion; "If this must be done... I will do this for the ones I love." She untied the collar of her robe causing the black fabric to fall to her slender shoulders and her cleavage, Qi never thought of ever getting this close to anyone, especially the murderous demon that is Jia Chong. "Hurry up, I don't have all night."

Jia Chong was surprised she agreed so easily to his plan. She didn't fear death and she would willingly become a vampire's pawn. She was unbelievably brave or very stupid. A quiet chuckle passed by his lips. He lifted her delicate chin up with his pale hand. Her long black hair fell back and He whispered in her ear, "Open your eyes."

Qi did as she was told. Her violet gaze was met with his hypnotic cyan eyes. "What are you going to do to me?"

He could hear the racing beat of Qi's strong heart from inside her imposing bosom. Blood pinked her cheeks and her soft skin. She was alive. Burning from the poison started inside his chest again. Damn, That black mailing bastard!

Qi sat trembling. Her hands on her lap, fearful of what was to come next. Only looking up to the pale figure of Jia Chong with her grayish purple eyes. She waited for him to start.

"There is nothing to fear from me, Qi." Mused his smooth voice.

"That is an obvious lie, Jia Chong." She repelled not budging.

"This will not hurt," He clutched her fulsome bosom with those dirty hands of his. Trying to get on her nerves.

"JIA CHONG! I will geld you!" She aimed to grapple him with her right hand. But, Yes, This was only a way to mislead her.

Shi shuddered as he heard the scream of Qi. He understood that they needed her as the distraction to stop the evil mistress Okuni who has been terrorizing the city and countryside, killing regional officials, peasants and tempting to steal handsome men. This came at a great price.

"My son... You fool! Now you don't have someone to stand in front of you as an arrow flies by your head!" The ghost of Sima Yi ridiculed his son.

"Father would call me an imbecile... That is what I am." He slouched down over his desk.

"At least you are self aware." Yi admitted.

"Please forgive me," Shi teared up.

He latched on to her. Consuming Qi's blood. She moaned softly in the vampire's embrace. Her black hair contrasting against the pearl white of her bed. He stopped and drew his own blood. Forcing the red into Qi's mouth. She willingly drank that awful tasting blood.

Many hours later, Qi woke up with a horrible head ache. Everything seemed to pulse to her sight. Her whole body felt weak and fatigued from the loss of blood. She struggled to find the strength to get upon her feet and to the door.

Whispering took place inside her head. A voice who told her to come.

Zhong Hui sat at his desk ignores the ramblings of Zhuge Dan whom he shared an office with.

"I cannot believe that there are Vampires terrorizing helpless peasants! They must be hunted down!" He couldn't give a wedding dress to peasant Dong Long because someone drained his daughter of her blood!

"Oh... Yes, the Vampires are said to have drained peasants of their blood." Zhong Hui said nonchalantly, dipping his paintbrush in a ink well with his common yet over used hand gesture.

"Their undead blood will be spilled!" Zhuge Dan bellowed full of his own righteous indignation.

Wang Yuanji barged into the office. "I know WHAT you are up to Zhong Hui!" She slammed her hands on his desktop. The ink pot fell over and poured over his scroll like rivers.

"What am I doing?" He requested her to remind him.

Wang Yuan Ji flashed Zhuge Dan a 'leave now' look. "Oh, excuse me." Zhuge Dan said closing the door behind him.

"You are the one who killed the peasants! You drained those peasants and are blaming the Vampires!" She exposed.

"How could you possibly know how vampires feed?" Hui asked Yuanji.

"I know all about vampires! Vampires suck up blood into their own bodies! Not drain them into a total mess upon the floor! Plus, Vampires only need at least two feedings a week." She supported her claim.

"You inspected the bodies... Someone must have told you about my plans... Was it Jia Chong?" Zhong Hui sat back in his chair and rested his feet on his desk.

"Indeed, It was him."

'That blood sucking prick!' Zhong Hui thought to himself, "Why would Jia Chong tell you? Wang Yuanji?"

"No, Jia Chong told Zhao who told me and he told his older brother who told the hobo living in the garden shed... Be grateful he didn't tell his mom." Chunhua would discipline Hui in unspeakable ways that can be thought of but never spoken of or heard.

Chunhua was like the infernal matron of sadistic discipline! Though the only person she would outright punish was Sima Yi.


	7. True Intentions

[A/N: Even though I find this story immature. A week ago I had a major brain fart equal to the brain fart of Koei when they made the horrible D.W 6 and fucked up with the rating of this story. The Vampires sequence of this story is supposed to be as creepy as in creepers trying to do creepy things with seemingly normal characters. If you feel bad for the harassed or abused character know that: that character understands how you feel. For example: Wen Yang in the next chapter... Other than that I made sure life sucked for the OC Fang Qi. She may have more screen time here but she isn't the main character. You will find that the character who furthers the plot is the main character: Jia Chong and Zhong Hui.]

Sima Zhao and Wang Yuanji were making out on a love seat in their quarters. Zhao didn't like the fact that even if they were married Yuanji wouldn't 'rock the bed' with him. She wanted him to wait and so he had to comply with her wants. Yet he found that her hands were exploring more down south recently. He didn't mind at all. Maybe she was loosening up. Yet when he made a move to gentlemanly touch her boobs. She was turned off.

"Zhao? What are you doing?" Yuanji broke away from their kiss and slapped his hand away.

Zhao blushed, "I love you, Yuanji." He found himself playing more of the submissive role while Yuanji was his dominant. "You were trying to unbutton my pants."

Yuanji complied, "You were afraid to make a move until now, So I decided to take this into my own hands."

Zhao jested, "Literally it seems."

"Shut up, You big ape." Wang Yuanji moved her small backside onto Zhao's lap. She kissed him again. "Let's get to business, I have to deal with Zhong Hui later."

"Qi, Please forgive me." Shi begged taking her hand in his own. Stopping her in place.

She pulled away and replied half consciously, using a wall as support and to find her destination, "You don't need my support anymore... You are a great warrior, My lord. And this has nothing to do with you. This is something I must do."

"Did he hurt you?" Sima Shi inquired nervously.

Qi repelled defensively, Her voice taking on an unnatural tone, "He is a vampire. Pain is part of the deal... Thank you, My lord... I have to go now."

Shi went dark, "This is how it ends..." He lost the girl. His protector. A dying beacon of hope under a dark metamorphosis. If he tried to stop her: He knew Qi would lash out against him. He stopped and slid down against the cold hallway wall. Shi sat his knees against his chest. His hands covering his face.

Qi opened the door to Jia Chong's room. She stumbled in and immediately closed the door. She felt two strong arms pick her up off her feet. The raven haired woman laid her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around the shadow's neck. She was laid out on the black velvet bed. "You didn't make me your thrall."

"You survived this far. I want you to be my confidante." Telepathically said the voice of Jia Chong from the darkness.

He wasn't the type to admit that he made a mistake. In this case idiot Jia Chong almost killed Qi. Instead of facing the fact that he killed her he made her a vampire. If she had died in the way that required a grave, Shi would have his head. Zhong Hui was right about what would have happened between her and he. Even though he looked the part Jia Chong wasn't the most efficient vampire. Obviously, He would never admit it.

"What is so special about me?" She laughed.

"Hmph, How modest of you... Nothing at all. Your abilities and natural good looks are what I need." He preceded by joining beside her. Qi switched and laid on her side facing away from Jia Chong. He didn't need her personality.

"When will this change be complete?" She inquired.

"Three days." He whispered to her.

Qi didn't say anything back. Her body seemed to loose warmth slowly and her senses were on high alert. It was too painful to move.

Jia Chong noticed her struggle, Consequently he laughed mocking her. "You don't have to fight against something you cannot kill."

"I should submit?"

"Or fight to the death."

"I do not fear either." She submitted.

He smirked and felt the smoothness of her lengthy black hair. She allowed such a minor excursion. Her hair smelt of jasmine flowers. She was much more comely to a vampire's sense when she was just a regular female human. As they all are. He told her to face him.

She turned around and smiled timidly, "So when will we search for that vampire mistress?"

He caressed her luke warm cheek and grinned deviously, "In three days."

A loud bang on the door caused the tense Qi to become disorderly. The voice of Zhong Hui bellowed, "Jia Chong! You bastard! Open this door!"

Jia Chong laughed, "Come inside."

Zhong Hui entered and continued his verbal rage against the vampire, "Jia Chong! You backstabbing asshole!... I guess... I will not give you the antidote...Matter of fact: I destroyed it." He was pissed that Chong told Zhao who told Yuanji and Shi who told that creepy bum in the basement.

"Serendipity... Yes, I no longer need your pathetic antidote." Revealed Jia Chong who was shaded by the blinding darkness.

"How is that possible?" Zhong Hui exclaimed with his hand on his hip. Foxy.

"I will not tell you." He learnt to overcome the weaknesses of a vampire.

Zhong Hui thought for a second, He no longer had power over Jia Chong, "In that case... Now, I don't need you... I will find another use to destroy Okuni." Zhong Hui walked over to curtains of the grand window and opened them. The sun began to shine through. Qi acted intuitively with fast reflexes. She took Jia Chong into her arms and dived to her left into the dark shade behind the side of his bed. He spoke to her telepathically: "Force Zhong Hui to leave... Or kill him."

"Yes," She obeyed.

"How very clever, Jia Chong. Is that the body guard with you?" Requested the red head basked in sun light.

Qi pushed Zhong Hui against the frame of the window. Her rage and adrenaline rush caused her to ignore any physical pain. "Leave or I will kill you!" She held him by his neck.

"Release me! You whore!" Zhong Hui demanded. He wished he brought his flying stakes but they were in the process of being blessed by a monk.

"STOP THIS! Zhong Hui!" Sima Zhao entered the room with his dao in hand. He was here to save Jia Chong.

"Please let him go, Qi." Wang Yuanji came in after Zhao. She agrees and released her hold on Zhong Hui's neck.

Sima Shi lets out an imitation of his father's laugh, "Muhahahah! You Zhong Hui shall be arrested for the death of Wan the patron of the Gen family, Lei a daughter of the Dong family... {Blah, blah}. Yes, That is it." There was too many to count. Short guards came in and took Zhong Hui away in shackles.

"You still want me to track down that vampire woman Okuni?Is that still priority? Lord Sima Shi?" Jia Chong requested from the older Sima brother.

"Yes, It is." He nodded his head in response and left with the guards and Zhong Hui.

"Are you alright? My friend?" Zhao requested closing the black curtains.

Chong rolled his eyes and replied, "Hmph, I don't need your pity."

Sima Zhao smiles and leaves after Wang Yuan Ji. Qi sat back down besides Jia Chong.

"Are you still going to geld me?" He joked with her.

She sighs and turns her head away, Not giving Jia Chong the satisfaction he so wanted from her, "What would I gain from doing that?"

He tempted to vex her by staring at her chest. Qi laughed it off by saying very stiffly, "I have had several men stare at me like that in the past." Some got more eye candy than they bargained for.

"But they never touched you." His voice said mischievously.

"The circumstances allowed you to do such." She blushed looking away. Qi's logical reasoning didn't consider the night before as anything a pleasurable experience. Though the dopamine released from her brain would tell the opposite story.


	8. The Three Matrons

"Lian Shi tells me, Your name is Wen Yang?" On several pillows sat Okuni stirring her tea cup of blood. She was surprised her friend of the divine breast found a man with both brawn and good looks. Was he smart? Probably not. This was a plus for her.

Beside her on the other side of the tea table sat Wen Yang who ignores her and stares off at something in the distance. Okuni hits her spoon on the tea table to get his attention, "Hey! I'm talking to you."

"Uhmm, Yeah." Yes. It was possibly the latter.

She threw the broken spoon at Wen Yang's fore head just to make sure. On impact the spoon bounced off his head.

"Uhm, Why am I here? How did I get here? Where am I? Who are you?" Lian Shi must have used her charm powers to get this hunky piece of meat here. The Lian Shi who lounged next to Okuni smiling and admiring her work to get Wen Yang here. She allowed Okuni to converse.

"You are at my gang hideout. My name is Okuni of Izumo." She informed the tall dummy.

"What is Izumo?"

Okuni's red eyes glared and she took a needless breath for what she was about to say, "Izumo is a place where I was once a priestess. I went around the archipelago of Japan forcing warlords to give Donations for the temple by hitting them with my umbrella. After all the civil wars, I danced for the lives lost... One day a vampire man took me away. There I met another two females named Aya the priestess and the ancient powerful Lian Shi. After we took our revenge against the man who made us by killing him. Upon his death we were sent back in time. He is still out there... Somewhere."

Wen Yang looked at her confused, "What are you talking about? Made us?"

Okuni placed her cold hand on his head and shook it, "You big idiot... But you are so... handsome." She licked her red lips. "Tasty."

"This vampire man had a fetish for nuns?" Wen Yang could only grasp a fraction of what she told him.

"He took great pleasure in tainting purity with those blood soaked hands of his." Okuni's tone took on an air of sadness as she drank, "It was his way of attaining his dominance over the seemingly weak... He wanted us to fear him... We shall find him again... He probably doesn't know who we are..."

"What are you talking about?" Wen Yang repeated himself.

The vampiress Okuni groaned, "Why am I telling you this?"

"You are telling Wen Yang that story? I taught that son of a bitch about love and compassion... He takes me for himself." As if she teleported into the tea room appeared Aya on the left side of Okuni.

"You three women are out to get a man who spurned you all? Did he ever love you?"

"Define love? Yang?" Aya narrowed her brows.

He could define love, "When I love a woman... I assist her and care for her until she loves me as well."

The three vampiresses favored his reply. If they could they would blush. "This vampire man had no bone of love in his pale body."

"If he didn't love you... Was he good in bed?" Was all the hypnotized Yang could think of asking.

Their eyes widened and the two looked at each other, "We were taken from our homes and were forced to be his lovers. Your dense brain would ask us that?"

"Oh, I see." Wen Yang smirked.

"You big and dumb buffoon," Okuni played with his dark hair.

"Your bath is ready, Lady Aya." Entered Kanetsugu with a towel around his right arm. He was her butler. Yes, Aya made Kanetsugu her butler.

"You may join me if you please, Yang." Aya smiled lewdly. Wen Yang only blushed she took that as a yes.

"May I... join as well, Lady Aya?" Kanetsugu asked.

"Hmm, if you scrub first." Aya confirmed taking Wen Yang's hand as he stood up from the pillowed floor.

"Aww, you're taking Wen Yang away." Okuni pouted.

"Only, briefly. Heh, heh." Lian Shi laughed, taking a sip of her blood filled teacup.

Aya and Wen Yang followed behind Kanetsugu who skipped as Aya and Wen Yang walked.

"Hrmm? Why are you so happy, Naoe?" Keiji Maeda inquired as he walked past Kanetsugu.

"I'm taking a bath! I'm taking a bath with Lady Aya and Yang!" Naoe said in a jittery fashion.

"A bath with these two? Whatta- -"

Aya interrupted Keiji. "Okuni's lonely. She's waiting for you."

Keiji nodded his head and entered the tea room for mistress Okuni.

"Keiji-kun!" Okuni yelled happily, jumping into Keiji's muscled arms. He held her bridal style.

"Aya said you were lonely." He said as she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Not anymore." She hugged him close.

"Does Wen Yang remind you of anyone? Keiji-kun? Cute looks and brawn. Sweet personality?" Okuni inquired.

Keiji thought and said, "He reminds you of me?"

That was the wrong answer but Okuni took it anyway, "Your cuteness is on an other level, Keiji."

"Mistress Lian Shi! The fabric for your new clothes has arrived." Informed a cute dark haired vampire girl with eyes like red wine.

"Da Qiao, that is excellent! Where is your sister?" Lian Shi asked worried.

"She is still crying over a panda she killed." Da Qiao murmured in a cute but blood thirsty fashion.

"It's been over 40 years! That girl... Go get her something nice to eat... like a panda." Lian Shi crackles. The blood Xiao Qiao would drink was panda blood and on more common occurrences pedophile blood.

"Yes, Lady Lian Shi." She nodded and walked out. Lian Shi followed shortly thereafter.

Pedophile And Panda Blood

Da Qiao headed down to her little sister's room. A little skip in her step which made her ponytails jump. She giggled and clapped her hands. "Xiao! Let's go get something to eat!"

She opened her door by kicking it open with her foot. Xiao Qiao sat at her vanity, brushing her hair with a brush. Humming a song.

"Let's go eat a panda bear, Xiao."

Xiao Qiao gave off a disturbed expression, "No, I want to eat pedophile."

When Xiao Qiao became a vampire. She had a whole personality change. She no longer wanted to save pandas... Now she wanted to eat pedophiles and drink their blood. Da Qiao thought panda blood made her cute and innocent though.

"Aww, but I want to have pandas tonight." Da Qiao said licking her lips but her small sharp fangs made her mouth bleed whenever she did this. Like a child with an over bite.

"Owe." Da Qiao exclaimed, then she began to heal.

"Da, you shouldn't do that."

"Oh, it doesn't matter. I'm already healed... Look!" Da excitedly shouted pointing to her fanged grin.

"Mmm, we need some cute and provoking clothing." Xiao adviced opening her closet.

Da took Xiao's seat at the vanity, she adjusted her ponytails. "Can I do your make up? Xiao?"

"I already did my make up." Xiao Qiao pointed to the scribble on her face.

"Xiao, You messed up. Let me redo it." Xiao can't see her reflection.

"Oh, You didn't adjust your ponytails correctly, big sis." Xiao refashioned her sister's hair.

"I'll do your make up." Da began to clean her sister's face with a cloth.

After self preparation. The Qiao sisters returned to Lian Shi. Holding each other's hands.

"We are going out, Lian Shi."

"Where are you two girls going?" She retorted kindly.

"We are going to hunt pedophile." Xiao jumped with enthusiasm.

Lian Shi was pleased, "I hope the pedophile tastes good... And please be careful, girls." She added the last as the sisters left.


	9. Strange And Even Stranger

[ Dumb Warning: This chapter we have the abuse of underage girls! By pulling their hair and punching them! Oh! My! These are two vampires are over 40 years old so truly they are not underage.]

The Strange And Even Stranger:

Xiao Qiao and her sister Da searched through the city for victims. Mainly young teen boys and pedophiles. After visiting many public places and finding no young boys and perverts. They decided to search at the tea house. Their attention was brought to a young man and woman. Who were drinking tea and eating fruits. They were not in their target age range but these sisters were hungry and desperate.

"This may be our only chance to get something to eat, Big sis." Xiao cried drooling.

Da growled, "Don't make it obvious, Xiao... Wipe your drool."

"Oh," She wiped her saliva with her sleeve, "I put dibs on the man."

"No, We are going to share him." Da claimed as if her word was authority.

"What about the woman?" She eyed the dark haired woman who the man had his arm around.

"Hmm, She don't look all that tasty... It's hard to smell her from here." Da took a deep wiff of the air.

A loud laugh hit the ear drums of the sisters. The sisters looked behind the column and saw theirprey fooling around on the tea table.

"Is that legal in public places? Big sis?" Xiao simpered looking away from their prey.

"At least no one is paying attention to them... That is good for us." Da held her cup close to her lips.

"We are going to be here for sometime it seems... Don't look at them sis!" Xiao turned her older sister's head to look at her.

"I miss Sun Ce... Do you miss Zhou Yu? Sis?" Tears of red fell from Da's eyes.

Xiao Qiao groveled, "He treated me like a nuisance... I didn't need him anymore." She wiped her sister's tears away quickly. She made Zhou Yu her subservient man servant. "All who I need is my sister!"

Da smiled, "Thanks, Xiao."

[Earlier that night.]

Both Jia Chong and Fang Qi stood outside the gate to the grand jin estate. The moon gleamed and the dark night welcomed them.

"I am surprised you can make it outside, Qi." Jia Chong ridiculed the hastened improvement of her physical state.

"Not all thanks to you." Qi half smiled. Trailing beside him. Her skin color left her cadaverously white. Her skin was the color of the moon and her lengthy onyx hair the night. Yet her violet eyes were turning into the color of rubies.

Qi found herself distracted lately. "What do your eyes see? Qi?"

She was brought back into focus, "I... I'm..."

"Hungry?" She nodded.

"Leave this to me." He took her white hand in his own and brought her close, "You asked me once if I could fly."

Feeling her fangs with her tongue, Qi remembered. "Yes, The old Qi asked that."

When people become vampires: They become a mockery of what they were in living life. This was becoming Qi. Sometimes people don't change when they become vampires like Jia Chong. Kinda sucks... But oh, well. A double edged knife.

Chong smirked and held her in his arms, "Hold on."

They came upon a rice field. There was a lone peasant Dong Long tending to his fields. Jia Chong chose him as her meal for tonight.

The stranded Qi caught the attention of Dong Long. He called out to her and then began to walk closer to the vampire bride. She smiled and walked closer to him.

"What is a young woman like you doing alone and out in my field?"

"Sir, Do you know where my dog went to?" She asked the short peasant.

"No, I don't, Miss. What are you doing out here?"

She giggled as Jia Chong forced the weak peasant to the dirt ground and slit his throat with the peasant's own knife. Overcome with a frenzy Fang Qi drank the peasant's blood from his neck as it flowed out from the wound. Ugh, Gross.

"We can blame this on Zhong Hui." Jia Chong snickered.

"Or some crazy murderer." Moaned the enticed raven haired vampiress who wiped the blood off her face with her hand and with the dirty water of the rice field. Dong Long's blood raised her emotions. Now she was a vampire. The vampire bride returned to Jia Chong and took her place beside him. She outstretched her arms around his neck and shoulders. It didn't take much effort because she was just an inch shorter than him. Chong liked her sudden change in behavior and they continued on.

After returning to the estate for a change of clothes for Qi. Jia Chong brought her out into the city. They began their investigation into the whereabouts of this Okuni vampiress. But first Jia Chong needed to get his fix of an orange. Vampires didn't need food but they were still able to eat it but the food wouldn't give them any sustenance. Qi thought his habit his mortal life brought into his immortal was stupid and he should ignore it. That didn't mean she didn't have her habits.

She sat at the table beside him and was extremely quiet. Jia Chong noticed her posture and asked, "Is there something bothering you Qi?"

"Master, Why do you have an interest in me? You said I was skilled..." She requested still unsure.

Chong didn't know if he wanted to be honest with her about his mistake but recently she displayed her usefulness to him. She would have his back against those who would have the intention of doing harm against their allies and himself.

As Qi she had this purity of mind. She did what she was told and was right but wouldn't surpass her station as protector. She never thought of the lifes she had taken. The stains of thousands on her hands. Something he knew too well and he embraced it and revelled in his own taint. She had something he didn't have.

He in a way wanted to take her unawareness and turn it into a nightmare called reality. There were many lies he could tell her about his reason behind his own behavior but nothing was like the truth. Yet many prefer a lie to the truth. Sometimes the truth is too much to take.

He puts his right arm around her waist and told her the harsh truth, "I made a mistake when I was making you my thrall. I took too much blood and almost killed you. Acting with haste I gave you my blood and you started the change into a vampire. Sima Shi would have killed me if I let you die as natural death goes. The mission would have failed as well."

She fell silent again and dipped her head in agreement. Qi said a minute later after evaluating the pros and cons. Her vampire instinct overcame her reasoning. She only needed him.

"Master, Please give me..."

He knew exactly what she meant, "Mine... All mine."

Da and Xiao Qiao followed their prey. Tigeresses in the pursuit of antelope. Hiding in alleyways and blending into the shadows. During hunts Da and Xiao used their telepathy to communicate.

'Da, how should we ambush them?'

'Um...'

'Da!'

'Ok, ok, ok. When... They take a wide turn in a dark area. We emerge from the shadows behind them and aim for their throats!'

'Oh, look! Now's the time!'

The two tigeresses approached their prey going in for the kill. But... Instead they were captured by Jia Chong and Fang Qi their prey.

"Get off me you pervert! Help! I've been violated!" Da screamed her arms restrained by Qi's strong grip.

"How dare you touch me! Ravisher!" Xiao screamed as well.

"Be quiet! You dead beats!" Fang Qi bellowed tighten ing her grip on Da Qiao.

"Your boobs are on top of my head, lady!"

"My... Boobs aren't that big." Her red eyes looked down at her own chest.

Jia Chong chuckled deviously.

"This guy's definitely a pervert. Hey! Put your hands where I can see them!" Xiao Qiao demanded.

"What?"

"Put 'em where I can see 'em!" Xiao was able to wiggle herself out of Jia Chong's grasp, she tried to use her hypnosis on him.

But Jia Chong was levels higher than Xiao Qiao. Her dice roll to attempt hypnotize him didn't even have any desired effect.

"Do you think petty mind tricks will have affect on me? I am a master vampire! You lowly vampire spawn." Enraged Jia Chong who punched Xiao Qiao in her stomach, she held her stomach and cried.

"I'm sorry, sister. I wasn't able to save us." Da Qiao sobbed.

Xiao Qiao screamed in pain as Jia Chong pulled her off the stone street by her yellow pony tail.

"You bastard! Get your hands off my sister!" Shouted the desperate Da Qiao.

Both Jia Chong and Fang Qi tied Da and Xiao hands behind their backs with blessed rope. No worries Jia Chong and Fang Qi wore gloves.

"You both must have a master? What is their name?" Jia Chong began his interrogation of the two Qiaos.

"Yeah, Between the both of you? Who's the true master?" Da tried to change the subject.

"We are the ones asking the questions, Not you." Qi reminded the older sister.

"Okay, Leviathan boobies!" Xiao Qiao tried to get on Qi's bad side. Qi glared at her.

"Maybe... We should change our interrogation technique to... Something more Draconian?" Jia Chong desired to install fear into the sisters.

"Please don't hurt us sir, We didn't ask to become vampires... A horrible vampire forced us to be this way." Da Qiao cried frantically. Trying to make them buy into their weakness.

Chong realised, "Yes, But you would never be able to live without your dear little sister? Answer my question!" One of his dancing shadows materialized from the natural darkness. He threatened to kill Xiao with it.

"Answer his question! Sis!" Wailed her little sister. The blade close to her throat.

"Don't hurt our master! The three have been so kind to us! Saved us! From our evil creator who stole my sister and I. Those that we loved weren't spared either. They were enslaved by our malicious sire."

"The three? Who are they?"

"Aya who preachs love, Our master the powerful Lian Shi, and Okuni our gang boss." Da Qiao foretold.

"They don't sound that purposeful."

"That's not true! Our matrons pertain purpose with their individuality."

Suddenly a woman shows up. It was Lian Shi in a pretty red dress to save her little girls. "Hello, There strangers..." She gazed closer to her companion's interrogators. She smiled. "... Oh, You look familiar, sir... I believe I encountered you in a peasant village."

"What are you talking about mistress Lian Shi? How do you know this man? Tell him to let us go!" Xiao struggled with the pain of the holy ropes.

Jia Chong remembered it all too well, "It was you who attacked me."

Lian Shi covered her mouth and giggled, "Yes, and I had to do so for survival."

"She made you a vampire? Master?" Qi remarked hugging her master by his right arm.

"Yes, But she didn't make me the way I created you." He nodded his head in reply.

Lian Shi only giggled contently again, "I would like my girls back if you don't mind..."


	10. Okuni's Ordeal

Okuni lounged with the precious Wen Yang. Enjoying his company and maybe if she chose to: his blood which she had taken a little of. For caution of his well being. She didn't want to hasten his transformation into a member of the undead. She wanted to play with him as long as possible.

"Yang, You are the most adorable creation of the gods I have ever seen!" She flattered him with her velvet words. "Did you like your bath?"

Yang blushed, "Yes, It was quite a revealing experience."

"Aw! You are so honest! I don't know how to not find you satisfying to my palate!" She confessed kissing his cheek.

Lian Shi walked in and addressed Okuni, "Your old master is here. Now."

"WHAT? He's here?" Okuni exclaimed spitting out the blood she drank from her cup.

"Yes, The vampire who destroyed your life." Lian Shi grinned.

"He destroyed yours as well..." Lian Shi gave Okuni a disagreeing look.

"I became a vampire long before he did." She corrected Okuni's misguided view.

Okuni returned frankly, "Oh, You are the bitch who created that son of a bitch... Why? You are like a sister to me?"

"I didn't know what would have happened... We were sent back for a reason... We are yet to know." She reminded her friend with a bob cut.

"Thanks to that Kaguya girl. Why did she send us back? Anyway?" Okuni sighed laying lazily on the pillows.

"Hmm, Something has changed because of our presence here." Lian Shi ensured her thinking of that girl of pearl white skin.

Okuni engaged, "You can't be serious! That bitch is nothing! She will probably get turned to ash trying to protect the 'master'." He always gloomed over the fact that his companionship always seemed to die.

"This is probably what Kaguya meant." Lian Shi pondered sincerely.

Okuni sipped from her cup dantily, "Get that bastard in here."

"I can't believe he's here... Why did this have to happen so quickly?" Aya groaned fanning herself.

"Better now than later." Okuni tapped her foot and crossed her arms.

With his companion Jia Chong walked in and spoke to the three vampire matrons. "Which one of you is this Okuni?"

"I am." Okuni grinned showing interest.

Meanwhile, Zhong Hui was led to his prison cell by three large brute guards. As the guards were about to locked his cell they were interrupted by a short langy messenger.

"Her recently widowed, lady Zhang Chunhua has ordered the prisoner to be brought to her for interrogation." The messenger reported.

At first the guards were stupified. The messenger allowed them to register their orders then obeyed.

"You have been a very bad child! Hui!" Chunhua clutched his face with her hand.

"You are not my mother! You can't discipline me!" Hui shot back. His hands were cuffed behind his back.

"This time I asked your mom if I could punish you and she said yes." She puts Zhong Hui against her knee and spanks him how she used to to Sima Shi when he was a child.

"Lady, I'm not a child! Don't spank me like I'm a ten year old!" Hui could feel the red hand print on his skinny behind.

"Then stop acting like one!" She slapped his behind again.

"I thought this was going to be an interrogation! Not torture!" He scowled resilience.

"Oh, Yes. You thought I wouldn't find out about your schemes? How you tried to kill my favorite son's undead best friend and killed innocent peasants! Are you trying to start an uprising?" She raved vengefully.

"... No,"

"Then why are you doing this?" Chunhua's anger ablaze.

"To settle a vendetta against a vampiress that rejected me!" He answered without lying.

"Oh, I thought the only person who could ever reject you was yourself." She said. "Since the only person Hui can love is himself... No, This is a vampire... You wanted to be a vampire... For shotty immortality for the love of yourself."

Hui sighed, "Now... I want to destroy all vampires!"

"You selfish little bastard!" She gave him another slap. Chunhua takes out a scroll, "In the words of your mother: Please stop my son."

Hui gawked at the scroll, "Yes, That is my mother's hand writing... I thought she would be a little artful in her message."

"I only gave her a minute." She noted.

"I want to see my mommy." Hui cried.

Zhang Chunhua gave him an approving look.

Okuni heeded and recalled what he told her, "That distasteful Zhong Hui is plotting vengeance against me and your human Sima Shi wants us to calm down our activities. Where is that Zhong Hui?"

"Locked up in the dungeon for the murder of peasants." Jia Chong conveyed.

Aya hugged Wen Yang, "Serves him right to try to blame this on us. That little asshole."

"If you give him to us... We will make sure his punishment is worth while." Lian Shi tittered sitting on a wooden chair in a lady like posture.

"Zhong Hui is already receiving the torture he deserves." Qi consoled the three.

Okuni took her attention to the younger vampire. "You are a cute one." She complimented her with a hint of jealousy. She ran her fingers through the taller woman's hair. Qi was unresponsive.

Jia Chong appealed to Okuni's other curiosity, "You wish to... Borrow her?"

"No, no. Please don't..." Qi murmured as in a plead. Holding tightly his arm.

"Oh, But we don't have anything to lend to you." Aya pouted playfully.

"I will like to take... Okuni..." He said with a smirk.

"I'm not going with you! Bastard! You..." She unleashed her anger, "Never! I... I..." She stopped because she didn't want to expose something to him that would make her look insane.

" 'My' human needs to speak to you, Okuni." He assured the ex-priestess of Izumo. "If you don't do anything stupid nothing bad will happen to you."

"Fine... I will go with."

Aya came upon a dire circumstance, "If Okuni is killed... We will make sure to kill your pet, here."

Jia Chong chuckled darkly, "Heh, The humans will treat her with the right kind of hospitality, I assure you."


	11. Emperor and Empress

Sima Zhao sat down drinking a cup of wine. Jia Chong sat down beside him and ordered what he always does: Orange juice. He chuckled, "Hey, Zhao... I never saw you drink wine before."

"You never drink wine." Zhao laughed.

Jia Chong snickered, "True, Is there something going on between Wang Yuanji and you?"

When he returned to the Jin estate. Yuanji had a bitch attitude about herself though she would never say why.

"No, We are not fighting... but I got a complaint about sexually indecent public activity from the Peach Tea House owner this morning."

Jia Chong took a drink of juice and gave his version of 'people do what they got to do' expression.

"You can't be serious... What the hell were you doing? No, Don't answer that... Female vampires are that thirsty?" Zhao trifles.

Jia Chong chuckled, "I am not sure thirst is what drives them."

"Need?"

"Or manipulation."

"You evil bastard." Commented Zhao. Chong took this as a compliment.

"She wanted it and I was rewarded." He chortled lewdly.

"This is best kept between the two of us." Sima Zhao proclaimed.

Chong nodded, "Yes, I found Okuni. She is bounded by the holy ropes on my horse outside."

Okuni jumped off the horse and entered the Tavern. Running at Jia Chong. With her hands tied to her back She rammed into him with her head and tried to bite him. "You bastard! You didn't have to put these on me!"

"The ropes are too restraining? I thought you would like them?" Jia Chong derided the dancing priestess.

Okuni growled, "Aya is into that shit! Not me... Love is found in a dance!"

"Dance for me... Or stop making a scene."

"I will dance for everyone in this tavern if you get these restrictions off of me!" She offered with a chaste smile.

"Exotic dancing?" Zhao asked earnestly.

"No, You idiot." Okuni rolled her rouge eyes. "Formal dance."

Jia Chong removed the ropes with leather gloves, He knew intuitively what Okuni had in mind but he was going to let her do it anyway. "Here, You are free."

"Yes, I am." She made a run for it. Out of 'The Tavern'. Into the dark city streets. Jia Chong chased after her and when she entered into a dark shade. He used his shadow power to teleport to the shadow and grappled Okuni by the waist with his arms.

"What are you doing? We had a truce." He said to her.

"Oh, I thought you weren't serious... It was an idiotic move to give your girlfriend to us!"

"Yes, But now I have you." He said never loosening his hold on Okuni.

"No one can have me! After this... I'm not going to have anything to do with you." She raised her voice.

"Like I ever wanted to know you."

Okuni smiled at his words.

Jia Chong took her back to the drunkard filled Tavern and sat back down besides Zhao. Okuni wasn't really going to dance for them. It seemed these bastards didn't appreciate artful dance.

"When are we leaving?" Okuni sighed leaning over the bar counter.

"When I finish my orange juice."

Xiao Qiao played with Qi's hair. She was so fascinated by the ink colored strands. "Sorry I said you had Leviathan boobies. You are nice compared to other vampires." Xiao Qiao could only wish she had the monsterous endowments Qi had.

"Yes, My boobs are of unusual size." She gave in with a hint of sadness.

Da Qiao picked out a new robe of the color red for their new friend to wear, "How can you let a scary man like him touch you?"

Qi fell quiet, "He is the one who made me a vampire... I have to be at his side."

"A bride?" Da Qiao arranged the dress. Da was once a bride.

"Yes, A bride... That is what most of us are lowered down to be... When we become vampires." The pissed Aya entered the bedroom via the door.

"Are there more? Vampires? In China?" Qi asked Aya.

" There is one house in Japan. Here there are two vampires that call themselves the Emperor and Empress of vampires." The white wearing woman revealed.

"What are their names?"

"Cao Pi and Zhen Ji. They are plotting to artfully take over the world through music and poetry." Lian Shi exposed standing beside Aya.

Inside their castle in the mountains (the one from D.W wu ending in the hypothetical ending in 8... I think...) .Cao Pi sat down in his fancy chair. He had a wine glass of blood in his right hand. He listened to Zhen Ji play her flute and even after so many years he still liked to listen to her play.

She stopped and asked, "Did you clean the garden pond? Pi? As I asked you to?"

He stammered, "I forgot to." Zhen Ji made him a vampire and so she was like his master. "Is there a body in the pond?"

"Yes. A late night meal of mine." She giggled with a fang smile.

"I shall clean the pond for you, My love." Cao Pi went into the tool closet and geared up for the battle against the enemy known as the pond of blood and bodies. The carnal waters.

It wasn't hard to find the body because it was floating in the middle of the pond. "I hope Zhen Ji awards me with something after this."

After all the bullshit he put her through he spent making it up to her in his undead life. At least no one knew where their home was. He hoped she would give him a romantic dinner and night with the flower of her blossom. That sounds weird.

After cleaning the pond she would probably end up dirtying it again. Cao Pi returned to Zhen Ji in the library. She hugged him and gave him a kiss.

She touched his lips with her own, "Shall we visit a few old friends?"

"Tonight is ladies choice." He reminded her kissing Zhen Ji back ravenously.

She pulled back, "Yes, My love."

"You are Okuni?" Sima Shi peered up at the ex-nun from the chair of his father's desk which was naturally his now.

Okuni's mouth formed into a revealing smile, "Who are you?" She smiled innocently.

"I am Sima Shi," He nodded off to his desk trying not to look into her eyes. Jia Chong warned him about a vampire's gaze before hand.

Being alone in this room allowed Okuni a few liberties with Sima Shi even if there were people listening outside.

"Sima Shi. You are a handsome one... But it seems you are quite troubled..." Okuni giggled trying to portray she knew a secret of his.

"Troubled? What are you talking about?" He scowled at her remark.

"Aw, You don't want to admit to what you feel deep down inside you... For the sake of sobriety and balance... Undesirable desires..." Okuni outlined leaning over the desk and touching his hair.

It took all the mental energy he had to resist the vampiric powers of Okuni. "You are reading me? I don't care about what you think of me... We need to come to a few truths. Did you kill government officials? And your kidnapping activities?"

Okuni sat back down, "We are vampires. We need the flesh and blood of living to sustain ourselves the same humans do with the land and animals. We don't kill because we are murders it is because we must to survive. Government officials? Did you inspect their bodies? Maybe they were assassinated. Vampires live in secrecy for a reason. If we killed any peasants know they are at times our food source." She spoke of this matter as if it was perfectly natural.

"We got a report of a missing person named Wen Yang. Did you abduct him?" He requested still gazing down at the desk.

"Barely... When my friend caught the sight of him he became bewitched by her. So we took him home with us... We haven't killed him or made him a vampire yet..." She answered honestly. "You want him back?"

"No... His father doe's. I advise you to warn his family of the time of his death either that be undeath or true death." Shi finalized.

"Oh, I see." She was surprised of his flexibility.

"We will let you see Zhong Hui in the dungeon. If you need to speak to him." His last offer.

"Yes, I need to speak with that bastard... Can I take him home with me? I think I may have something he would be useful for?" She tried to act as affectionate as possible.

"Only if you hypnotize him."

"Thank you, So much!" She gave Shi a smooch on the cheek. Okuni was going to have fun with Zhong Hui. "I will make sure to give your vampire woman back to you."

Zhen Ji and Cao Pi walked into the crypt of their palace. They were going to awake a few old friends. The first sepulchre they opened laid a beautiful woman wearing little clothes.

"Awake Diao Chan." Zhen Ji slapped her sunken cheek. "You really need to get instant botox." Blood.

"You bitch! Why do you have to wake me up?" Demanded Chan's cracky voice.

"Its been half a century for you, dear." Zhen Ji reported.

"Half... Century? I'm hungry... Get me something to eat!"

"Here," Pi gave her a present in the form of a sultry peasant woman.

"Enjoy your breakfast," Zhen Ji added before going to the next stone coffin.

Zhen Ji had Pi open this coffin. Inside was a shorter girl with pink flowers in her black hair. She wore green pajamas.

Pi looked at her cute complexion, "Guan Yin Ping? I don't remember her being down here..."

"She was one of the last we gave sanctuary to." Zhen Ji stated as Yin Ping began to wake herself.

"Mommy?... I'm trying to sleep..." She whimpered half asleep.

"I'm not your mother! Get up!" Zhen Ji shook her. Yin Ping punched her in the face. "Bitch!"

"Don't over react Ji." Cao Pi restrained her. "She didn't mean to do that."

The Guan girl opened her eyes, "I'm sorry... I'm still undead it seems... Oh, Well!" She walked out and up the stairs into the palace, "I'm going to lift some weights after draining someone dry! Yeah! See you lovers later!"

Guan Yin Ping was that other rare case where a vampire doesn't change much from the human version but she is a little more optimistic knowing you have all the time in the world to do what you want. She didn't care if all her brothers and father were dead or about the squirrel that cracks acorns against the tree outside.

"That was easier than I thought it would be..." Cao Pi remarked to Zhen Ji. In the background there were several screams.

"Yes, Good, Yin Ping is a low maintenance vampire." Zhen Ji continued on. Low maintenance vampires can survive on their own. They are usually humans attacked by vampires and left for dead.

The next Zhen Ji kicked open with a swift kick of her heeled shoe, "Ahh, Cao Xiu."

"Wake up, Cao Xiu." Cao Pi said loudly to his relative.

"My lord?... I was having horrible dreams about being sent ablaze by that bastard Lu Xun's fire." Said the Cao Xiu vampire.

"Yes, Because it was the only way that pathetic mortal would've been able to kill you..." Cao Pi threw the fire scarred Cao Xiu a mortal to feast on.

The next person opened their coffin themselves and stepped out. She yawned and stretched her arms. She looked at the couple, "I didn't know the day I chose to wake up was the day everyone was to be awakened... What a coincidence!"

"Shang Xiang? Are you hungry?" Zhen Ji offered the dish of peasant.

Shang Xiang gave her a simple smile and took the meal, "Thanks, Zhen Ji."

"Shall we get up anyone else?" Cao Pi let Zhen Ji make the decision.

"I believe we have enough for now." She began to venture up to the higher levels. Cao Pi followed after her.


	12. Deadly Innocence

"This feels so... Soft." Qi rubbed her cheek against a furry mound furball over a blanket.

A head turned, "This is my head dress, Woman."

"Sorry, I didn't know this furball had a head." She giggled petting the fur. "What is your name?"

He gave an annoyed sigh and introduced himself, "Mitsunari Ishida."

"Oh, I am Fang Qi." She sat next to him.

"You know... This isn't your room." He said coldly to her.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She got up and left. She ran into a short red head. "Sorry, Young lady."

"No, You are the person I was searching for! Hi! My name is Gracia." She said giving her a welcoming hug. "Mistress Aya said you would take me out tonight."

"Where?"

"Just around town." She said taking her hand in her own. "I want to see the cuisine this place has to offer."

"Most of the 'cuisine' tastes like rice and baozi." Qi indulged favorably.

"Baozi? I never had someone who tastes like baozi." Gracia licked her red lips.

"Hmm, Yes. It's not the best food for your health if you are mortal." Qi lead Gracia along the hallway and into the parlour. "Who made you into a vampire?"

"I... Don't know. Mistress Aya saved me." Gracia skipped and swirled along.

"I didn't think they would let me outside the palace..." Fang Qi tattered timidly.

"You are not going to run away?Are you?"

"No," Qi shook her head.

"Then there is nothing to worry about." Gracia gave her another hug.

Zhong Hui sat down on his stomach inside his cell. Humming a song and doodling on the floor with a piece of chalk from the wall. He heard a familiar feminine giggle and looked up to see Okuni on the other side of the bars.

"Hello, Vampire bitch."

"I know I'm a bitch and I like it that way." She felt the bars with her hands.

"Why are you here?" Zhong Hui stood up on his feet.

A guard started to open the door and Okuni walked in. She stood against Zhong Hui, "If you weren't so into yourself... I would make you mine." She licked his cheek with her tongue.

Zhong Hui shuddered, "Please don't! I don't want to be a vampire anymore. LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Okuni hoped to get this resolved, "Fine, But after all the shit you caused now you will serve as my human servant until your debt is repaid."

"Ugh, Fine... What are you doing?Get away from me!?" Okuni puts him under her hypnosis with a single kiss.

Instead of showing Gracia around the city. Qi ended up following the girl around. It wasn't hard to get her interested in something everything was a distraction for this blood drinker! Even the old man walking in the street with his grand kids. She was on the prowl. Gracia liked the blood of thirty year olds. Why? Only the vampire girl can deliver the answer.

"What is your favorite food?Qi?" Asked her new friend.

Qi really didn't know. "I cannot say... This life has just started for me... It doesn't feel right..." She wasn't given a chance to find out which she liked the most.

"This doesn't feel right? How so?" Gracia could not comprehend Qi's cryptic answer.

"... I need... to Feed... Yes..." She muttered.

Gracia giggled, "That won't be too hard... Look around... There is bound to be a good meal here!"

She searched with her eyes for a citizen who at least once looked at her. Qi found someone she knew at the baozi stand. It was Sima Shi. He stood waiting for his meat bun.

"Hello, My lord." She approached from behind very silently.

"Fang Qi! ... What are you doing here?" She caught him off guard. He looked at her white facial, "... What happened to you? Three days ago you looked... Alive."

"Doe's it matter?" She gave him a smile.

"Yes, It does. He made you into a vampire... Why?" Sima Shi requested nervously. He refused to show her that he was frightened by her.

"He said he almost killed me and that is why he made me a vampire." She fortold to Sima Shi bluntly.

"I see... I didn't know it was so hard to make someone a thrall." He replied taking the baozi from the chef.

"Neither did I. Thank you, My lord." She gave him a fast and unexpected hug.

Shi wasn't the one for such and so he carried on, "You may come home if you choose to, Qi."

"What happened?"

"We gave Okuni Zhong Hui and she has promised to comfort her exploits." He recalled taking a bite of his baozi.

"Come on! Qi! Let's go!" Gracia grabbed her hand and continued the hunt.

Guan Yin Ping needlessly lifted up 500 pound weights. Shang Xiang watched her amazing feat. The Guan girl was physically the strongest vampire.

"You do this when you are bored? Guan Yin Ping?" She commented reading a scroll.

"I have to stay in shape," She spoke putting the weights down.

"You don't need to do that anymore... Your body hasn't changed since you became a vampire." Shang Xiang exposed to her.

With the grace of a cat. Diao Chan walked into the chamber and addressed the two young women, "Zhen Ji and Cao Pi have called us to a meeting, Come on."

The two warrior women nodded and followed Diao Chan to the throne room. Zhen Ji began to speak, "Today starts the day of our conquest..."

"Of blood and fire?" Cao Xiu tried.

"No, Of music, dance and poetry." Cao Pi corrected him.

"Dance, Music and poetry? That's stupid! You should have awakened Zhang He! Or Cao Zhi." Cao Xiu said uncouthly.

Cao Pi forced Cao Xiu to the floor and crushed his neck with his foot, "This is a serious campaign! Idiot!"

A frolicsome chortle came from Zhen Ji, "We will find a purpose in the arts for you, Cao Xiu."

"Yes, We will." Cao Pi released him.

"I don't think I'm all that artistic..." Shang Xiang doubted herself out loud.

"Me neither..." Yin Ping agreed with the Sun girl.

"I will teach you ladies how to dance!" Diao Chan displayed with a little dazzling twirl.

"I don't think I'm all that good of a dancer." Shang Xiang frowned.

Diao Chan reassured her, "Everyone can learn to become a better dancer! Experience!"

Guan Yin Ping cheered, "I'm totally up for it!"

"Good, We shall conquer the vampire world through music, dance and poetry! Everyone we conquer shall submit to the arts!" Zhen Ji tried to raise the morale.


	13. Dance Of Eternity

Qi felt most relieved to be at home. Inside her room. She laid back on her comfortable bed and held her pillow in her arms. She remembered what Lian Shi and Aya said before she left.

"He mustn't care much about you if he would give you up so easily."

"Trusting red eyes. Beautiful doll yet so fragile. Sweet little bride."

She cried red rubies. They were right. They all gave her up so easily. Even the person she trusted most in the world: Sima Shi.

"Please forgive me, Qi."

He was the least of her grief. Her time away from the one who made her. Allowed her to realize the lies and true intentions. She may have signed up to be a tool but she never thought it would effect her for life. She hated being a vampire. She hated how it felt. This made her angry and it made her depressed. She wanted to see the light of day once again.

She hated being used yet it was inevitable and unavoidable.

She opened her door a little but a ghostly hand closed it on her.

"It's still daylight outside." It was Jia Chong who materialized from the shadows and had his hand firmly on the door. How did he get into her room?

"Yes, And let me go!" She tried to open it but he was much stronger than she.

"Do you think... I would let you do that?" A joyless voice. His eyes piercing her will.

"I don't... This is something I want! I can't live like this anymore!" She tried to push him out of the way however Jia Chong did not budge. He tightened his grip around her wrist and pulled her closer to him.

"You would give up so easily..." He caressed her blood stained cheek and her onyx hair. "You don't fear death... You fear existing."

"I will not be your slave." She hissed defensively. Tears falling more down her face.

"You were never my slave... I need you to survive," He confessed kissing her red lips.

Qi looked into his eyes again with her red blood eyes and it all started again. She needed him as well, It was obvious.

Sima Zhao sat lazily down on the couch and ate a bowl of baozi. Wang Yuanji was nagging off at him. He seemed to mute her voice as if his brain had a mute button. He just ate and tried to look like he was listening to her. Sima Shi came by and stole away the bowl of baozi and ran off with it.

"Brother! Give me back my food..." Zhao ran after Shi.

"You zone out you miss out! Little brother!"

Zhao chased Shi around the palace until they heard an odd crying sound resounding from behind a closed door.

"Is this mother's room?" Zhao asked Shi with his ear against the wall. "I never knew walls could cry."

"No, Mom's room is a little more down the hall from here... Let's see what's going on in here.." Sima Shi moved his hand to touch the nob but his brother pulled him back.

"No, Whom ever this room belongs to they probably don't want to be disturbed." Zhao reminded his older brother. He didn't want to scar who ever was beyond the door for life or his own brother. Running in on his parents in the act gave little Zhao nightmares at night. Those nightmares... He still has them to this day.

"Yes, You are right, Zhao... We should paint the names of everyone who lives here on their bedroom doors." The whole of Jin. The two brothers returned to Yuanji with meat buns in their mouths.

"You two just... Look ridiculous." She tittered with her hand over her mouth. "Like little chipmunks."

"My boys would have beat buns in their mouths... They were breast fed." Chunhua remarked in hopes of creeping out her sons.

"What the hell mom? You had to ruin a good meat bun for me!" Zhao shot out his meat buns which flew at Yuanji like a bullets. Yuanji gave him a deep seated glare. "Brother! Don't swallow! This is one of mother's ploys!"

Sima Shi vomited the baozi onto the wooden floor. Remembering well what his mom did to their father by mistake. "We need to get someone to clean this up."

Scrub, scrub. Zhong Hui was forced to clean up after the matrons. The blood seemed to never wash away. It stained the floor and drove Hui insane.

Aya, Kanetsugu, Gracia, Keiji, Mitsunari, and Okuni sat down on a mat and gambled.

"How... Could you beat me so easily? Mitsunari?" Kanetsugu couldn't believe it.

"Thank you for your money, Kanetsugu." Mitsunari thanked him sarcastically.

"Like I need money... When I have love!" Kanetsugu cried out.

Aya hugged him, "My Kane, You are so adorable!"

Mitsunari chuckled full of himself, "Now... The rest of you... Give me the money."

Keiji sighed, "A bet is a bet... Here."

"Like we can use this money here, Anyway." Gracia throw the oval gold plates at Ishida and left the game room. "I'm going to go read a book."

"Consider this as a donation." Okuni soonly followed after Gracia.

"Spreading out the money... Spreads out the love, Here precious Ishida." Aya smiled and gave him her purse. "You will receive a lecture... Later on today."

Zhong Hui stopped once all the vampires left the room. He sighed and ran out into the hallway and down into the courtyard. It was still day light outside. Here he was in the sunlight. Okuni called out for Zhong Hui.

"Zhong Hui! Get back inside! Now!"

"I'm not going to be your man servant! Okuni!" He retorted offensively.

"Come to your master! NOW!" She demanded from behind the sliding door.

Zhong Hui could feel his brain power turn off and he obeyed his master. "Yes, Mistress Okuni." He replied like a zombie.

In the ball room of Zhen Ji and Cao Pi's castle. Diao Chan tried to teach Shang Xiang, Guan Yin Ping, and Cao Xiu how to dance. She put in a CD into the stereo and began her lesson.

"The first lesson is the easiest and most basic dance move anyone can learn! Even the village idiot can learn to shake their butts!" She exclaimed to her three disciples in a work out suit.

"Yes, But when men do it... It's not sexy..." Cao Xiu mumbled. "It looks stupid..."

"You idiot! This is not about sexuality! It's about the art of dance!" Her voice became louder.

The three watched as Diao Chan displayed the art of shaking her ass. Which seemed just like shaking involuntarily cuz she didn't have an ass.

"Cao Pi! Why are you looking at her butt?" Zhen Ji said jealous. From her chair beside him.

"She has no ass so it makes no difference." He drank a goblet of blood with a straight face.

"Oh, Yes. You are right..." She giggled looking at the dancer's flat butt, glad that she had curves.

In their work out clothes. The three followed Diao Chan's example. Guan Yin Ping followed the up beat song with her movement. Sun Shang Xiang shyly shook her tush. Cao Xiu instead stuck out and wiggled his whole glutius maximus and hips left to right.

A meek laugh came from across the room from Cao Pi. The three stopped but he gestured for them to continue like a sovereign.

"You call that a dance?! I shall dazzle you with immaculate beauty!" Zhang He twirled out onto the dance floor. He dressed in lacey 18th century vampire clothes.

"Where did you get those awful clothes? And weren't you still sleeping? He?" Xiu asked the poet.

"Oh, I got them off a pale make up wearing vampire man I met when he woke me up." He said honestly. "Now! I shall dance!"

The lights centered around Zhang He and the room darkened! He combined the dance of a ballerina with pop dance. After he finished flowers and other debris were thrown at him.

"That is what you would call art?" Diao Chan huffed and remarked, "I will show you a true display."

She began to dance in a fashion similar to Salome's 'Dance Of Seven veils.'(I could be wrong about the number of veils.). This was one of Dong Zhuo's favorite dances. After applause Diao Chan gave a sassy pose. She got an 8 out of 10 by critics.

"What! How can this be? That isn't beauty!... It's stripping!" Zhang He opposed.

"It's the human body, You Philistine." Diao Chan slashed her whip on the floor.

Both Cao Pi and Zhen Ji clapped, "Excellent! The both of you. Please continue the lesson, Diao Chan."

Diao Chan nodded and addressed her students, "Okay, Good form! Yin Ping! You are a natural! Shang Xiang feel it not think it! Cao Xiu... What is that?"

"It's just a move I created." He admitted acting in the same routine.

Chan brightened, "A new dance move... This is awesome!" She began to do that same movement.

Cao Pi began to laugh even harder, "I think I will call that twerking."

"It's fuckin stupid," Zhen Ji did not like it one bit.

"Exactly." He returned.

[A/N: Twerking is retarded. Okay, I hoped you liked this story so far. Yeah, It's stupid but that is it's purpose.]


	14. Carnal Waters

[Chang Du, China, Shu estate. Guan Suo's room.]

"Little brother!"

Guan Suo woke up to see his big sister Guan Yin Ping sitting on the frame of his window. He shrieked and hid under his blanket. Her foot steps made the wood floor creek like banchees. She lifted the blanket off of him!

"Ahhhhh! Help! My dead sister is haunting me!" He cried out to whomever could have heard.

"I'm not going to hurt you! Suo! Why would I hurt my brother?" Yin Ping's red eyes flashed in the darkness.

"I haven't seen you in a long time... What happened?" His heart rate started to go back to normal.

"I became a vampire." She said sitting on the foot of his bed.

"A vampire?" Suo was clueless.

Bao Sanniang rushed in with her chainsaw yo-yo in hand. "Suo! Why did you call for help when it's only your sister?"

"My sister is a vampire! Sanniang!" He cried frightened damsel.

"A vampire?"

"Hi! Sanniang!" Yin Ping waved at her.

"How did you become a vampire? Yin Ping?" She took a closer look at the dark haired girl.

"It was after father died. I was stolen away by a vampire from Wu. He did horrible things to me and in the end I put a spear through his heart... Then a vampire couple gave me sanctuary... I decided to come back and see you all again." She explained without care.

"My poor sister." Suo hugged his undead sister.

"What is going on here? Suo?" Guan Xing came in with Zhang Bao.

"Our sister has returned!" Suo jumped into his brother's arms.

"Why doe's she look dead?" Zhang Bao exclaimed with an arm on Guan Xing's shoulder.

Liu Shan and Xing Cai were the last to answer the call, "What is going on here? Guan Suo?"

"Lord Liu Shan! It was nothing!" Guan Suo assured Liu Shan with a fake smile.

"I'm a vampire." Guan Yin Ping did the peace sign.

Liu Shan almost looks into the Guan girl's red eyes but Xing Cai grabs his attention, "Shall we have an other banquet? Liu Shan?"

"Yes,"

A out of the window a purple light grabs the attention of the descendants.

"What is going on outside?"

Below they see Jiang Wei chanting a spell. From the ground raises zombies. "Raise up! My army of undeath!"

"What the f#ck is he doing?" Guan Xing had mosiac put over his mouth.

"That awful smell is bothering me kitty senses!" Growled Bao Sanniang smothering Suos arm.

"Has Wei gone completely nuts?" Xing Cai stated the obvious.

"Seems so." Liu Shan covered his mouth.

"ZOMBIES!" Cried Yin Ping.

"Zombies? Why are we standing around here doing nothing!? We have to stop Jiang Wei..." Zhang Bao aimed for the door.

Xing Cai stopped him, "Jiang Wei wants to take over China by using zombies... It seems."

"We have to stop him! As you said sis! This is crazy!"

"I guess the Sima bros were right about Jiang Wei... He's insane!" Liu Shan claimed as the zombie of Liu Bei raised from the ground by the protege's command. "My asshole of a father! I will put him back in the ground... A second time!" Liu Shan grabbed his rapier and kicked the door open with his foot and walked out like a badass.

Xing Cai cheered with her hands to the sky and followed after him, "YES."

"Is that daddy? Down there? Sis?" Suo asked Yin Ping in an innocent sibling manner.

"He raised all three it seems... Even Zhuge Liang and Zhao Yun." She peered out with her superior eyes. "Let's go with Lord Liu Shan and Xing Cai."

[Liu Bei was an asshole father... A well deserved ooc moment for Liu Shan.]

The two vampires made out in the dark shade against the wooden column of the pavilion. A cancurous laugh came from behind them. It was Sima Zhao. Up after his third nap of the day.

"Hahah! You two are a cute couple!"

"Zhao, Don't be so loud..." Jia Chong broke away from the vampire bride.

"No, Please don't stop for me." He chuckled stepping down the stairs into the gardens.

Wang Yuanji read a book from the canopy gazibo over the garden pond. He figured Yuanji liked the book because she was laughing and smiling. Zhao sat next to her and looked over at what she was reading. "What are you reading? Yuanji?"

She flipped out of focus and the book fell into the water. The book slowly drowned to the dirt bottom of the murky pond.

"Should I get my brother to fish it out?" Zhao asked the small woman.

"No, He went out tonight... By himself." She said frankly. "Why don't you get it for me?"

Zhao wouldn't, "I don't know what lives in there... We can get Jia Chong to fish it out." He has total resistance to disease, microbes, and poison.

"He can't pass flowing water." She stated fact.

"A pond sits in place, Yuanji." Zhao examined the body of water.

"Ugh, Go get Jia Chong."

Refusing to get up. Zhao hollered out to Jia Chong, "Jia Chong! Yuanji needs you to get her book out from the pond!"

Jia Chong turned his head and complied with his wishes, "I will be there soon."

Chong entered the garden with his companion. He alone began to strip down to his underwear and changed to a personally designed swimming trunks. He stood on a rock, putting on a custom pair of black and teal goggles and dived into the pond.

After ten minutes of Chong not resurfacing. Zhao began to get worried, "Did he meet Aqua Man down there? What is taking him so long?"

"Another world must be down there..." Qi remarked sarastically.

"Yeah, A junk yard of all the crap my father threw in the water." Zhao retorted to Fang.

"I didn't want to see that." Yuanji grunted.

Zhao hugs Yuanji with his arm, "Me neither."

Abruptly Jia Chong sprang out from the water. He had several things in his arms including the book.

"What did you find Chong?"

"I found these gloves and this fan. A baby toy and the book." He gave Zhao everything.

"These are my father's... My toy... I was wondering what happened to it." The toy looked like a decrepit Teddy. "Who threw my Baozi into the pond?"

"Probably your brother."

"Yeah, He would do that..."

"I will make you a bath, Master." Qi said taking the goggles of his face.

Sima Shi sat down in a chair. He was in a dark room with drapes on the four arches of the square. The foggy incense almost made him cough. In front of him a circular table with a cloth that had many different symbols. A shimmering globe was placed on the table by two hands with long artfully done nails.

"Why have you come to my shop?" Asked the voice of a witch.

"I came here to ask if you could preform a ritual." He muttered.

"What kind of spell?"

"You are connected to the mystic realm? Are you not? I want you to resurrect my father." Shi couldn't believe he was asking this. He really didn't want to bring back his father but the current situation demanded it.

The witch cackled "I thought by that sorrowful look on your face you came here for a love potion or a voodoo doll... Why should I resurrect him?"

"Werehorses."

"Werehorses?"

"First it was the vampires... We haven't had problems with werehorses since Tong Gate it seems... Now they are causing problems... Turning people into savage werehorses in the country side now they threaten to enter the cities." Sima Shi gazed into the globe and saw miniature people moving.

"He holds some secret knowledge in stopping these werehorses from grazing the lands of China?"

"Yes,"

"Don't tell me... Just pay me and I will do it... 1,000 gold." With that he dropped a large pouch of gold on the cloth of the table.

"Here."

"Let's get to business, Shall we?"

Zhao walked down the pavilion and into Jia Chong's quarters. He held Jia Chong's clothes in hand. "Chong, You forgot your clothes."

He entered his bath room and gently placed his clothes on the end table. Without much care for looking around.

Zhao closed the door after he left. The Sima stopped , opened the door and peeked in, "Are you okay in there? Jia Chong?"

"Yes. I am fine, Zhao." He said paitently in the blood filled tub.

"Oooh, So that is what you use the peon blood for... I'm going now." Zhao slowly closed the door. The blood of warriors makes another warrior even stronger.

From the blood waters emerged the nude and bloody Qi. "He's gone?" She gazed to the door with a band poster.

"Finally," He remarked.

The door opened and it was Zhao again. The vampiress squealed and used Jia Chong to cover her frontal.

"Hi, Qi... No wonder my brother likes your bosom... No, Actually everyone does... Nice, Seeing you!" He closed the door again.

Jia Chong laughed deeply, "Go back to Yuanji, Zhao."

[A/N: Damn! These sexual harassers! Next chapter Sima Yi comes back and there is something about the Shu kids.]


	15. Resurrection

"Today! We shall take over China in the name of penne-volence!" Jiang Wei said eating an expensive plate of penne pasta and meatballs. He addressed his zombie army.

The zombie of Liu Bei groaned and a slim blade went through the zombie's head. It was Liu Shan who appeared behind the zombie he slaughtered.

"Liu Shan! You killed your own father! How could you!?" Raved the crazed protege.

"Stop it! Jiang Wei!" Xing Cai demanded with her sword and shield in hand.

"Never bitch! I'm going to slaughter the Wei and Wu kingdoms with an unstoppable zombie army!" He took out his trident. "Zombi army! Imprison lord Liu Shan and lady Xing Cai!"

Bao Sanniang, Zhang Bao, Guan Xing, Yin Ping and Suo plopped down on the dirt from the sky in power ranger posses or Sailor Scout posses! Whatever.

"WE ARE THE DESCENDANTS AND WE SHALL PUNISH YOU!" They all said in unison and signature moves.

"Ah! You think so? Zombi! Kill all of these heretics!" His whole zombie horde faced the seven with hungry eyes and drooling mouths.

"Oh! Shit! Run! Everyone! Run!" The seven began to run for the safety of their own skins.

About a kilo later Yue Ying flew by on a giant dragon construct.

"Come up here! It's safe!" She called out to the descendants.

The seven jumped onto the back of the dragon and flew away from the zombi horde and to safety.

Liu Shan breathed heavily, "I never ran that fast in my life."

"Your cross country training has paid off, My lord." Xing Cai complimented him sitting Indian style.

Bao Sanniang groomed herself like a cat, "I have to clean myself."

Guan Suo looked at her with disgust. He wasn't going to kiss her now.

"It's almost sun rise! We have to get to a shaded place for Yin Ping." Guan Xing informed Yue Ying.

"It's okay, Brother. I special ordered this sun protection ring from the Vampire Diaries TV series and it works!" She showed him the fancy ring on her forth finger.

"We will eventually have to face the horde." Zhang Bao reminded his friends.

"At least this is not the golden horde." Laughed Yue Ying with a sarcastic tone unlike her.

[Some chapters ago, After six.]

The ghost Sima Yi sighed. He walked in circles in his office waiting for something to happen. His plan against his wife failed cuz she was absolutely resistant to ghosts naturally. It made his revenge pointless. It was pointless in trying to communicate with this sons as well because they seemed to have inherited her resilience.

Having Wang Yi around made no difference either. All she would talk about is killing Ma Chao. Whenever she would banish him in the astral realm he would always show back up. Like that one cockroach that never seems to die even after you squish it.

Xun Yu, Guo Jia, and Jia Xu were boring. They did pointless things like astral poker, pool, darts and beer pong. This is what smart people do in the afterlife? Yi gave the thought of Zhuge Liang? What is the sleeping dragon doing in the afterlife?

He decided to travel to the sleeping dragon's abode. That is why he disappeared for several chapters. From the gossip of the ghosts peasants Zhuge Liang moved back to Tian Providence to see if his brothers were still in the astral plane.

Around chapter 8 Sima Yi arrived at Zhuge Liang's home. He knocked on the door and someone else answered it. It was Xu Shu.

"Hi... It's you... Sima Yi? Are you here to harass me?" Asked Xu Shu with a nervous expression.

"No, You fool of a cosplayer! I'm here to speak with Zhuge Liang!" Sima Yi pushed Xu Shu outside and closed the door, "Go play Assassin's Creed or something..."

He followed what sounded like Zhuge Liang's voice, and several other voices into the study. Zhuge Liang was speaking with other strategists including Xun Yu, Guo Jia, Jia Xu, Lu Su, Lu Meng, Chen Gong, Fa Zheng, Pang Tong and several Zhuges, Lus and Simas.

"Is this the gathering of tactical geniuses?" He asked the group of smart people.

"If it isn't Sima Yi! The #1 bullshitter of us all." Laughed some generic strategist.

"You may join our group therapy session, Sima Yi." Zhuge Liang offered him a chair.

"A tactical group therapy session? All who you are missing is Zhou Yu and Lu Xun." Sima Yi sat down and remarked looking at the group of men.

"Zhou Yu's natural death was impeded and Lu Xun has joined the forces of Pyrotech." Stated Lu Su.

"What do you all do at these meetings?"

"Talk about the strategies we carried out on each other's forces." Liang said plainly.

Sima Yi boasted, "I don't regret what I have done to your forces or to the Wu."

Zhuge Liang agreed, "Neither do I."

Everyone else agreed. After several therapy meetings for retired tacticians. Sima Yi found himself fading away from the astral plane.

"What is happening to me? Why am I disappearing?... Did Koei decide to get rid of me all together!?"

Seconds later Sima Yi found himself in a stone coffin. "What is going on here? My premature burial? Get me the hell out of here!"

The stone cover opened by Sima Shi. "Get up! Father!" He demanded quite rudely.

"Why am I in a tomb? Shi? Is this one of your mother's sadistic jokes?" Sima Yi snickered.

"No, She killed you with dysentery baozi... If you don't remember..." His son recalled from memory.

"Yes, I will have a long talk with your mother and now with you... Shi... You are my favorite son! Loyal and examplar!" He gave a fatherly hug to Sima Shi.

"Is there something you are not happy with me about? Father?" Shi asked like the daddy's boy he is.

Sima Yi had one thing he was upset with Sima Shi about, "Stop obsessing over meat buns."

"Why did you make her my bodyguard?"

"It was D.W Empires 8 then... So, Yeah. I knew you liked attractive women with massive meat buns so I pressed on character creation and made her a custom character. I didn't know she would get side tracked in the process of her game play and get hooked up with the eviler version of me." Sima Yi confessed to Shi. The irony.

"He made her a vampire."

Sima Yi snickered, "He would... At least he made custom boobs into a vampire and not Zhao... Breasts are the best distraction." Yi didn't want to imagine what a Sima Zhao vampire would even be like or a Wang Yuanji vampire! That would be terror.

"I see... She doe's have nice meat buns... Everyone likes those buns ... Yet, I let her be used as leverage with criminals... And made into a vampire's bride... I have to save her..." Sima Shi didn't think this was the first thing he would talk to Sima Yi after his resurrection.

Sima Yi gruffed and turned away, "Waste of your time, Shi."

"Why did they bring in mom?" He changed the subject.

"People talk about female characters sacrificing their personalities for cooing over their spouses... When Zhang Chunhua came a part of me was erased by the almighty gods of development." Sima Yi raged.

"Do you think that will happen to me? When my wife comes here?" Shi whimpered persperation going down his face.

"Zhao was the first of the Sima to get a slap on the face in the form of Yuanji... When your wife comes along they will erase a part of your brain called independent character development cuz that spouse will be stitched to you... A part of you." Sima Yi rambled on to his eldest son.

"If that is the case they should just put in one of my nameless daughters do what they did with the Qiaos. Sima one, two, three and so on... The Romans do that!" Sima Shi counted with his fingers.

"If that happens you would get the daddy stamp on your head, make you look like forty something year old and then you would only be given two stages to be in cuz your kids take over afterwards."

After a long conversation on how unfair being in D.W is. The two Simas returned to the Jin estate. Sima Yi sat down at his desk and reattached his hat to his head. Zhang Chunhua walked in with a bowl of baozi.

"Shi, I have your baozi!" She called out. Her eyes widened when she saw her husband. She dropped the bowl on the floor.

"YI! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!" Chunhua pointed a finger at him.

"I am back! Dear! And I am not leaving until the year of my true death!" He laughed maniacally.

"Fu$k! How did you come back to life?" She glared intently.

"Shi had me resurrected."

"That little shit! Why don't you stay in the ground?!" She threw a meat bun at his face. Sima Yi threw it back at her.

Sima Zhao stuck in his head, "Don't kill each other! Mom and dad!" Sima Yi threw a meat bun at his face. Zhao caught it with his mouth and began to eat it, "hmm, good meat bun..."

"Zhao! Get out! We are fighting!" Zhang Chunhua flew at Sima Yi.

Zhao closed the door and spoke to Shi and Yuanji. "No need to worry, They seem to be rebonding."

Yuanji crossed her arms and turned her head. Zhao was bullshiting but he was right, "Let's leave them alone, Come on, Zhao."

"I will make sure they don't kill each other... literally." Sima Shi forebodes to the couple.

[A/N : Since I basically used up all my brain and creative power to write these nine chapters in two weeks... I'm going to go a little slower with this story... Geez, I wish I could do my A.C Fanfiction like this! They would be done... Okay, It seems the reoccurring theme here is boobs... Okay okay! I'm joking! There are worse things I could make fun of or exaggerate about!]


	16. Fang Qi

Character Concept: For Qi. I combined all the female DW characters personality traits that didn't over lap all into one and used the most common body trait Tecmo puts out for their female characters. Huge boobs. With the exception of her height.

Fang Qi

Nicknames: Massive meat buns, vampire bride, Leviathan boobies, bodyguard, original character, custom character, bitch.

Gender: Female

Age: 21

Birthday: ?

Birth place: ??

Height: 6'0" (Contemplating on making her shorter.)

Weight: 190 pounds. This chick works out, too. Her boobs take up about 20% of her weight.

Shirt size: Since her boobs are massive she has to have her tops tailored to fit her.

Bra Size: The Orihime Inoue cup... Whatever size that would be... You want to know what brand of bra she buys? Its called not-there-bra cuz DW boobs do not obey the laws of physics and gravity. They are supported by an antigravity field or spell... Whatever... All we know this is 100% better than Victoria Secret.

Pants Size: You think she got a big ass? DW female characters don't got asses. Even though her pants try to make it look like she got a butt.

Shoe Size: A nine in U.S measurements.

Hair Color: black, long and wavy on the ends. (She went to the Koei salon.)

Eye Color: Grayish purple

Vampire Eye Color: Red rubies

Appearance: Tall, Slightly muscular but not not enough to make her look unfeminine. D.O.A inspired boobs. Has hips. Has good looks like all D.W characters!... Okay even the ugly ones are the epitome of their genre.

Clothing: A cross over between Chinese fashion and anachronistic dark vinyl. A white waist length coat with embroidery that shows cleavage and a black robe lines beneath. A vinyl pair of pants with a belt with tool pockets. Knee length leather boots.

Personality: Supportive, unpredictable, provocative, and cheery. Head strong.

Vampire personality: Bitchy, 'thirsty', passive. Obsessive. Protective. Angry.

Hobbies: Bathing, training, pretty clothes, reading.

Likes: Surprises, li hua rabbits, the sky, Plants, comfortable clothes.

Dislikes: Ghosts, rude people, spiders, snakes, creepy dreams, were-creatures.

Fears: Ghosts, great heights, spiders, snakes, loosing the people she cares about.

Weapon: two stars

Mythical Bio: Qi was born from a fallen branch of the tree of life. Her mother a gardener discovered her and adopted her. When scholar Fang Sung learnt of the story on how they were given a daughter by the heavens. He adamantly supported his wife's choice. This girl was a blessing and she was going to be treated as so. Keeping their daughter's true birth story a secret they took to their deaths. (This bio is just crap... Cute thou.)

Vampire Bio: When becoming a key part to finding the vampire Okuni. She was supposed to become the thrall of Jia Chong but do to failure on his part in the process of making her his puppet. He drained her almost to the point of death which then instead of facing the responsibility for killing her. He made Qi a vampire instead. What an idiot. At least he got a useful ally.

Theme songs:

'All The Right Moves' by One Republic

'Six feet under ground' by Sneaker Pimps

'Reptile' By Nine Inch Nails

'Potential' By Ludovico Technique

'Doll Parts' by Hole


	17. Serendipity

In the garden of the Jin estate. Sima Shi practiced his fencing against a generic general. For he invented the rapier long before the English did or the french... Whatever!

Once he drew blood from the man. They stopped. He attempts to wipe away the blood from the blade. As a result of blood letting. A gracious hand aims the blade to her mouth, licking the blood up with her tongue in a almost sensual fashion depending upon who was watching. In this case a very stupified Sima Shi.

"Better not let the blood shed go to waste, My lord." Her words sent shocks through him.

Shi looked to the steel of the rapier [Never at her.] and took the blade from Qi, "Shouldn't you be with Jia Chong?"

"I am my own person, I do what I want and take what I want." She made known most harshly.

"What do you want?"

The bodyguard had hungry eyes and a kind smile, "I don't wish of anything from you."

"Stop looking at me like you want to eat me," Shi defended.

"It's in my nature." She giggled. Sima Shi closed his eyes as she came face to face with him. He felt her deathly cold lips touch his own. An impassioned kiss.

Driven by the momentum. She caressed her fangs against the skin of his neck. Before the vampiress could take this further. A foreign power pulled her away from the young Sima.

Shi opened his eyes and he witnessed Jia Chong throw her back with such a force that made the canopy of the gazibo collapse when her lithe form crashed into it.

"The Sima clan shall not be touched by the tainted blood! Do you understand?" Wrath fused within the master vampire. He held her down by her neck.

"Mmaster!" Qi wailed red tears falling over her cheeks. She was reduced to an agonised blood drinking doll.

Jia Chong grinned. He was quite satisfied with her, "Ignorance of one's self is such a beautiful thing." Moved her dark hair from her white face. He wiped away her tears of blood with his fingers and licked her blood.

"I understand." Her reply weak and passive.

Jia Chong returned to Sima Shi and apologies with a nod, "Qi cannot control her thirst yet, Please pardon her offense."

Shi felt his neck with his hand on the place where she touched him, "I will let this pass."

Everyone gathered in the study there was individual desks in a semicircle with water colors and paint brushes on each desks. Ma Dai's students; Diao Chan, Cao Xiu, Li Dian, Yue Jin and Shang Xiang.

Ma Dai peered over Li Dian's painting. "Umm, what is that?"

"It's Yue Jin at a beach hold ing a surfbroad. He's wearing a speedo too." Li Dian responded.

"A what?"

"A speedo."

Ma Dai didn't reply back to Li Dian instead he moved on away from Li Dian not making eye contact. He walked over to Yue Jin's desk.

" A classic? I believe that to be one of Botticelli's works. The birth of Venus."

"No, this is the birth of Li Dian."

Li Dian stood almost completely naked inside an open sea shell. He looked like a pretty greek god with black curling hair and a beautiful framed face.

"Very interesting, As well." Dai added before moving on.

He gazed into Diao Chan's work. "This is a murder scene?"

"Yes, It is 'historical' too. I'm killing Dong Zhuo by riping his spine from his body." Diao Chan gleamed happily at the picture.

"Okay... Shang Xiang! That is an amazing painting."

"Oh, Thanks! It's a scantly clad Lian Shi riding on the back of a weretiger who is named Sun Quan."

"Please continue." He nodded and his eyes followed to Cao Xiu's self portrait. "Ah, A self portrait? But how do you remember how you look?"

"I look at my reflection that shows over the waters of the palace pond."

"How very self observant."

Cao Pi and Zhen Ji entered the study room and looked at the art themselves.

"What are we going to do with their art?" Zhen Ji requested from Cao Pi.

He smirked, "Sell it at auction."

"Oh, The gold." Zhen Ji said back telepathically. "What if they liked their art?"

"Too bad for them. We will still sell it."

Sima Yi walked into the garden to throw his horse whip into the pond, "It seems they gave me back my horrid feather fan... Until I get my whip back..." He dropped it into the pond.

"Who broke the canopy? Zhao!?" Yi called out to his younger son who was not received, "I will fix it." Sima Yi used his magic to restructure the canopy to it's original state.

He rushed down to Zhao and Yuanji's room. Sima Yi opened the door, "Zhao! What did I tell you about the destruction of property? My property?"

"Dad!"

"Oh... Muahahahah! I know now who will give me grand kids for sure." Sima Yi exclaimed as they hid under the blankets.

"Get out father!"

"Fine, Make me a grand son." Sima Yi demanded before closing the door.

"Hey, Are you Sima Yi?" Asked a girl he did not recognize as she ran down the pavilion.

"Yes, And who are you?"

"I am Xin Xianying!" She brightened up with a smile.

"A new warrior girl for Jin... Follow me to my office." Sima Yi gestured on.

Once they entered his office. Sima Yi sat down at his desk and took out a scroll and told Xin Xianying to sign it.

"Um, What is this for?"

"Just sign it."

"Ok ok."

"You will also have to register your weapon."

Yuanji tied her robe and aimed for the door.

"Come on! Yuanji! Come back to bed!" Zhao laid on their bed in a provocative sexy pose.

"No, I'm going to take a bath." She was beginning to smell like stinky Zhao instead of flowers.

Fun fact: Yuanji's farts don't stink.

She walked down the pavilion and witnessed Sima Shi spying on his father, "Why are you spying on your father? My lord?"

"I think my dad is flirting with that new girl."

'Another annoying little girl for Jin... At least we don't have it as bad as Shu.' Sima Yi thought, "Do you have a husband or boyfriend?" He asked Xianying writing on a scroll.

"He's not out of generic club yet." She said staring at his hat. "... I'm kinda lonely."

"I'm lonely, too." He stated without thinking first. "Since we both are lonely maybe we should spend some time together... Smart people talk and parties."

"Don't you have a wife and sons?"

"Yes, but I wish I was a still a bachelor... a freeman."

"You are a married man. How old you?"

"You are my wife's age." He claimed.

"This is sexual harassment in the work place!" Defended the loli.

"Sexual? You imbecile! I don't have any friends! And I don't want to have ANYTHING to do with you sexually." It came back bitting Sima Yi in the ass. He was an asshole in his mortal life and this is why he doesn't have friends.

"Oh, I wonder why you don't have any friends?" Xianying put her hands on her hips. She misunderstood Sima Yi's intentions.

Sima Yi sneered, "I will show you to your room." He told her to follow into the pavilion.

Xianying stopped at a wooden door and suggested, "Can I have this room?"

"No, You cannot... It's haunted... The walls cry." Sima Yi dragged her to the next room close to where the custom character stays.

Xianying opened the door and pouted about the color of the walls, "A baby blue? It's ugly!"

"Too bad... It's yours." Sima Yi pushed her into the room and locked the door.

"Open the door! You old pervert!"

'Now... We have our very own annoying character in Jin... Ugh...' Sima Yi shook his head and went to search out for Chunhua.

"Today we greet a new member of Jin! Even though I believe she belongs in Wei... This is Xin Xianying!" Sima Yi displayed the new moe girl.

"Hi! Everyone! My name is Xin Xianying and I was known for giving advice to my relatives!" She began to experience stage fright, "Why did they have to make me a character? I wasn't that important! I want to go back to the generic inferno!" She cried into Sima Yi's vest/robe.

'Just like Xiahou Ba when he was made a character.' Sima Yi tried to comfort her by patting her on the back. "It's just a symptom of coming out of the generic category... They always want to go back."

Zhang Chunhua glittered to Sima Yi, "Ugh, Get this girl off of me! Deng Ai get your drill!"

Everyone sat down at the banquet table and began to dine. Zhao remarked, "Why the hell was my dad comforting the new girl?"

Jia Chong gave a naughty smirk, "She is cute and innocent, hehheh."

"WTF! Jia Chong! Shes like thirty years older than you!... Vampire you is fucked up... Isn't that custom chick satisfying your sadistic needs enough?" Zhao asked uncomfortable thanks to his statement.

"More than enough and more the merrier." He grinned as the vampire bride came and sat on his lap.

"Alcohol releases the sorrows. Would you like some wine? Xianying?" Chunhua offered Xianying a cup of wine.

"Oh, Thanks!" She was about to drink but Sima Yi swiped it out of her hand once he saw what was in it. Belladonna leafs. He threw it against a wall.

"Why did you do that?"

"It had poison in it... Never receive drinks from my wife." Sima Yi warned her.

"Why?"

"She's an escapee from the bad lands." He whispered knowing Chunhua was listening in.

"She's crazy?"

"Yes, She's psychotic. She kills people."

Chunhua quoted angrily, "If I started killing people... There would be none of you left."

Sima Yi was creeped out, "You had to quote that guy?"

Xianying didn't know who, "What guy?"


	18. Chapter 18- REWRITE

Authoress: I edited this chapter cuz after reading after I published it. This was a mistake. I got the wrong point across with a few characters. I was having some emotional troubles and very little sleep so I wasn't thinking clearly... Heh, whatever.

I got rid of most of the bullcrap in a conversation between the two vampires and added better dialogue that was much less out of place. I hope this is a little better. Well, It's romantic in a creepy way...

I will try to make my oc custom character a stronger character without her going out of character. My only reviewer M.M(sister) says I should do this and I agree.]

"We can bathe together." Zhao said walking in on Wang Yuanji as she stepped into the tub.

"Zhao!" Wang Yuanji submerged into the bathwater causing water to splash on the tiled floor.

"We've both seen each other nude."

"Well..." Yuanji blushed.

Sima Zhao threw his bathrobe at Yuanji playfully.

"Zhao!" Wang Yuanji scolded.

Zhao was about to step into the tub when he slipped.

His body broke the wall into a room lit by candles and with black paint on the walls and a medallion shaped window with velvet black drapes covering them. Jia Chong's room.

"Shit, This is Jia Chong's quarters." Zhao whispered to Yuanji.

"Shush, Zhao." She replied low tone.

"Wanna spy on them? Yuanji?"

She disagreed, "They probably know we are here already... I need to change."

The married couple heard a disembodied high pitched scream of pain and a plead for mercy. A strong copper smell.

"Zhao, Don't go in there... You are naked." Warned his ever so self conscious girlfriend.

Zhao took his bathrobe and puts it on, "I wonder what they are doing? Feeding maybe." He stepped through very quietly.

"At least they made you more muscular," Complimented the soft voice of Qi from the shade of darkness. They were in another room within Jia Chong's quarters.

"Zhao, Get back here!" She demanded lowly.

"I'm curious, Yuanji."

She rolled her eyes and released a quiet breath.

Zhao peeked a little into the room beyond the curtains covering it. On the cold floor there laid a limp maid who was breathing shallowly. In the chair behind the body sat a shirtless Jia Chong. He seemed to be lost in thought. His companion in a new pair of light flowing robes, a vinyl corset, and gold bracelets entered from the room on the other side. She knelt down and finished the maid.

"I told you not to kill the maid, Qi." Chong implied angrily.

"Once I start... It's hard to stop." She moaned flatly. He knew how that felt all too well. "We can find a new maid."

"And a new home? While we are at it?" The Jin estate was their only home.

"Why are you angry with me? I do everything you ask of me! I care for your needs." Qi pleaded tears of blood coming down her cold cheeks, She stopped, "I can't believe I developed feelings for a snake like you." Yes, he was very limited in the feeling category.

He felt her black hair with his hand, "How can you love me? And disobey my wishes?"

"You are going to punish me? It only serves to make me hate you! Knowing I can never breakaway from your influence." She raved defensively standing up over him.

Jia Chong huskily noted, "You are being dramatic. Punishment of a spouse is not a practice of mine... The night that I turned you was the time you became my bride and there on I have protected you ever since. I have attended to your needs as my companion. If I had hated you, Qi ... You wouldn't be where you are now."

"Are you stilI angry with me about what I did to Lord Sima Shi?" Qi reminded him.

"It is the Sima who protect us. That is why we are still here. The family must remain human... You cannot interact with Shi in a way that could kill him and our trust with the Sima."

He was right and Qi agreed, "Yes, As you wish." She nodded and took his dark robes from a mannequin. "Here, My lord."

He placed the robes on the arm of the chair and embraced Qi's waist from behind, "If you step out of line again I may not be there to stop you or them."

"Why is it so hard for you to say that you love me?" She laid her head back on his chest.

"Why do you love me?" Intoned Jia Chong holding her tightly.

"Heh, Do I need a reason?" She giggled.

Chong replied, Quite amused by her naivety, "I suppose you don't," He caressed her neck with his cold lips. Qi turned around and pushed back his hair. She kissed him. His white hands unties the rouge colored ribbon on the back of her vinyl corset. Pulling out the ribbon.

"I can feel eyes on me, My lord... Someone is watching... I can smell them as well." Qi informed him.

"If someone is watching... Let them." Jia Chong chuckles evily. He unties his waifu's robe.

"I don't want anyone to watch. Even if it makes them jealous or enticed! My heart is only meant for you." She claims laying down on the bed.

"Your heart belongs to me? You have kissed another." He whispered in her ear. Caressing the center of her bare chest.

"A kiss can be a greeting card or a farewell wave. It doesn't provide the proof of romantic love... And if it is know that not all affections last eternity." Fang Qi stated intellectually. Her blood flushed her cheeks.

"Love and life is brief but death lasts forever... Let me love you to death."

Zhao ran back to Yuanji and back through the hole. He used his magic and fixed the wall, "What is wrong with you?"

"I never knew Jia Chong was well versed in the seductive art of 'undressing thy lover'." Zhao gulped nervously.

"Zhao, You are a pervert." Yuanji grunted crossing her arms.

"No, I'm not!"

"You watched them make love!" She threw a towel at him so he could dry his hair.

"It's called knowing your enemy!" He groveled drying his hair with his towel. (A/N: No, Actually he only watched the PG-13 confrontation above.)

"You mean you are trying to compete with Jia Chong to see who gets the most sexual encounters?" Yuanji assumed outraged by his behavior.

"He's beating me!" Pouted the Sima who didn't think first before opening his mouth.

"Ugh! You guys are ridiculous." Yuanji walked out.

Zhao chased after her, "Yuanji! Are you mad at me now?"

"Yes, I am! I thought you had feelings for me?" Yuanji almost cried but the tsundere in her stopped her from doing so.

"I said that I loved you! Yuanji. Don't you remember?"

"That was when we were kissing!" She slammed the bedroom door on his face.

Wang Yuanji changed and waited for Zhao to leave. So she strolled into the stone path into the garden and was met with Sima Shi. By her expression he could tell the blonde was unhappy.

"Why are you sad? Yuanji?" He asked sensitively.

"Zhao... Is a jerk!" She whimpered anger and sorrow.

"Don't cry Yuanji, My fool of a brother isn't worth it." He scorned quite harshly.

"I love Zhao..." She cried softly wiping away her tears.

"What did he do to hurt you?" Shi gave her a kind hug.

"He used me in one of the bets he and his idiot friends make to see who can get laid the most." She testified.

"Just leave him to loose. Zhao will learn of his stupidity on his own." He tried to calm her down.

"Yes, Thank you, Lord Sima Shi." Yuanji always liked how honest Shi was.

Zhang Chunhua plotted her second vengeance against her imbecile husband. Sima Yi was ever so cautious of her now. Whenever she was nearby he watched her actions intently. She had to go about this situation in the cover of night when Yi was sleeping. No, She wasn't going to kill him.

"Chunhua, What are you doing?" Asked Sima Yi who approached from behind her as she watched that Xin Xianying girl.

"This doesn't concern you, My dear." She remarked.

"Go talk to Xin Xianying, Instead of staring at her." He urged her on.

"I won't let her ruin this family!" She thought out loud. The spirit of yandere almost infested inside her if it wasn't for Sima Yi.

"Zhang Chunhua, You are my wife and only one."

"Then why are you so nice to her?"

Sima Yi sighed, "I can't be friends with members of the opposite sex? Who are not my wife or daughter in law?"

Chunhua found it hard to answer that, "I suppose you could... I myself have younger guys who are my friends."

"Such as who?"

"Yi, Don't feel jealous." She giggled playfully. "Those young men are not you."

"Zhang Chunhua... It's getting late... Come on." Sima Yi took her hand and they were off.

A conflicted Zhao spoke to Jia Chong inside the vampire's room, "I think Wang Yuanji hates me now! She thinks I made a bet with you to see who gets the most sexual encounters."

"And you said you did, Zhao." Jia Chong grinned at his friend's stupidity.

"I wasn't thinking."

Jia Chong only laughed lightly.

"I think she is cheating on me with my brother..." Zhao closed his eyes and laid his back on the chair.

"It wouldn't surprise me." The vampire replied.

"My brother is a poisonous snake who only cares about himself."

Chong nodded, "That is true."

"You don't have faith and trust in Yuanji? There is a reason why she married you and not your brother." Qi gave Zhao a cup of tea on a wooden tray.

Zhao smiled meekly at her words, "Yes, You are right, Qi."

"The only thing you can do is to ask her if she is cheating on you." The raven haired vampiress added sitting with Jia Chong.

"What if she lies to me?"

"Yuanji isn't a skilled lair, Zhao." Chong emphasized on.

"Yes, Thanks, Jia Chong." He snickered, "What are you two doing?"

"We were reading ancient texts." Qi's ruby eyes traced the scrolls to the table between them. "Shi asked us to research were-creatures."

"Were creatures... Are there were bunnies?" Zhao questioned.

"No... Zhao." Jia Chong said shaking his head in disbelief.

"If there were 'were-bunnies'... That would be soo cute!" The true Qi came through.

"Heh, There are were-wolves, horses, tigers, and pandas," Jia Chong outlined to Zhao.

"Don't forget were-foxes." Qi tittered crossing her legs in a lady like fashion.

"Like the sadistic empress Da Ji?"

"Yes, Zhao."


	19. Smiley Face

Warning from the author: Contains ill morality, idiots, subjugation, and total scumbags and morons. Read at your own discretion. Also to note I will be rewriting the chapter before this one.. It needs to be fixed badly. Yes, I ship Chong and Zhao as well. This is another story to piss you off... I know I made Zhao kinda of a dumbass...]

Zhang Chunhua stood in front of the mirror. She twirled around in her new clothes. These were so much more comfortable than her previous outfit. She kinda missed her cleavage though.

"Now they dress me up like a respectable lady of my status as mother, wife and feared matron... Though I kinda miss my boob window."

"As I said once I didn't pick your hooker dress for you Chunhua... This was the one meant for you. I chose this for you." Sima Yi claimed looking at the brilliant design of her 9th outfit.

"You don't like my cleavage anymore?" She gave one of her creepy smiles.

"It's not that! I rather not have a bunch of young men staring at my wifes breasts when we are supposed to be preparing for battle. Including our sons." He corrected most honestly.

"Yes, I think they also made me go down in bra size." She examined her own boobs.

"I went down in hat height." He revealed shyly.

Zhang Chunhua's smile widened and her eyes ventured down, "Do you want me to check down there?"

"No, My dear... You are not my doctor." Sima Yi almost blushed. He curbed her.

"Are you sure? Don't you like me in a naughty nurse outfit?" Chunhua preferred the dominatrix leather instead.

"Heh, I like the belly dancer outfit."

Zhao walked in sluggishly. He whimpered under his breath Yuanji's name. He looked at the wood floor.

"Zhao, What is wrong? dear?" His mother patted him on the back.

"I am such an asshole... Yuanji..."

"Yes, Well, You are your father's son." She chortled.

Sima Yi bursted out laughing his evil laugh. He was so used to being an asshole, It was now a compliment!

He stopped and noticed something unusual about Zhao. His clothes were now a black color and he wore black eye liner!

"This is so unlike you, Zhao... What is your problem?"

"I had an argument with Yuanji and now she won't talk to me... I'm going back to bed." He sulked walking into the room of his parents.

"... The trivial issues of people your age...You have to solve this matter on your own... Get out of my room you lazy ass." Sima Yi shooed the stuporous Zhao out, "Go sleep in Jia Chong's room... Where eyeliner belongs."

"Fine..." He moved out with a zombie walk.

Sima Zhao sluggishly entered Jia Chong's room and dropped himself onto the large bed with black satin blankets and fell asleep quickly. A few hours later. Both of the vampires came back from their studies and hovered over Zhao on his left and right.

"What a lazy lout... He claims he's depressed... Then he falls asleep... Shall we have some fun with him?" Jia Chong poked Zhao's cheek with his index finger.

"Oh, I brought my lipstick with me." Qi took out her black lipstick from her garter belt.

"Perfect." Jia Chong gleamed and took the lipstick from her.

Jia Chong draws a smiley face on Zhao's facial and chuckles throatedly while doing so. Qi takes Jia Chong's eye liner and draws two vertical lines going down Zhao's shut eyes and lids.

"Now he has a clown face! Smile! Zhao." Chong mocked him. Zhao makes a whimpering sound in his sleep.

A giggle came from Qi, "Chong, You are so bad... Shall we play with him more?"

"Yes, Let's move him in an ackward position so when he wakes up he would fall off the bed." Jia Chong was ever so the schemer.

"What if Zhao wakes up when we are moving him?"

"No, worries. Zhao sleeps like the dead." Chong began to move the lazy bum. Qi and Chong moved Zhao's body into a position that if he moved at all he would fall off the bed.

"Let's go play Mahjong." She took her lover's hand and they left Zhao to his slumber.

[The next sunny morning]

Zhao fell off the bed. He groaned. His face flat on the floor, "Things just get bad to worse."

He looked over to under the bed to see two glowing cyan blue eyes staring straight at him. It was Jia Chong.

"Morning, Zhao."

"You just don't stare at someone after they get up... It's creepy."

"You are staring at me... How do you think I feel?"

"For you nightmares are pleasant dreams." Zhao elaborated. "Why are you under the bed?"

"I like it under here."

"Why don't you sleep on top of the bed?"

Jia Chong made known, "My vampire bride sleeps on the bed... When she falls asleep, I will come back up beside her."

"Why do you wait for her to fall asleep?"

"So she doesn't bother me with constant begging for more."

"You are the one who wanted her to be like that... You told me about vampiric manipulation." Zhao figured Jia Chong realized that having a vampire bride who just wants to make love all the time has drastic complications in several areas of life and undeath.

"Doing that... Was a mistake."

"Damn, We both are assholes." Zhao declared feeling guilty.

Chong seemed to agree, "I will have to change her mind."

Zhao yawned, "Yuanji..., I'm going back to sleep." He got up off the floor and laid down on the bed in a place farest away from the woman on the other side.

That afternoon Zhao woke again. A Jia Chong slept between Qi and himself. He walked out into the pavilion and confronted Wang Yuanji by chance. She looked at his face and began to laugh at him.

"Why are you laughing at me?"

Sima Shi walked down from behind his brother and laughed at his face as well.

"Shi! You jerk! Stop laughing at me and leave Yuanji alone!" He came at his brother, "I love her!"

"Stop, Disrespecting her because she loves you as well." His big brother was telling the truth and Zhao stopped.

"Yuanji..." Zhao whimpered.

"Zhao, Jia Chong already told me the truth. Stop acting like a fool." Yuanji slapped him on the face, She laughed, "You have a black make up smile face on your face."

"I do?" Zhao rubbed his face with his hand and smeared the make up. "This is Jia Chong's make up... He must've put it on me when I was sleeping... That black wearing...Heh, He's a good friend, anyway."

"You will have to work had to earn my full forgiveness." The blonde insisted. Yuanji was too understanding of Zhao to truly hate him. He was after all an imbecile and an idiot. He at times doesn't understand his actions. He was raised by a helicopter mom, after all, Who didn't let him learn from his mistakes. That still wasn't an excuse. Jia Chong told her about his speech blunder and she told him about Zhao 'learning' from Chong's example by watching him. Spying.

[Few days later]

Over the pond water. Qi sat alone and looked at her reflection. Chong, Yuanji and Zhao were off on a campaign from Sima Shi. Jia Chong was furthering himself from her recently but she really didn't care, he was the type to come and go whenever he pleased to. Though she kept her promise not to harm the Sima.

"Qi, I have something for you." Said Sima Shi. In his hands sat a small rabbit eating a piece of cabbage nervously. She could tell the animal was frightened but very hungry.

She smiled brightly at first but that smile turned into a frown, "I could possibly kill the innocent rabbit... Please keep her away." Did he want her to kill it?

"I promise you will not." He urged her to pet the creature.

"I... Don't want to hurt you either... I came here to protect you." She cried meekly. "Please don't, Shi."

Realizing his attempts to make her happy were futile. Shi released the animal onto the grass and walked closer to her, "Okuni told me how to break Jia Chong's power over you."

"How?"

"You would have to create another vampire." He revealed. "You would also become a master vampire."

"I don't want to create other vampires, Shi. As much as I hate being the bride to a master vampire. He wants me to love him because he himself cannot love others or himself, if he does allow himself to fall in love, he fears loosing himself... I cannot allow myself to hurt another. They would be subjugated and cursed by vampirism." Qi explained. She would never change her mind about this. "I will endure... I have always."

"He compels you to feel and do what he wants you to do." Shi foretold to Qi, "If he told you to destroy yourself... Would you do it?"

"He has stopped me from doing so once..." She accounted the time. "Is there something you need? My lord?"

"Will you come with me?" He offered her his hand in a gentlemanly fashion.

She blushed and took his gloved hand, "Yes, I shall, Where will we be going?"

"No where in particular." He smiled.

"Okay," She held his hand tightly with her own. Shi brought her white hand to his warm lips and kissed it.

Unbeknownst to these two. Kaguya possessed the bunny. who she forced to cast a time warp spell on the whole Jin estate. A yellow light began to flash. Illuminating everything.

Both Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua came to see what was the disturbance. "Shi, What is going on here?"

"That rabbit casted sometype of magic..."

Chunhua flicks her hair back, "Why did you bring it here?"

"I found it when I was exploring outside... I didn't know this white bunny was magical."

"Shi, That breed of rabbit is not indigenous to this region of China."

"Is this a light show?" A Xin Xianying stepped out adjacent to the married couple.

"This is magic, Xin Xianying..."

"Oh, Then why is everything moving faster and reality is tearing apart from under our feet?"

The very exited Xiahou Ba skipped over to Xianying with a piece of tech he made, "Wanna see something I made? Xianying?... What is happening here?"

By this time everything was gone and the six began to fall through a dark abyss. Zhang Chunhua gripped Sima Yi's back holding onto him with both her arms and legs. She lets him do the screaming.

"Chunhua, What are you doing? Why aren't you screaming?" He asked.

"We are free falling, Yi. You should be used to me on you like this... You scream like a woman." She sneered.

That was true fact, "We are eventually going to fall onto some hard surface."

"Yes, You will soften my fall." Chunhua kissed him on the cheek.

"Great, I have a better idea... Before we hit the ground I will cast levitation."

"Hopefully your magic works here, Yi." Zhang Chunhua made sure Sima Yi's hat didn't fly off his head.

"Hah, Do you see Shi anywhere? Above? cuz he isn't below us?"

"I'm going to die! Help! Nu Wa!" Xin Xianying screamed from the top of her lungs, As she fell. A smaller body of full body armor hit her on the head and she passed out. This was little Xiahou Ba.

"Sorry, big sis, Xianying." He grabbed her hand and turned on the turbo power of his weapon. They started to charge faster down the hole than their other four companions.

Qi grabbed Shi from under his arms and held him close, with her strong grip. "Are you okay? My lord?"

"Yes, I'm fine... We are falling through a dark crevasse... Can you use your flight ability here? Qi?" He asked her thinking logically with a calm mind. Shi could hear the screaming of his father, Xin Xianying, and Xiahou Ba.

"We are going to die!" She screamed, her boobs smothering his face. She didn't really answer his question.

"That is a possibility... Wherever we are going I hope it's not the Orochi world... Zhao survived that because he was sitting on his ass most of the time while everyone else was getting their asses killed by the Xiangliu*." Shi spoke of the obvious, "That idiot became a leader because of that alone... Sitting on his lazy ass."

"Truth," She smiled cheerfully. "We will eventually meet the ground... I will break your fall because I have a better chance of survival against gravity than you, My lord." Qi rolled over into his position. He held hers.

Shi faced her, His straight face was cracking like glass, He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the current problem afoot. "Can't you just fly?" Shi repeated.

"I will wait." She noted. Everything was so black against her sensory vision except for the living bodies around her.

She kissed him gently. It wasn't like their first. This one was not out of frenzy but calmness. He didn't want her to stop but she did.

"Why did you stop?"

"My lord, I don't want to loose control and hurt you." She claimed honestly. "I promised I wouldn't harm the Sima."

Sima Yi casted the light spell, He looked over to see his eldest son sucking face with the dark haired vampiress, "He doesn't listen to his father... She is trouble."

"Hmm, Well, If they want to live like that... Let them." Chunhua summed up to Sima Yi.

"Xin Xianying is winning the falling race." Sima Yi scoffed.

"Hmm, She will hit the ground hardest." Chunhua chuckled softly.

-Glossary: The Xiangliu is a nine headed serpent monster from Chinese myth. Its blood is poison. Very similar to the Hydra.


	20. Of Mighty Assholery

A/N: Here, I gave the dragon king a distinct personality. Since there are many dragon kings in Chinese myth... It was hard to choose one. So I made the current king a former prince who risen to the throne.

The six endlessly fell through the abyss for what have seemed a week and a half. Oddly enough they were not fatigued until coming out from the hole and into the dark clouds of a graying sky. Qi could see a mountainous terrain below. With her flight ability she brought Sima Shi to the ground surface.

"Qi! You have to save my parents!" He pleaded.

"Yes, My lord." She nodded and flew back up into the sky.

"Lady Zhang Chunhua and Lord Sima Yi! Allow me to take you both to safety!" She grabbed both the parents with her arms.

"Get your hands off of me! You dull men's brain's with your bosom, defiler!" Sima Yi tried to get himself out of the waifu's embrace.

"Shut your trap, Yi." Chunhua defended, "This is a matter of life, and death, you don't want to over use your magic? Now do you?"

"My dear... I rather not be handled by a harpy such as the soulless woman who is trying to seduce our eldest son." He returned to the strawberry blonde.

"I promised Chong would never hurt your family, Sima Yi." She consoled placing them both on their feet beside Shi.

"You idiot, I didn't mean violence! I meant you are trying to get into my son's pants! Must I remind you... You are dead- He is alive! I don't want my son fucking dead girls! I don't want you to make him a vampire or kill him. As much a creep he... is please stay with Jia Chong." Sima Yi dictated to the vampiress, Chunhua was moved by his words in a positive way. "Now, that I think about it. Our oldest son is becoming a bit of a... Necrophiliac. Being attracted to a living dead bimbo after all." Sima Yi in mid conversation whispered to Chunhua.

"He must get that from your ancestry." Zhang Chunhua sighed. When chance came to it, Shi inherited all the bad genes. Luckily, her baby boy Zhao didn't. Chunhua thanked the heavens for that.

"What?!" Sima Yi blurted, ignoring Qi.

"As you wish, Lord Sima Yi." Qi turned to Shi who had a nervous expression. His father was right.

Xiahou Ba with Xin Xianying on his back hovers to the surface using his weapon.

"Oh, I could have picked up the both of you as well." Qi noted acknowledging their presence.

"We are fine... Where are we?" Ba gazed up to the dark skies. "Is it like this all the time?"

"A place... That still looks like a more chaotic version of China concerning the thunderstorms, mountains, bare trees, and dark skies." Sima Yi described the surroundings in whole.

"A nightmare landscape." Xianying mused.

"We should follow this river." Qi pointed out to a river to the east.

Once the six reached the river. A rainbow serpent raised from the water, "Welcome, To the kingdom of Wang Long of the north sea. Please follow down south of this river to his palace. I hope you enjoy your stay." Greeted the very corny suijin.

Sima Yi started to rush in the direction advised from the suijin. "Come on, You five."

After several hours and battle confrontations with evil creatures. They arrived at the fortress front gate of the dragon king.

Yi knocked and a pair of yellow eyes peeked from a rectangle barred window. "Who are you? Strangers?"

"We were advised by the Suijin to come to this fortress of the dragon king." He informed the guard.

The guards open the front gate. Finding their way to the castle wasn't hard because it was the most outstanding piece of work in the far distance. So after climbing up a series of stairs to make a olympic athlete stop for a breather. The dragon designed doors opened. They walked down a jade blue carpet guided by pillars until meeting with the very person who sat down on the throne in a sassy legs crossed pose.

Sima Yi almost laughed at the dragon king. He resembled as if Xun Yu and Guo Jia had a baby. There was also a bratty little king former prince in there as well from what he could tell. Kinda like spoiled Cao Pi.

He had a fancy headress, blue armor and white robes. The most imposing of his appearance was his shoulder cape which shined silk and touched the floor.

"Welcome, friends. My name is king Heilong son of Ao Shun the mystic dragon of the north sea." He introduced himself in a haughty fashion. A silver cane in his right hand.

At the sight of silver. The vampiress became sick and weakened. She fell to her knees and threw up dark red blood.

"Qi!" Sima Shi tried to help her.

"I don't understand, Shi. Usually my body can withstand silver." She teared a face covered with blood.

"I am so sorry... I didn't know she was a vampire... Eunuch Anyu! Stop trying to fuck my concubines and get your ass here!" Heilong was pleased when the servant arrived, "Get this vampiress to resting place!... By that I mean a bath and bed! Not a coffin!... Death isn't a problem for us here anyway! Chop chop!" Heilong clapped his hands.

This king was a royal asshole. Yi relished in the thought. Sima Yi was an asshole, too. This will be amusing so the Sima thought.

The servant took Qi along into the inner palace.

"Why did you bring us here?" Bowed Shi.

"There is only four of you but I need five?" Heilong examined his new friends.

"You are forgetting Xiahou Ba!" Xianying brought forth the kid next to her.

"I didn't see this shorty here! Xiahou Ba! Good." Heilong cheered. Ba gave him a questioning expression. "You don't like being called shorty? ... But you are so cute!"

"I think it is time for you to stop... Didn't your mother teach you respect for others and humility?" Chunhua requested from Heilong.

"My mother is like you. A helicopter mom." He insulted her.

"We need to know why we are here?" Shi stepped in ignoring the current conversation.

Heilong wondered why Sima Yi was being so quiet but he didn't bring it up. "I brought you here for a trial of skill and display. So that I may evaluate each for a position in my court."

"A position such as?"

"That's for me to know and for you to ponder." Heilong said with devious grin.

Sima Yi doesn't like to ponder. Let alone not know the answers to every question that came across his amazing mind.

Sima Yi felt a bit flustered and enraged.

"Tell me! You man child!"

"What if I don't, mortal? Yell at me more? You shit brick wall."

That was the most amusing insult Sima Yi had ever heard. Instead of returning the insult. Sima Yi laughed manically. "Muhahaha, you are quite unique my lord... I see you have mastered the amusing insult technique that every aspiring asshole should know."

"You amuse me, Sima Yi. I picture myself having plenty of interesting conversations with you in the future." Heilong turned to Xianying and smiled, "Wanna be one of my wives?"

Xianying blushed, "I never been with a god before... What is it like?"

Heilong gave her lewd eyes, "Amazing."

Chunhua taunted, "So you've been with another god before... Which god? Heilong?"

"I've been with some huli jing (fox spirits) before..." He recounted. "I'm only interested in the female species must I remind you."

"Oh, um... Were they prettier than me?"

"Hmm, as mortals come and go. You should be counted as the most beautiful among them."

"Oh, I... Um... I'm already married."

Heilong invaded her personal space, "Hmph! To a shit eating mortal no doubt. No problem."

"No problem?" She frowned, sweat going down her face.

"No problem. I can just pull the strings of fate. Then you'll husband's spirit will become one with the heavens. Afterwards, I will marry you." Heilong finalized to Xianying.

"My husband is just an innocent generic! Please don't hurt him!" She repented for mercy.

Heilong took her up, "Technically, I am not the one who will personally kill him. That's fate's responsibility."

"I hate you! And I'm leaving." Xianying started to walk out but magical paralysis overcame her.

"Please don't leave, You are my guest." Heilong guided her back to her place.

"Leave! Sis Xianying alone! She has no interest in you." Ba defended her.

"What kind of weapon you have there? Strawberry shortcake?" The king ruffles his hair.

"A technical weapon of the future!"

"Oh, I see! I would love to watch you use this in the trials," Heilong found his metal device hard to lift. "If this proves powerful! I need skillz to make more of these!"

A female servant bowed and addressed her king, "My king, I need to tell you something..."

He motioned her to tell him in his ear. And so she did.

"WHAT?! Oh, okay. I will have to improvise the current situation."

Heilong returned to his visitors, "This discovery also concerns you five."

"What is it?"

"I have an announcement!" Heilong childishly cheered. "Your female friend of the impressive rack is with child."

Sima Yi raged and turned on his son Shi, "You had to do it! Didn't you? Necrophiliac!"

"Father! I never bedded her! I swear!" Shi tried to keep himself away from strangulation.

"Yi, Stop." Chunhua brought Yi back to sanity. "We already know the details of this."

"Yes,"

"Since, She is unable to participate in the trials..." Heilong looked out the large window. "I will have to destroy her and bring another here... Or..."

"No! Don't kill Qi and her child!" Shi begged.

"You brave noble man will fight for her child's safety and her own." Heilong always dreamed of being a Knight fighting for a cause or for a fair maid.

Shi agreed with a nodd.

"So what do you have planned for me? Little king?" Chunhua gave him her infamous smile.

Heilong was frightened by Chunhua, "This is your wife? Sima Yi? I heard she killed you once... She scares me!"

Sima Yi decided to take this as an advantage, "Yes, Indeed. Chunhua is a very scary woman. Don't take anything consumable from her and eat it."

"Keep her away! I hate the way she stares at me!"

"I do as well."

[Moments earlier]

Vampiress Qi followed the servant to an elaborate bedroom. The servant sat her down in a chair. More palace staff interrupted, readying the living space and examining her condition.

"I can't get sick," She reminded the nurse.

The mystic woman laid her hand on Qi's shoulder and revealed, "You suffer from vampirism... But you are also... pregnant,"

"How is that possible?" A weight went down her throat.

"I have the capability to read the physical bodies of all creatures. That is what I have examined from you... Congrats!... Remember to get some sleep and don't over stress about this." The nurse advised before leaving.

Qi covered her face with her hands and weeped. She thought this could never happen to her, nor did she not know how to feel about this situation she found herself in. However she knew how she got herself into this.

Two of the servants gave her a new pair of robes and began to dress her, She felt comfortable in these and so she began to relax, Yet, Qi could not stop thinking about this revelation. She could not have a child yet it was happening here and now, how would this child even be like? Would this baby be dead? Most likely. Overwhelmed by her own thoughts, Qi fell asleep on the bed of red silk.


	21. Wei Hua: Lady Of War Tactics

"Oi! Everyone shut your cake holes! I have a special announcement to make! So shut up and listen!" Luo Hei slammed his fist on the banquet table which brought his guest to attention.

"As all you breeding like rabbits mortals know there is to be torturous blood letting trails and tournament. At the arena there is to be only one judge. The judge is well versed in the ways of warfare... Quite beautiful, I would have married her if she wasn't my sister."

Half of the audiences' jaws dropped except for Sima Yi. He somehow had regained his rape face smile from Dynasty Warriors 6 and 7. The Sima Yi, you wouldn't want around children, the elderly and anything living; really... Or around a corpse, especially DW 6 Sima Yi...

You don't wanna know what the DW 6 Sima Yi would do with a corpse.

Zhang Chunhua noticed her husband's facial and stature change. Predatory and deranged.

Sima Yi began to laugh manically not the normal manically. The fanatic extrinsic laugh. Laughter that Chunhua hadn't heard in years.

Sima Yi's out burst of laughter made everyone feel apprehensive.

Sima Yi's long selved hand slithered onto the banquet table reaching for a razor sharp cleaver.

"Yi, dear?" Chunhua asked placing her hand on Yi's shoulder.

"Heh... Hahah... Muhahahah! Time for you to be served my dear Chunhua!"

Before Sima Yi could put Chunhua below the knife she grabbed Sima Yi's head slamming his forehead into the wooden table; leaving a cracked indent in the shape of Sima Yi's face on table surface.

"Father?" Sima Shi peered over his father's motionless body for the second time.

Sima Yi was unconscious.

"As I was saying before that 'shit brick' rudely interrupted me. Shit eating mortals I present to you! lady Wei Hua of war tactics!"

Everyone's attention was brought to a woman with magenta eyes. Her cat like pupils traced to every present entity in the room. Her mouth curved into a pleased smile as she found her place at the banquet table, beside her idiot brother of a king.

"Gods marry their own sisters? Don't they? Luo Hei Long?" Chunhua asked the uncomfortable question. She wasn't here to flatter like her idiot husband.

"Yes, Some do... Mostly the almighty original mystics were forced to go about such nupitals." Wei Hua spoke for her brother. "Good, Our grandmother Nu Wa outlawed such practices."

A dark haired ghost in white, gold, and blue sat beside her. He didn't speak. Yet those piercing light blue eyes traced the whole room.

Sima Yi woke up with a huge head ache, "Chunhua, Why did you do that?"

"The old Sima Yi was coming to the surface." She said simply.

Yi nodded and turned to his son, "What do you want? Shi?"

"I have plenty of questions for you, father but two come to mind and they are urgent... If you made Qi... That means... She's... My sister! I can't believe... I had such thoughts about her... I..." Shi felt the need to puke and so he put his hand over his mouth.

"Now, You figure it out! That's why I told you to never touch her! Besides it was taboo by your mother to mention anything about her origin."

"Just let it flow... And you will feel better." Said the ghost.

"Just... Who the hell are you?" Yi asked.

Shi took his father's hat and began to puke in it. This made Yi even more furious.

"My name is Yoshitsugu Ōtani. I am the vassel of..."

King Hei Long interrupted Ōtani boasting, "My sister tore 'Kanetsugu' Ōtani's soul from the depths of Jigoku and now he works for me!"

Ōtani's eyes narrowed. He turned his head away in the opposite direction of his lady of war tactics and the idiot king.

"Brother, Ōtani is my strategic vassel... Not yours." Wei Hua Long claimed forcefully. This was true. She saved him from the torturous grip of the Oni. Powerful guardians of Jigoku. Luo Hei Long never asked why she did that for a guy who looks like F.F.7's 'Vincent Valentine's musou cousin. Ever since birth he couldn't understand his magenta eyed sister anyway. She was much more clever than himself.

"I will have my own strategy master soon enough! That's why I brought Sima Yi here!" Luo Hei Long pouted and stomped his foot.

"Do you think Sima Yi would work for a total douche bag like you?" Wei Hua Long shot back at her brother's childish behavior. "The best tactical advisor you had was Da Ji but that was cut short once you found out she was cheating on you with Orochi!"

"I couldn't resist that BITCHE'S foxy charms! That snake fuck! Stealing that ho from me like that!... Only if I found another fox advisor... My life could go back to normal." Luo Hei Long had an unusual fetish for fox creatures. "But now I must use what I have."

'A fox.'

The name Mitsunari Ishida came to Yoshitsugu's mind. He found it best to keep his mouth shut for Mitsunari's sake. Ishida must never meet Luo Hei Long. After Hei Long makes an out of place comment about how attractive foxes are... Someone will die. Or they would destroy each other.

Hei Long eventually realized Da Ji was only using him. That's why he calls her a whore. When he found out Da Ji was nothing but a player. Hei Long cried rain for days making sun oriented mystics pissed and storm mystics like uncle Susano'o even happier. He was happy with Luo Hei Long being sad because the idiot deserved it.

"So what is the first thing you will have us do? Lord Luo Hei Long?" Sima Yi requested from the king.

"Your first task will be to recover a young mystic who was never named but we collectively call her 'The Cherry Blossom Princess'... Yoshitsugu will be your guide." Hei Long spoke most truthfully to Sima Yi.

"Where is she?"

Hei Long unrolled a scroll down over a clear space on the table, "Sakura no Hime slumbers peacefully in a grove covered by petals and trees. She will not be easy to snatch because she has the ability to transform into petals for cover and for the offensive."

"Hei Long tried to retrieve her but he failed... Several times." Recorded Wei Hua Long, "My best advice is to light the whole grove on fire to smoke that flower princess out."

Luo Hei Long opposed his sister's plan, "Doing that could kill her! I need her back here safely."

"What do you plan to do with her? Brother?"

"She needs to come back to the city and away from the wilds. Sakura hime has been out there for too long."

His sister sighed and took Yoshitsugu by the arm, "Come on, now. We have many things to plan."

He nodded and they were off to her study.

Sima Yi sighed, "What is with your sister and that ghost guy?"

"Those two are awfully quiet most of the time in my sister's hovel she calls a study... Thinking instead of doing..." Luo Hei Long found himself capable of none, talking was his best attribute. He wasn't much of a warrior either.

Silently Yoshitsugu read a scroll. Sitting on pillow indian style. The purple robed Wei Hua sat down next to him and looked on.

She spoke gently, "Excellent."

"There are other ways of over throwing your brother without a coup... " He stated. A coup would cause unneeded conflict.

"My brother is a fool. Our father's realm will fall into ruin with him heading our clan... Yet, You are right. My brother's view can be easily swayed at times..." She also hated the fact that Luo Hei Long had no filter in the things he says. She nodded, "Thank you, Ōtani."

"Don't thank me. I am in debt to you, My lady." His words made her blush. Wei Hua tried to hug Ōtani but she only fell through his phantom form, on to the floor.

"Sometimes, I forget you are a ghost." She stood back up. "I will have to upstart the ritual for your physical form, soon."

"I am more of an asset to you in this form than a physical one," He rolled up the scroll and closed his light 'bluish' eyes.

"Ghosts are ... useful dead... Relax and get some rest." She frowned. Recently he also gained some powers of a poltergeist.

Wei Hua entered her rooms which were separated from her study by heavy red drapes. She changed into a night gown and laid down on her large bed and fell asleep.

The morning after a raven haired Fang Qi hurried down to the court's midwife. "It's been almost two months... Why don't I Iook and feel pregnant?"

The midwife laughed it off, "Give it another seven months and a generic soldier will tell you that your baby has been born."

"This seems all... So where exactly is the child during the nine months?" Her tone a bit more serious.

"Do you think Lady Chunhua would have the body she doe's now if she really gave birth to her two sons?" The midwife only laughed again which didn't help Qi's mood.

"The infant... Drops from the sky? Shows up from no where? Where is my baby?... Waiting in a Koei-tecmo pixel lab? For nine months?" She tried to come up with possible answers.

"Actually, You weren't supposed to know about the baby... until the baby came."

Qi now wished Chong was here. To kill some idiots. "Fine, I will wait."

She walked down to her room and closed the door with a rage. She could hear a heart beat in her room and a smell of a female mortal from her closet.

She opened the closet to find a girl who could be Da Qiao's older sister, "Who are you and what are you doing in my closet?"

"I'm so sorry!... Please! Don't hurt me!"

"What is your name?" Qi requested.

She began to tear up, "I'm... Naotora Li... I was kidnapped by that scary serpent king! I ran away and hid! Help me!"

Qi sighed, "How long ago was that? He might have forgotten about you now that a girl named Xin Xianying is here."

Naotora Li smiled relief, "You still have to help me."

"You seem to be the same size as me for a robe, Come on, Let's change your clothes!" Qi took a red silk robe from her wardrobe and grabbed Naotora's hand forcing her out of the closet. Qi's clothes would mask Naotora's mortal smell from any who would harm her.

"Change my clothes?... I don't know what and who you are but..." Naotora, in this desperate situation had no choice but to trust her, "Please... just...close your eyes." Naotora took the robe and began to change, "Why do I need to change?"

"Serpentine creatures have great smelling senses don't they? My own smell will mask yours. Being hostages we have to be careful." Qi closed her eyes.

"Don't you have someone waiting for you at home?" Naotora undressed herself and slipped on the other pair of clothes. "I myself, Have an adopted son. I miss him."

"Yes, A man who is... Probably happy that I'm gone..." Qi replied with her eyes closed.

"I hope my son isn't worrying about me..."

Wei Hua Long walked down a dark hall. To an even darker room. A strong smell of death reeked from within. A necromancer's lab.

She entered through the door to see the necromancer himself, Reading a book. He was Kanbei Kuroda. "Are you finished with your experimentations? yet?"

"Yes, Taking Ōtani's soul from Hell was simple... but... It seems an oni is guarding our next target..."

"Oh, They must have a thinker on their side... Good..." She tilted her head and grinned mischievously.

Wei Hua Long stood in silence as she observed the soul orb in his hand, "I believe there has been a shift in the planes because of my brother's dallying with his best friend Kaguya." Sima Yi's sudden change in behavior was evidence enough. "Who's soul is that?"

Kanbei replied, "An old friend."

Wei Hua picked up a skull from a table of bones belonging to a human form. She smiled and caressed the skull, "And another, Who is quite dear."

A/N: Someone said I should put replies to reviews at the end of chapters... I was like... Who would review my crappy story anyway? Thank you everyone who reviewed this story! It has it's ups and downs but eh! What crappy story doesn't? This is a humor story, yes. I want to know what people think so far... Even though there's not much to be said.

When I do my oc characters I see Qi as the girl you see in anime who is a dumb (yet has bouts of intelligence) ditz and somehow she ends up with the unsavory types. King Heilong is your rude impulsive big mouth total douche bag who has an odd sexual fetish for fox creatures. Yet he knows how it is to have a broken heart and to be used. Wei Hua Long is a smart perfectionist bitch who much like her twin has odd preferences and dabbles in dark magic but has a sad side that will show up soon, If it hasn't. Personally, Heilong is my favorite oc of mine.


	22. Moon Bunny

\- Previous on Imbeciles, Fools, And Idiots- Depressed by a brief break up with Wang Yuanji, Zhao goes into an emo phase. Luckily the day after their relationship is somewhat healed by the interference of Shi and Chong. Jia Chong realizes that he has taken his own relationship with the vampire bride in a destructive direction. Six members of the Jin estate are sent through a dark endless hole to another realm by the magic of a moon bunny.

After a victorious campaign. Sima Zhao, Jia Chong, and Wang Yuanji finally returned home. Zhao called out to his mother if she had made baozhi but there was no reply. He entered his father's office and she wasn't there. Neither were they in their bedroom.

"Where is everyone?"

"I don't know... It seems they have disappeared." Yuanji stated. "If they were going somewhere what would they take?"

"Everything my parents would take with them is still in their bedroom." Zhao began to run to Jia Chong's quarters once he heard his voice.

"What is wrong? Chong?" Zhao opened his mouth.

There was no reply from Jia Chong. He stayed quiet yet Zhao knew Chong was loosing his cool. He turned around and faced Chong who had a disturbed expression on his white face.

"Are you having a mental break down? Jia Chong?"

Chong finally replied, "I swore after I returned... I would fix everything... She is gone."

"Your waifu is gone too? My parents are as well." Zhao patted him on the shoulder. "It seems she left everything behind as well."

"I cannot sense her and communicate with her. It's like she is dead."

"That is odd." Zhao remarked. "Don't loose hope, We will get to the bottom of this."

"I found Deng Ai, Guo Huai and Zhuge Dan. They said they saw a bright yellow light coming from the center of the estate walking home from the tea house last night." Informed Yuanji to the two men.

"A bright light?" Jia Chong feared the radiant light might have destroyed her. Wait! He fears something? The polar opposite of light is shadow. He hates light.

The center of the estate was the garden. Jia Chong hurried to there. He searched for a pile of ash or a chisled imprint of a tall feminine form on the stone pebble path or the walls. He found nothing of the sort. She disappeared without a trace.

"See! Chong! Your worries were for nothing." Zhao tried to make light on his current problem.

"Zhao, Shut your mouth."

"Geez, Jia Chong. What is going on with you? Why do you love her so much?" Zhao snorted.

"She isn't me, Zhao. Even in undeath there is a life force within her. It shows up in her eyes. It was foolish to try to change that..." He mused the truth to Zhao.

Zhao thought about Yuanji and relished in his feelings for her, "I see. We will find them. Nothing will stop us."

Jia Chong picked up the white bunny he found eating grass. He was going to kill it. Instead he pets the animal with his white hand. Kaguya would get angry if someone ended the life of her pet.

"You are a... Cute.. Thing.. I wonder what Kaguya would do if I killed you?" He touched the rabbit from behind the ears.

Yes, Jia Chong killed the white rabbit by drinking it's blood and breaking it's neck. He dropped the rabbit to the ground. Zhao was a bit unhinged by this transaction because he never saw him do such to a harmless creature.

Kaguya appeared from a manifestation of light. She picked up her pet and cried, "You bastard! How could you kill Usagi?"

"Usagi was bothering me... What did you do to my waifu and Zhao's family?" He demanded from the moon princess.

"They were taken by the 'Dragon King'." She said honestly. Usagi rejuvenated and started to hop away from Chong and to it's master Kaguya. "You are going to pay for killing Usagi!"

"What could you possibly do to me?" Chong crossed his arms in defiance.

"I'm not going to destroy you. I'm going to make your undead life, hell! You foolish vampire!"

"Hell is my heaven, Little goddess." He said smugly.

Jia Chong took an orange from his pocket and began to peal it.

"I will... Turn you into an orange!"

"A vampire orange? I didn't know you had a sense of humor, Kaguya." He chuckled deeply.

Kaguya turns him into a pale orange. Zhao picks up the Jia Chong orange from the pile of his clothes and begs her to turn him back, "Kaguya, Please turn him back to his former state!"

"Why should I?"

"You owe me, Kaguya."

"Fine, I will have to find another way to annoy Jia Chong." She used her magic and turned Chong back.

Zhao held a now nude Jia Chong in his arms. "Zhao, Let go of me!"

"Uh, Yeah." He dropped him.

Jia Chong tried to get Kaguya to look into his eyes. "You will tell me what you are planning to do? Princess."

"..." She wasn't hypnotized. Kaguya turned her head and left through a summoned portal.

A few hours later. Yuanji was greeted by another unusual young man with yellow eyes and a dumb smile at the front gate. He wore royal attire.

"Hello, Beautiful doll. I'm king Heilong. I have came here to invite your family to where I am keeping your other family." He revealed to the pretty blonde.

"Where are you keeping them?" She sneered.

He put his arm around her waist and they began to walk, his hand went south to her behind, "At my palace."

Yuanji stopped and she slapped him hard on the face. Luo Heilong cried out and held his face with both his hands. "I'm sorry! Wah!"

Zhao came quickly to see what was the commotion, "What happened? Yuanji?"

"He's the one who kidnapped your family, Zhao." She pointed at the serpent king.

"Why did you slap him?"

Jia Chong came after Zhao and chuckles. Hei Long spoke, "Why are you laughing!? She slapped me for no reason!"

"I believe she does have a reason behind slapping you."

"He grabbed my ass, Zhao." Yuanji admitted shyly.

Keeping himself from saying anything stupid, Zhao sighed, "You know... She is married to me."

"To you? A smart woman like her married to an idiot like you?"

"Enough! Heilong said he would bring us to Zhao's family, please do so." Yuanji cut off them and centered on the ponytailed Heilong.

"Yes, My lady." Heilong nodded and guided them respectably through a portal to his realm.


	23. Epic Meat Bun Fight!

The next day. Qi was awakened by Sima Shi. Naotora Li slept beside her peacefully, "The king welcomes us to a banquet, Please come with me, Qi."

"Yes, I will come." She got up and rearranged the clothes given to her.

"The father of your child is Jia Chong?"

"Who else would it be?" She replied coldly.

"King Heilong has forced me to fight in his arena for the sake of your child and yourself... This is all but a game for that brat." Shi exposed fixing her black hair with her comb.

"He threatened to kill me didn't he?"

"Yes,"

"That asshole."

"That he is."

Qi embraced Shi, "Thank you... My lord."

He hugged her the same, "All of this so far of what has happened to you is partially my fault... Don't thank me... I have to do this."

"No, He always had some degree of lust for me... When the opportunity came Chong took it and has been good to me so far. He gave me things I thought I would never have." She laid her head on his shoulder.

"My father told me something you should know... You... Qi, Are my own sister." Shi confessed the truth.

"I should have known... Now I feel..."

"Guilty? or disgusted? Both?"

"I don't know why my father didn't want to tell us."

Qi sighed, "Wake up! Naotora Li! We going to get something to eat!"

[The banquet]

At the banquet table, Qi sat in a position next to the dragon king and Sima Yi on his other side with Zhang Chunhua.

"You should stay and have your baby here. We have amazing doctors and midwifes... I guess the bad thing is that if you have weak contractions... We will have to use a silver knife and cut you open." Heilong said without a lid on his mouth.

"What could you possibly know about the process of giving birth?" She growled. She wasn't really going to give 'birth'. The pixel baby will just come to form looking like it's parents with the assistance of a generic soldier! Who knew a generic was so important in the process of making a child in D.W?

"Hey! Don't get angry! lady! I watched my own mother have my little brother." Wei Hua Long was his twin sister. Lu Dan Long is their baby brother, Who hasn't shown up yet...

"Yes, But you threatened to kill my unborn baby." She almost shattered the glass cup in her hand.

"Mommy getting defensive about her infant! Geez! This baby will be unnatural! Killing it will be better in the long run." Heilong didn't know how to shut his mouth.

"I want you to bring my husband here and if you are lucky he might not kill you, My king." She knew very well what Jia Chong would do to idiots such as Heilong.

"Heh, I can't die! But if you need him... Fine, I will bring him here myself." He agreed to do so.

"Do you have anything for me to eat or drink here?" Implied the woman.

"I don't want a hungry mother starving... You can have any of the servants here if you wish to feast upon their blood." The lowly slaves glanced back at their lord scared. "Feast to your hearts content! My friends for we eat on golden plates."

A plate of godly baozhi is placed on the table. The mouths of Shi and Yi water, "I never seen baozhi that looked too perfect to eat."

Shi cried tears of joy, "Baozhi, I love you even more."

"Now, I will eat them instead of making." Chunhua took two baozhi and placed them on her plate.

Yi grew jealous, "Don't you think two is a bit too much? Chunhua?"

"So... You are saying you won't do your private and intimate duty in the future as my husband because I decided to get fat off of baozhi?" She contested.

"Ugh! Chunhua you are my wife and love! It doesn't matter if someone kicked in your face! I would still have interest in you."

Chunhua smiled, "Oh, Well. I'm taking the second home with me to give to Zhao."

"Chunhua... Eat both. Zhao will get fat and then Yuanji wouldn't be interested in him anymore!"

"Yi, I don't think Yuanji is that shallow. She married our lazy ass of a son, after all." She took a bite from the baozhi.

Shi cried joy as he ate his baozhi, "I was starving and now... This is the most delicious meat bun ever!"

The next evening. Qi felt someone touch her as she slept. She opened her ruby eyes and gazed up at Jia Chong. She motioned to hug him.

"How did you get here?"

"The King himself came to the Jin estate."

"Did you kill him?"

Chong grinned, "It almost got to that point, Good for him, Zhao did most of the talking... He is better than me at diplomacy with a total idiot."

"Fang Qi! Wanna take a bath with me in the hot springs?" Naotora Li came out of the bathroom in a towel, She almost screamed at the sight of Jia Chong, "Qi, There is a scary man in our room!"

Chong smiled at Naotora Li and said nothing.

"This is the man, I was talking about, Naotora." She motioned to Jia Chong.

"Yes, The guy who doesn't appreciate you... I'm so sorry, sir... I should not have said that." Naotora Li grimaced feeling a bit cold.

"So you are making friends? Qi?" He chuckled and moved on.

"Naotora Li is being held here against her will as well, Chong." Qi entered the bathroom to change. He walked in after her.

"Can I join? You both?" He grinned.

Qi turned her head, "If Naotora Li wasn't here... I would have said yes." She stripped down and wrapped a white towel around herself. "You should make sure Zhao isn't going insane listening to the dragon king."

"You have a point there." If there was one being in the universe who outwitted Zhao in the terms of being an imbecile, It was the dragon king.

Jia Chong made it down to the castle's garden. On chairs sat Zhao and on the other king Heilong. They were talking and laughing at times. A few minutes later, Zhao returned to Jia Chong.

"What did you find out from the idiot king?" Chong asked Zhao, leaning against a wooden colum of pavilion.

Zhao sighed and scratched his head, Then he lets it out, "How did that idiot become a king? He said Yuanji was hot! To my face! But he doesn't like to get between married couples."

"Haven't you thought... Maybe his behavior is just a mask? My lord?" Chong suggested to Sima Zhao.

"Why would he do that?"

"It's called being underestimated."

Sima Zhao nodded and took a deep breath, "I should check on my parents."

It was another evening and so Heilong's guests were invited to another banquet. The two vampires followed behind an excited Naotora until Chong stopped and took Qi to the side to speak with her.

"Are you sure you should wear this outfit? I don't want that idiot king getting ideas about you and if he does... I will not be able to protect you."

In the Arabian dancer outfit, Qi crossed her arms and her long black hair fell down her back and over her shoulders, "Protect me? From what his big mouth said he kills off the husband first, in that case I am the one who should protect you, Chong... We shouldn't worry... He doesn't have interest in me... Besides I thought you liked this outfit."

He smiled and chuckles mischievously, "Yes, That time was..."

She took his hand in her own and looked up at him. A sparkle of foul play in her deep red eyes, "I don't think the king will care if we are twenty minutes late."

Usually he was the one to incite such behavior but anyhow, "I only aim to serve."

This wasn't the best time for that but, Meanwhile Luo Heilong sat at the kingly center of the banquet table. He was dismayed by how his food was cooked. He slapped his waiter with a meat bun.

"Why is my meat bun cold? I can't eat a cold meat bun! And there is no use for them!" He ranted slapping the poor servant with the fluffy goodness.

Shi and Zhao looked at each other, and shared the no good Sima smirk, They both shouted in unison, "Epic Meat Bun Fight!"

They took opposite sides and started a meat bun battle. Luo Heilong acted quickly and took cover with Zhao, "What are you up to? Zhao?"

"If the meat buns are no good... They are best used like this!" He laughed throwing a meat bun.

"This actually looks like fun!" Heilong gleamed and threw a Baozhi.

Yuanji was caught in the middle of the cross fire and was plummeted and hit in her face with Baozhi, She fumed, "You two are just like children!... I'm going back to my room!" To cry and sulk no doubt.

Sima Shi caught thrown baozhi in his mouth and ate them. Zhao exchanged, "That's cheating! Brother!"

"And it's gross!" Heilong spat on the baozhi in his hand and threw it. It landed on the blue jade wall behind their competition. "I really wished he ate that one."

Xin Xianying crouched down with Sima Shi, "Your parents wouldn't approve of this..."

"They are late and I don't think they will be here soon..." He replied.

"What do you think they are doing?"

His face straightened, "I don't want to know... Qi isn't here either."

Dodging several buns with her great dexterity. Naotora li took cover with Xianying, "What is going on here!?... Oh, I'm so sorry! That was rude of me!"

"An epic... meat.. bun... fight.." Shi's eye's ventured down to her exposure. He had to shake his head to get out of the trance he found himself in.

Obvious Naotora smiled and recalled, "Naomasa and I would have rice ball fights... It became unpleasant when soy sauce was added." She took the bottle of soy sauce and a meat bun. Naotora added plenty of the sauce and super powered dive bomb kicked the meat bun into the center of the room. Debris and food splattered.

"Great kick! Naotora!" Qi came into the frey beside her. Naotora nodded and smiled.

"Where were you? Qi?" Shi implied.

She giggled, "In the arms of a shadow..."

Shi commented on the raven haired woman's expression, "Why are you smiling?Qi?"

She ruffled up his hair, "I can't be happy?"

"No... That's not what I mean... Never mind."

"Zhao, give me the knifes." Chong demanded with a hand out to receive.

"Where the hell were you!? All this time? Chong?" Zhao enraged.

"Preparing for this event," He took the knifes from Zhao and stabbed it through a meat bun.

"Chong, We are not killing anyone!"

"No one is going to die, Zhao." He melted the knife and bun together with the back burner of Xiahou Ba's weapon.

"This shall do it!" Ba rolled up the metal and bun together into a ball. "Give them the ultimate metal bun!"

Chong added several steel chop sticks into the bun until it resembled a pin cushion.

Heilong used his ice magic to cool it off, "Perfect!"

Jia Chong threw the metal bun over the turned banquet table. Unbeknownst to him, The metal ball hit Qi on the head. She fell onto Naotora Li's right shoulder. Unconscious.

"I thought this wasn't supposed to get violent?" She responded by holding her.

"You will pay for hurting our dearest Qi... With meat buns!" Shi called out.

"You hear that, Chong! Your metal pin cushion found a mark." Zhao remarked to his elder brother's claim.

"It was supposed to hit the new kawaii girl." Chong grimaced to the possible events after this.

"Xianying, Yeah. Let's make another!" Zhao grabbed another knife and meat bun. Beginning the process over again.

With this new metal bun. Zhao threw it and the bun actually hit Xin Xianying! She too fell on the floor unconscious. "That hit home... My mom is going to be pissed after this..."

"What is going on here? Heilong?" It wasn't Chunhua but another woman of similar disposition. A fox woman with fox ears and black hair. She dressed herself in the brightest pink robes and gold jewellery.

"Kang Qiaoyi! I thought you returned home and I ended our marriage! You sadistic bitch!" It all stopped once she walked in.

"Yes, Your loving ex-wife! Is a bitch!... You imbecilic cheating dead beat dad!" She fumed and glared at the dragon king.

"I'm too young to be a father!" He claimed defensively.

"You are over three thousand years old and immortal! Grow up. Here is Peilong." Qiaoyi returned handing over a giggly baby girl with black hair like his own. He looked at the little girl with curling pig tails and remarked, "Awe, She is so cute! Or as some say kawaii!... Unlike her witch of a mother," Heilong turned to Qiaoyi who turned her back and left.

"What happened here? Zhao?" Sima Yi asked his younger son along with his wife.

"It's all Shi's fault! I swear!" He cried pointing at his brother.

"Servants! Clean this up!" Heilong raised his voice over the mortal speech.

"What did you do to Xianying?" His father requested flatly. "And to bosom bimbo?"

Shi broke out of his box, "Father! She is not a bimbo! She is my sister!"

Yi glared down at his son, "She was never supposed to become a play thing for your friend there! And you, Shi was never supposed to touch her! She was just there to aid you in battle."

"Mother and you saw it unfit to tell me the truth!"

Zhang Chunhua gave one of her cutting yet sinister smiles, "She is illegitimate, My son."


	24. Character Profile: Luo Heilong

UNDER PROGRESS

Character Concept: Heilong is actually a lot like me. I love fox yokai! but not the way he does... I like things that are fluffy and yummy. We both like teasing people! Except He has a kid, I don't. He's an asshole and a coward! I'm a coward not an asshole.

On a more serious note, When I thought of Heilong, He is supposed to be an incompetent king who rules through power and his words. He acts in an unacceptable way and says inappropriate things to cover how he truly feels. His true personality will show up later.

Luo Hei long

Mantel: A black dragon

Nicknames: Idiot king, idiot brother, dead beat dad, man child, asshole.

Gender: Male

Age: ?

Birthday: ?

Birth place: ??

Height: 5'9"

Weight: 150IB

Shirt size: He wears robes.

Pants Size: He would make a very stupid joke just to leap frog this question.

Shoe Size: He would do the same thing here as with pants.

Hair Color: black and in a ponytail.

Eye Color: gold

Appearance: Heilong is short but not that short, He is skinny dispite eating fried food and Baozhi everyday. He thinks himself as good looking. You see he is very confident.

Clothing: Wears navy blues, golds, and white. Robes that compliment his confidence and kingly standing!

Personality: Flirty, loud, rude and dumb.

Hobbies: Watching arena fights, and bossing others.

Likes: foxes, games and reading. Eating.

Dislikes: Sima Yi and Shi, cold baozhi, snakes.

Fears: Uncle Susano'o, The undead, Zhang Chunhua.

Weapons: Duel Blade and ice magic, dragon form, and a secret dragon ability... It's a quite obvious if you played 'Elder Scrolls'.

Social Relationship NICKNAMES!:

Wei Hua Long (sister)- Scary sister

Lu Dan Long (brother)- Lucky general

Li Xian Long (sister)- sister no one pays attention to.

Sima Yi- Shit brick wall

Sima Shi- noble man

Sima Zhao- Idiot

Jia Chong- Black make up wearing 'fag'

Xiahou Ba- Strawberry shortcake

Naomasa Li- Shorttens

Yoshitsugu Ōtani- strategic vassel

Mitsunari Ishida- Sassy fox

Xin Xianying- beautiful girl

Naotora Li- jiggly tits

Fang Qi- Impressive Rack

Kang Qiaoyi- Sadistic bitch!

Zhang Chunhua- Helicopter mom

Wang Yuanji- smart chick, broad forehead

Mythic Bio: Luo Heilong is the twin brother of Wei Hua Long. They are opposites and the eldest children of Ao Shun. Heilong took over the north kingdom when his father mysteriously disappeared. With the help of his twin, younger brother and sister and his fox wife Kang Qiaoyi.

Theme songs:

None yet.


	25. The Dragon Slayer

Wei Hua Long chuckled as she gazed at the two undead vampires who walked out of a guest room. A nefarious plan she had formulated in her mind and she was going to act upon it.

"While the humans are out capturing Sakura hime, I will find a way to make the blood sucking couple do my bidding..." She said to herself.

"You could send those soulless creatures to hell to retrieve our next target." Kanbei Kuroda suggested.

A wide grinn formed on her face, "First I will need two distractions..."

She opened a portal to the mortal plan and stood in front of a short warrior in red armor, As he walked down the hall of his castle, "You Naomasa Li are searching for your mother?... I know where she is."

The startled short warrior in red samurai armor replied rudely with flick of the wrist, "You took her?"

"Me? I would never kidnap a dumbass like your adoptive mom! Sexy and cute don't mix and still she doesn't understand that!" Wei Hua Long took this quite personal. "My idiot brother kidnapped her."

"Why did he do that?"

"He claims to kidnap them to make these women his lovers but stops halfway after the abduction. They just end up filling up empty space. I want you to beat my weak dragon king brother to a pulp and take back Naotora Li." The dragon sister outlined.

"You seem like a women that would have something in it for herself other than watching her brother get beat up." Naomasa foretold.

"Oh, I do, But taking Naotora Li back to the mortal plane is just one small part of my larger scheme." Wei Hua Long cooed imaging her brother getting his ass kicked. "Come with me, Naomasa Li... Oh, Yes! I also have a present for you to use against my brother."

Heilong walked silently into his throne room to sit in his chair and brush his fine silky limp locks with a golden brush. Before he sat down he felt a painful kick to his face. A red shoe mark formed on the left side of his handsome facial! First he was slapped on the face and now his face was kicked in.

"UGH! MY FACE! IT FUCKING HURTS!" He raged out in pain.

Ten feet in front of him stood a warrior with a cleaver spear thing! "I am here to take my mother back!"

Heilong stopped crying and looked upon Naomasa Li, His remark quite out of place, "Not everyone can get close enough to me to do what you just did to me... This proves you are no STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE! NO! YOU ARE A RASPBERRY TART! WITH ALL THOSE SEEDS THAT MAKE EATING A TART UNENJOYABLE!"

Xianying bummed in and stood next to Heilong, "Did you just call him a prostitute? King Heilong?"

"Are you insane? Dragon King?" The red devil requested sternly.

"You are either very brave or very stupid to attack a god such as myself!" Heilong ignored Xianying.

"So you are mad." Naomasa sighed.

"Its either that I'm extremely clever or crazy! If you are here to challenge me! You have yourself a fight!" Heilong summoned his sword into his right hand.

"Challenge you? I am only here to save my mother!"Naomasa claimed adamantly.

"Naotora Li? Yes. She is somewhere in the maze that is my palace... Since you bruised my person and came here without permission! That gives me the right to eliminate you."

Naomasa Li branished a new cleaver spear thing, "I have the dragon slayer!"

Heilong's eyes widened with fear, "How did you get that weapon? I locked it down in the palace vault."

"Your sister gave this to me to defeat you if you posed a threat." The mortal revealed with a grin.

"That traitorous bitch! I should have married her off to that bisexual sun god Apollo! By then she wouldn't be plotting against me!" From Heilong's hand formed spikes of ice he proceeded to throw between Naomasa Li and himself.

Naomasa moved to avoid the spikes, "You are not even serious about this battle."

"No, I hate monologue in a fight." Heilong spoke softly and more spikes of ice sprung up from the stone floor beneath his enemy. "If you are not going to help!? Xianying! Get out of here and to safety!"

Naomasa used the ice pillers as a stepping stone and got close enough to Heilong to throw the dragon slayer at him. At the last minute, A warrior in gold and red armor moved in front of Heilong and blocked the dragon slayer with his sheild.

Heilong's yellow eyes opened and gazed up at his warrior brother with a glorious white mane of hair, "Little brother? What are you doing in adult form?"

"Saving you from our sister's schemes." Lu Dan Long replied holding his sword and shield in defense.

"This is a waste of time." Naomasa turned away from the brothers and began to walk down a hall into the left wing to find Naotora Li.

"Where the hell are you going? Mortal!?" Heilong demanded.

Naomasa didn't reply.

"Jiggly tits's room isn't in that hall, Mr. Li!" The king shouted at Naomasa which sent the warrior flying further down the hall and is knocked out when he hits the stone wall.

Lu Dan Long yawned and remarked, "That wasn't a fair fight."

"A clever king never fights fair, lil bro." The dragon king bellowed, "Naomasa Li will be part of the games, Go put him in chains." Heilong ordered his guards. He picked up the dragon slayer and ventures into the bowls of the palace to put it back in the vault.

The day after, A drunken Zhang Chunhua strolled admiring the craftsmanship of the dragon king's castle with a wine bottle in her hand. She heard someone shout a language unknown to herself. The Zhang wife felt a zypher touch her skin. Before an even stronger wind could hit her, she moved slightly right behind a serpent pillar.

Hei Long walked over to her with his arms crossed, "Sorry, Lady Zhang. My brother Lu Dan didn't mean to scare you."

"What are you doing with him? Some type of magic?" She teased him.

"Yes, It's a dragon magic. The 'Way Of The Voice'. My brother is just starting to learn it." Heilong exposed fixing his messy post wind blown black hair.

"He almost injured my 'mortal' body. However, He is catching on quickly, My King." Chunhua looked over to the white haired little boy with a wooden dao. He gave her a wide and friendly smile full of energy. She returned with a more gentle expression.

She felt two strong hands clutch her shoulders, And Heilong offered, "If you are hurt. I will take you to my court doctor."

"I am feeling a bit dizzy from drinking to much serpent wine during luncheon." She confessed. Even if she was very drunk, Chunhua was able to talk straight and walk in a straight line. She was building a tolerance.

Serpentine wine was stronger than her regular poison. That was another problem here.

"You need to go back to bed and get some sleep for the rest of the day." He picked her up bridal style and took her back to her room. His little brother continued to practice his dragon magic.

Heilong laid her down on her bed and tempted to leave the room, until drunken Chunhua grabbed his long blue silk sleeve and pulled him down and under her. She chuckled softly. The thing he feared most was being raped by a terrifying woman like Chunhua.

He screamed out for help, "HELP! RAPE! SIMA YI! YOUR WIFE IS TRYING TO RAPE ME!"

She puts her right hand over his mouth to mute the young king, Chunhua whispered, Fondling him affectionately. "Just be quiet and do as I say."

"I'm not your husband! Chunhua... I can't have intercourse with you." Heilong whimpered, He still couldn't get out from under her weight. Somewhere in his dark conscious he didn't want to either.

"For the next few hours you are, Dragon God." She gave him her infamous creepy smile. "Submit to my will."

"What will I be allowed to do if I do submit to your will?" He was really stuck in a web here.

"Anything that I want you to do." She caressed him.

At that moment, Sima Shi walked in on the scene. "Mother! What are you doing? Get off of Heilong!"

She threw her shoe at her elder son, "Get out! Son!"

"Father will hurt you mother if he saw you doing this?" Shi warned her.

"Oh, So you don't care if your mother cheats on your father?" She responded smiling.

"Father cheats on you all the time."

"That he does..." She nodded playing with the rims of Heilong's robe.

"Could you have picked someone better than Heilong? We have several generals back in Jin?" Shi suggested.

"You see when it comes to a situation such as this... Your father will learn what he must do for me once..."

"He believes that this king has a thing for my mother? Didn't Heilong say he feared you? Mom?" Shi questioned.

"Shi, dear haven't you noticed that your beloved mother has an excellent reputation for dominating men in her life that fear her while proclaiming romantic attachments onto them."

"Yes, mother I know that but this goes beyond your reputation. You have committed adultery, mother!" Shi cried.

"As the great sexist philosopher Kung Fuzhi said a woman is not of virtue."

"That's not what he said!"

"It's the gist of it, Shi. Your father has committed adultery as well. That's why he has so many illegitimate bastard children. Fang Qi for example." Chunhua sighed.

"So you have to stoop as low as father and his behavior?"

"Oh, no... Shi. This is no such thing as stooping low as your father. It's that I'm going to have fun too." Chunhua exclaimed.

"Will you commit adultery with me? Heilong?" She asked the dragon god below her.

"What will I get out of this? Other than being used by a angry wife?" Heilong used telekinesis to move Chunhua onto the purple couch near the large window of her room.

"I thought an asshole like you would accept this." She growled.

"I have experienced this before." He nodded off and walked out of the woman's room.

"You are drunk, Mother."

"That is Hei Long's true face, Jia Chong was right after all." Chunhua keened from the sofa.

Shi nodded, "I see now, What you were doing mother... My mom is truly smarter than my father."

"Now you figure it out, Son. Mother is always right." Chunhua took her wine bottle from the night stand and began to drink. Shi took it from her right after.

"Stop drinking yourself to oblivion! Mother!"


	26. Interview With The Servant

Question 1: Why did you write this?

C.F: I was bored. Came up with some funny meat bun jokes and it took off from there. Made Qi a really obnoxious joke about the reoccurring themes of the female characters.

Question 2: Why do you hate Jiang Wei so much?

CF: Back in the games before the 7th game, Jiang Wei was one of my favorite characters. Now he's really annoying. Arrgh!

Question 3: Why is Jia Chong your favorite character?

C.F: I have plenty of favorite characters. In 3-5 Sun Shang Xiang and Sima Yi were my favs. Sima Yi for the 6. Sima Yi in Strike Force! Sima Shi and Zhao in 7. Jia Chong and Zhang Chunhua for 8 and 9.

Question 4: Why did you put your oc with Chong and Shi?

LC: How this pairing has evolved must have pissed off some readers who like Shi. Yes, I wanted to do that. Shi needs a woman who can take him out and put him in his place, Qi isn't that girl. With the other side of this pairing it's a little different.

Question 5: Why can't you write more lemon or romance?

L.F: I find it extremely hard writing anything close to that. I see characters as two separate individuals, Making them get it on without having them go through something's together is almost like literary raping characters.

Question 6: Why did you make Qi a illegitimate child of Sima Yi?

LC: I needed to give her a backstory. Why is she with the Sima? She is half Sima. Make Shi really grossed out, too. Hehheh!

Question 7: Have you played 9? Yet?

LC: I was kinda disappointed about what they did with the weapons and clothing. Also they could have added better characters than what they installed such as Lady Bian or He Jin. Some other characters. No, I haven't, yet.

Question 8: Do you plan on writing anything else after to this?

LF: Yes, I was thinking about writing something more serious about Fang Qi. I'm also writing a 'Samurai Warriors' supernatural humor story related to this at the moment. I am almost done with this anyway.

Question 9: A Qi story?

In this story, I was thinking of having her k.o-ed but then I was having a little mercy for this Custom character. Yes, A Qi story that doesn't have crazy things like vampires and dragon kings.

Question 10: Anything else you want to say?

LC: Remember my dear readers! I like to write stories to piss you off! So with my insane and diabolical mind I begin to write a Jia Chong fanfiction which wasn't meant be one. Where he gets raped by a vampire woman, rapes another woman who looks similar to that vampire bitch, deals with her drama, they get sent to hell on an errand and back up again. They get a human baby, then by the power of the flesh fruit they choose to become human again. Life will never be the same but murder, bloody hands and shadow will be.

(No, This story is like a verity of things.)


	27. Captivated Blossoms Part 1

In the palace gardens, Luo Hei Long laid down lazily on a divan couch. His ladies and subordinates beside him. He addressed the warriors who waited for his spoken address, "Today, You warriors shall capture the notorious princess Sakura, Alive. I will give you the mystic binding shackles to put around her wrists."

A small giggle came from Zhang Chunhua, She flirted with her husband, "oh, Shackles are fun, Are they not?dear?"

Sima Yi gave his wife that 'later' expression and grinned.

"These shackles are not for masochistic foul play. If used in so called play they have the possibility of killing your chained partner. By separating their soul from their bodies." Luo Hei Long foretold displaying the chains from a box his white haired brother held out.

"Yes, So chaining up a creature without a soul would have no effect." Sima Yi summed up. "For example: A vampire."

"Mystic binding shackles are used to bind a mystic's soul to this plane and suppress their divine powers. If used on the living, The chains shall drain their magic powers causing the incineration of their soul, ending in death or possibly undeath." Yoshitsugu Ōtani explained in depth, taking the shackles from Luo Hei Long who offered them to him.

Hei Long glared at him and questioned, "You are suppose to hold these for the time being... But how do you know that?"

"I read 'Mystic Binding: How to hold a mystic prisoner' written by your father Ao Shun." The ghost replied truthfully.

"Yes, My father was a scholary type until he found it right to abandon his offspring and disappear completely." Luo Hei Long remarked, A resounding grudge against his father.

Sometimes Luo Hei Long forgot that Yoshitsugu Ōtani even existed or was standing right next to him. He did not speak or move, He was just there. Waiting on the currents.

Hei Long next showed the mortals, a map of his whole land. He pointed to wooded area on the map, "This is where Sakura Hime is."

Sima Yi took the map, "My thanks your highness, We will be on our way. Come everyone... Except you Zhao! Go talk to him." He stopped his younger son in his tracks.

"Hei Long said I could come with." Zhao pouted.

"Your father says no."

"I only wanted to explore these lands." Sima Zhao sighed and sat down on Luo Hei Long's couch.

Luo Hei, Lu Dan and Sima Zhao watched as the party of warriors left, Luo Hei devilishly smirked and proposed, "Let's get some meat buns, While they are doing all the hard work."

His brother and Sima Zhao could only agree.

The party of Sima Yi, Sima Shi, Zhang Chunhua, Xiahou Ba, Xin Xianying, for some reason Wang Yuanji and Yoshitsugu Ōtani continued their journey in land.

Sima Yi walked beside Ōtani and requested, "How could a spirit such as yourself, hold those without being consumed?"

"This form is just a physical projection. My soul is tied to my hat which is safe within my office." Yoshitsugu elaborated looking forward.

"Your hat?" Sima Yi was reminded of the time where he was dead and a ghost. A time that he hoped to put behind him for good.

"Yes,"

"You must have other plans for your afterlife other remaining a strategic vassel to a necrophiliac mystic woman?"

"Yes, I hoped to return to the living world, First I must be resurrected." Yoshitsugu hated the process he had to go through in order for that to happen.

"I was resurrected once by my son who hired a mystic witch to do the job." Sima Yi liked being alive more so than dead, He suspected the opposite from the white ghost herewith. This made Sima Yi question something he should have asked his first child earlier, "Shi, What did the witch want as payment?"

Shi turned to his father and spoke defensively, "What she wanted is none of your business, father."

"Shi! I understand that you are an adult now... But this is my life here! I hope you didn't sacrifice something big to bring me back."

"I paid her 1,000 gold and she accepted." Shi crossed his arms. He knew exactly what his father was going to say.

"My body, life and soul is worth a 1,000 gold!?" Sima Yi was littered with disbelief.

"What would you want me to have paid her?"

"The life of the most intelligent man in all the land is priceless!" His father grunted.

"In other words, invaluable." Shi countered.

"Shi, don't bash your father's shallow pride." Chunhua advocated grasping an unnoticeable fruit from a unspecified tree.She thought she heard a small cry. She bit in to it.The fruit started to bleed red blood.

"Shi, your this close." Sima Yi threatened.

"Um... Ōtani sir... why it is this fruit bleeding?" Chunhua questioned.

"Yes, I forgot to tell you all that this is the 'Forest of the Flesh'. That fruit in your hand is someone's child."

"Ew..." Chunhua dropped the bloody fruit on the forest floor.

"The fruit can cure all diseases, Including supernatural diseases such as vampirism and lycanthropy, If eaten completely." The pale ghost explained further.

With that, Sima Shi took two fruits from a tree and places them into his inventory, Discreetly.

"Why did you take those my Lord?" Wang Yuanji stepped in next to Shi.

"I didn't know you were here... Yuanji..." She was soo damn quiet.

"Do you think I wanted to spend all day with Zhao and his new friend?" She responded flatly.

"No... I will give these fruit to Chong and Qi." He foretold sincerely.

" I see." She smiled contentedly. "Do you think they will accept the cure?"

"I know later we will regret not offering these to them... Besides, They are going to be parents." He exposed to Yuanji.

"Oh, If they do accept and return to being human again, What do you think their baby is going to be like?" She countered by logical insight.

"It could be human, vampire, Or dead, As my sister fears it may be."

"So it's a gamble..." 'I'm going to be an auntie to a creepy baby!' Yuanji cheered inside her head.

By this time they traveled to a Cliff pass where many flying creatures dwelt. Sima Yi heard his wife scream. Over head he saw her being whisked away by a wild dragon in it's talons.

"Yi! Help me! Save your wife!" She shrieked.

"Bye Chunhua, I have a tracker on you so when it takes you back to it's treasure hoard, We can kill it there and become extremely rich." Yi used his magic to communicate with Chunhua telepathically.

"You selfish bastard! What if it eats me or makes me it's slave?"

"Deal with it for the time being."

Past the cliffs was the cherry blossom grove far in the distance. "We are almost there."

"Let's formulate a strategy," Xianying said to Sima Yi. He agreed with her.

Meanwhile...

Zhang Chunhua got a great view of the lands below her in the claws of this Dragon. The red dragon brought her to a dark cave where it placed her on the dirt ground. Behind her was a hoard of gold and treasure trove.

"Lady, You smell like serpentine wine... When you go back to that brat's palace, get me some and I will pay you in gold and gems." Said the crimson dragon with drawl of a man who is a drunkard.

"Who are you? If I may ask?"

"The brat's drunk uncle Lao Xiang Long."

Chunhua grinned, "He has an uncle, too. But why are you out here?"

"He exiled me for drunken offenses and he doesn't like bandit royalty, You see. My nephew Luo Hei Long don't drink."

"So all this loot is stolen? From your nephew, What is so special about serpentine wine? Xiang Long?" Chunhua picked up a diamond from the trove and gaze at it's sparkle.

"Traditionally it was used during dragon mating season to get our kind going, so to speak. It has a special ingredient in it for that purpose alone. What happened when you drank it?"

"I almost raped your nephew,"

With that Chunhua was free to go. She was surprised by this confrontation and traveled back to the dragon kingdom. To do exactly as he asked her to.

Luo Hei Long came out from the shadows when she entered the banquet hall, "You have returned early, Lady Zhang Chunhua." He gave her a serpent grin.

She jumped, "You almost gave me a heart attack, Your highness."

"I am sorry." He said sympathetically.

"I am saying you almost frightened me."

Hei Long chuckled conceitedly, "I am the obsidian black dragon of the north,"

Chunhua requested, "Can I see your dragon form?"

"My palace wasn't built for my dragon form, I find it rather straining on my magic powers, in this form it takes only a little."

She covered her mouth with her hand, "A dragon who hates being one, That is unheard of."

Hei Long reassured her, "I don't hate being one, I was born this way. It's the only thing I know. It's great being one of the most powerful creatures in the universe."

"Power is important to dragons?"

He nodded, "As it is to man. What I am mean is that some things are better in different physical shapes than others."

She giggled mischievously, "Like intercourse."

"Yes, Carnal pleasures." He kept the same grin. "Is there something you need help with?"

"I am looking for the serpent wine," She smiled irresistibly.

"I should have told you about the wine-"

Chunhua cut him off, "Yes, It makes dragons hormonal."

Hei Long complied favorably, "And other life forms, As from experience... There may be some in the kitchen, Ask one of the maids."

Chunhua bowed, "Thank you, Your highness."

In the end, Chunhua was surprised by Luo Hei Long's ability to put the past events between them, Behind him.


	28. Pt2, A Royal Kick In The Balls

On his sky borne balcony. Heilong ate his dinner alone. On days which he preferred silence, He would do this. He liked to eat rice, with some veggies and meat. Lastly a baozhi and some tea.

A light shone in his eyes and so he closed them, "Is that you Kaguya? You are going to blind me."

"Sorry, Luo Hei Long." She bowed to him.

Hei Long left from his seat and stood next to Kaguya, He offered her most generously, "Are you hungry? Kaguya? I will get my chefs to cook whatever you please."

She began to cry and buried her face into Luo Hei Long's silky gray robe, embracing him, "What is wrong? Kaguya? Why are you crying?"

She didn't reply and kept on crying.

Hei Long clutched his fists,"Is this about Tai Gong Wang? If he hurt your feelings, I WILL BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF THAT SMART MOUTH NARCISSISTIC BASTARD! NO ONE HURTS SWEET KAGUYA'S FEELINGS."

She stopped and looked up to Hei Long, with her baggy eyes, "You would do that for me?"

"You are the only goddess I like that has no resemblance to kitsune. I will defend your honor with an iron fist if I have to!" He remarked most bluntly. Kaguya liked Luo Hei Long's straight forwardness that many mystics didn't have. The one other who possessed this trait was Susano'o who was straight forward in everything he does. Either that be battle, wielding his great imperial treasure kusanagi, speech or taking a big dump.

"Thank you, Luo Hei Long." She gave him a kiss on the cheek. He instead gave her an actual kiss.

She broke away and gasps, "I thought you were married?"

"Divorced for the last year." He comes in for another kiss.

"They let you do that?"

Luo Hei smirked with dirty intent, "It was either that or killing her. I didn't want to murder my ex-wife, so we broke all ties." He pulled on Kaguya's pink robe. She shooed his hands away.

"My king!"

He took her hand and kissed it lovingly, "Come with me up to my private chambers, I want to make you feel like the goddess you are."

Kaguya's cheeks reddened embarrassment,"MY KING! I came here to ask you how the mortals are fairing?" She tried to change the subject. "Maybe they can help you find your father..."

"They are on an important task for me at the moment." He hugged her close and affectionately. "I am not so busy at the moment."

"I'm sorry, I can't join you in your private chambers." She refused an emperor, she would refuse a dragon god.

"I thought you hated the prospect of marriage, So I thought maybe you would find this more comfortable." He gave her a smooch on her lips. "For I to love you as you are."

The moon goddess broke away from the dragon King's amorous embrace, "I'm not going to be your play thing!" She kicked him in his phallus. Luo Hei Long gasped for air and fell to his knees, "I was telling you the truth..." He cried out in terrible pain, held his genitals and was shortly overcame with dizziness and passed out.

"I over reacted! I'm soo sorry! My king! Wake up!" She slapped him on the face.

His brother Lu Dan walked in and picked up Luo Hei Long's body, "Never kick a male deity in the balls, Princess."

"Where are you bringing him?"

"To his private chambers and to call his doctor." Lu Dan strolled downstairs. Kaguya decided to follow Luo Hei's much taller sibling. Luo Hei's chambers were luxurious. Statues, jewels, and expensive clothing. Gold and adamentine walls. His bed was covered by drapes and a canopy for privacy. Kaguya sat down at the end of his bed. His doctor entered his room. She touched his face and sighed, "There is nothing wrong with King Luo Hei, Though his genitals are bruised... He tends to act like this when faced with incredible pain. Here this ice pack should help." His doctor put the package on his groin area.

A few hours later. After much pain of walking around with hurting junk. Luo Hei sat down at his throne with an ice pack between his legs. A pained face. Kaguya joined and sat next to him.

"I'm sorry, Luo Hei!"

"You have been telling me that for the last two hours!" He shot back holding the packet in place, "I probably won't be able to father anymore hatchlings because of you!"

"How many children do you have?" This was an important question.

Luo Hei didn't know, "Steward Bao Shuang? How many children have I fathered?"

His dragon kin Steward answered, "You have a daughter by your ex-wife... Also a son was born from consort Suyin, yesterday."

"My Suyin had a son? Yesterday? Why didn't anyone tell me?" Luo Hei smiled brightly at the fact. Suyin was the beautiful daughter of Shuang himself. The woman was cruel and heated. It only made the imbecile king pursue her even more.

"She didn't want you to know that she had your son in the first place, She regrets ever sleeping with you." His Steward bluntly returned to his highness.

"Guards and Shuang! Please go retrieve my son from his crazy mother!" The king demanded of his subjects.

After they left. The local prophet entered into the throne room in a hurry. Gasping for breath, "WAIT! PRINCESS KAGUYA! You mustn't join King Luo Hei Long in his private chambers! Or the both of you will create the end of the mystic world! This is prophecy!"

"It seems the mystic realm was already saved without warning due to Kaguya's foot! Get out of here! You insane quack!" Luo Hei aimed for his guards to remove the prophet. "Who creates these bullshit prophecies anyway? Not that bum, That's for sure."

"I do..." Entered the smart mouth narcissistic bastard himself.

"TAI GONG WANG! Get the fuck out of my palace! Legendary mortal! I don't have the time for your bullcrap!" The raven haired Luo Hei pointed at white haired bastard. "Your prophecies are full of shit! Deciever!"

"You can cut the crap, Luo Hei Long. I came here to take Kaguya back." Tai Gong Wang motioned to the goddess sitting next to him.

"She came here willingly in the first place, To get away from your foul mouth!" Luo Hei Long implored glaring daggers at Tai Gong Wang. "If you don't leave... I will make you leave."

A vain chuckle came out from Tai Gong Wang, His purple eyes stared straight into the Long's gold eyes, "Why do you hate me soo much?"

"Because you used to bully me back in mystic school! Said I wouldn't amount to anything! I was dumb. Now I'm a ruler and you are just a traitor strategist!" King Hei Long threw his wooden cup at Tai Gong Wang's face.

"You prefer the Qin?" The empty cup hit him square on the forehead.

"It's not that... Traitors can't be trusted... That is why I refused to higher you all those years ago." It was forever branded on the mystic's resumé. "Why do you really want Kaguya back anyway?"

"The prophecy isn't fake. The Oracle of Apollo revealed it just yesterday." Tai Gong Wang rolled his eyes at Luo Hei Long's idiotic behavior.

'I should've knew Apollo had some amount of involvement in this, That harp playing asshole.' Luo Hei thought to himself resting his head back.

In the next moment another ray of sun light shines in Luo Hei Long's throne room. A very handsome god of blonde curly hair, wearing white robes stood. A sword at his side.

"Apollo! Get out of my realm before your blinding light overwhelms the natural bleakness of my region!"

"Your region ?" Apollo's eyes ventured down to Luo Hei Long's bruised region. "Maybe if your region had a little sun light, You would be more virile."

"Always staring at my junk! You pervert!" The obsidian dragon gloated to Apollo.

"I mean that you would have more children." The blonde god started to play his harp.

"My hatchlings are born in darkness! Fool!" He fumed at the god of shepherds. "We thrive in darkness."

"Oh, It seems I came here a little too late." Apollo pouted dramatically. "Good everything worked out okay for Kaguya."

"Here is your son, My king." Shuang gave him a small obsidian black dragon baby with glowing red eyes and a very intricate scale design and wings.

Luo Hei held his son and gleamed, "He looks so much like his daddy!... Hey! no biting your daddy's finger!" His son tried to snap at his father. The dragon baby tried to bite at his jet black hair. "Do you want me to put you in a cage? No, I have a better idea," He changed his son's form into a humanoid form with dragon horns. He still resembled his father. Now the baby cried out. His mother came into the frey and demanded that Luo Hei to give back her son. "Give me back my son! King Hei Long!"

"He is my son! Too! Our love child!" He cradled Luo Hei jr.

"You don't know how to take care of a baby! That's why you gave your daughter over to a nanny." Sueyin took back her son without much effort and began to walk back to her chambers.

"And I was thinking of making you my official wife, Sueyin. You know and do things that I cannot ever. I admire you." His flattery got no where with her.

"I will respect that you don't visit my chambers later this week." She said before rushing off.

"I don't understand why my daughter dislikes you so much, Your highness." Bao Shuang whimpered to Luo Hei.

"No, She loves me." He claimed otherwise.

Shortly thereafter, Sima Yi and his family walked in with Sakura-hime in the mystic shackles.

The goddess In a pink blossom kimono roared at Luo Hei Long, "You bastard! Why can't you just leave me alone! Your mortals here burnt my home."

Luo Hei Long smiled at Sakura-hime and sat in a more comfortable position, "My beloved Sakura-hime! How I have missed you."

Sakura-hime teared up, "I don't know why you love me soo much? When you have my sister Kaguya here! She is so much more suitable for you than I."

"That isn't true. Your sister is beautiful but she isn't you." He frowned sadly.

"Sakura-hime..."

"Luo Hei..."

Bolts of lightning strikes Luo Hei Long. He absorbs the shock because electricity is his breath element. "Sima Yi! Why did you do that?"

"IMBECILE! You send us on a mission to retrieve the girl you want to fuck! This is a waste of time." He belted out at the dragon god.

Chunhua grunted and whispered in Sima Yi's ear, "That drunk dragon did give us a hell lot of gold and gems."

"Muahahahahah! My apologies, Your highness. My old age must be getting to me." Sima Yi bowed.

Ōtani Yoshitsugu sat down on the other side of Luo Hei Long. He requested, "Did you arrest Lady Wei Hua Long? Yet?"

Luo Hei Long chuckled, "Soon, Strategic vassel, Soon and now."


	29. Bad Divine Influences

A/N: This is a more of a Sima Shi and Zhao chapter. Warning extensive alcohol use,drug use and sexual content. In this chapter Luo Hei Long is like those millennials who want to do nothing but get high on cannabis and screw around.

'Bad Divine Influences' Chapter summary: Luo Hei Long invites Shi and Zhao to a debaucherous party. Where Shi gets violated by his fangirls(masking themselves as concubines) and Zhao gets high on green stuff.

Luo Hei and Zhao had one thing in common. They're lazy. They spent most of their days being fed fruit by Luo Hei's harem. The harem wore exotic and eye-catching clothing. But you can't really call clothing pieces of cloth.

The harem danced and entertained the two louts while everyone was out and about doing stuff that was productive.

"Ummm... King Luo Hei aren't we supposed to do something?" Zhao inquired relaxed on pillows while a heavy chested mystic woman fanned him. He really needed the breeze, too.

"Hmm? No, I have lowly peons doing stuff for me."Luo Hei explained, laying his head on a female's cushioned lap.

"Great! I was worried that I might actually have to do some legwork!" Zhao grinned brightly, relieved.

"Hua Xi, pour master Zhao another goblet of wine. While at it; drop something." Luo Hei leered. Hua Xi obeyed without question.

Zhao was quite enamored by Luo Hei. Luo Hei dictated to his subordinates and they had no other choices but comply. Luo Hei didn't even have to do anything! 'This must be the right way to live not doing anything while doing what I want at the same time.' Zhao thought. Zhao gulped down the wine.

"You can have as much wine You want until you fall asleep." Luo Hei Long gave him a whole bottle. Luo Hei proceeded to grab a harem girl by the waist and forcing her down into his lap where he groped and kissed her.

"Yeah, I was getting tired." Soon after that Zhao passed out.

On the other side of Luo Hei was Sima Shi who was staring nervously at the harem girls wearing almost nothing. His eyes were glued to the heavy chested one.

Luo Hei seemed to notice, "You can touch them but never have intercourse with them."

Shi shook his head, "No, I will not touch them... Why did I come here?"

"Such the gentleman, You came here to party with me."

Luo Hei commented proceeding to order more wine.

Sima Shi would have rejected the invitation to party with Luo Hei but he was distracted by the voluptuous maidens.

Sima Shi wasn't much of drinker. After, drinking down the wine he felt quite tipsy. But the wine just kept coming. He wasn't his mother's son. Zhao on the other hand could down few drinks.

"Ugh, I must be inebriated." Sima Shi groaned as he fell on what he thought was pillows, soft and warm pillows. He heard a few gasps and giggles. Murmuring voices above him. Dainty hands caress his chest and shoulders. "He's so strong." Complimented a feminine voice, "He's very handsome, too." Complimented another, as a hand brushed a side his bangs. Hands searching for bare skin, began to take off his tunic. Shi was dazed he tried to push away the invading hands but a pair hand wrapped around his wrists... "Ugh, Meat buns!" Shi cried out in terror.

Giggles prevailed.

Luo Hei stood. "Ladies, take excellent care of him but remember behave." He advised closing the curtain behind Shi and some of his concubines. Luo Hei likes to share.

"Yes, King Luo Hei Long." The ladies of pleasure spoke in unison. (AKA: All Sima Shi fan girls in the world!)

Luo Hei blew out a few lanterns before he presumed his place laying his head on a woman's lap. He watched a few dance as others played instruments.

Zhao began to stir.

"Ermm, I had the weirdest dream."

"What? Did your mother--"

"It had nothing to due with my mother. Though she was in my dream." Zhao explained as if it was bothersome. "Dreaming is so tedious."

"I have some thing that's way better than dreaming."

"Anything's better."

"This was a gift from the god of herbal medicine and farmers, Shennong." Luo Hei took out of his robes a translucent glass box of green stuff. (I was thinking that the drugs should be opium but I don't know what opium looks like in its raw form)

"Green stuff?"

"Shennong said 'what is green and comes from the Earth is always good for you'

But that's what he said." Luo Hei put the substance in a tobacco pipe and lit it up. He gave it to Zhao. "Here, Have a whiff."

Who would have thought it was a good idea to get Sima Zhao high? No one really. Except Luo Hei Long. The more shit Zhao smoked the higher he got. He began to laugh and smile like a idiot. To the point where he was no longer aware mentally.

Luo Hei Long requested by his head rest concubine to be pleasured sexually but after a while he cried out spontaneously in pain, "Ahh! It still fuckin hurts." He pushed his concubine away. "Anyways, Allow me to do the pleasuring, My dear." With that he went down on his head rest concubine for filling her needs.

Zhao heard constant lewd sounds. "What the fucking HELL?! You better not be doing what I think you're doing. While I'm here!" Zhao exclaimed in his high stupor.

"It must be the green mush."

Zhao sighed rubbing the back of his head.

After that the musicians played loudly drowning out the moans and other obscenities.

"Hehehe, I see purple and pink music waves bouncing off of everything." Laughed Zhao losing his balance, he fell on one the female musicians. Just then a glowing light shone into the room.

"Hehehe, bright light." Zhao giggled.

"ZHAO!" There was no mistaking it that was Wang Yuanji voice. She sounded really pissed. Full of emotion, how unlike her.

"Yuanji... Come snuggle."

"Still having orgies, Luo Hei? And you didn't invite me." The glowing god Apollo pouted.

"Of course, not! You glow stick, FUCK!" Luo Hei enraged, stood up not bother to adjust his clothing.

"Glow stick? Hahaha! You should have just told me you were interested." Apollo gazed at Luo Hei.

"Heavens, NO! That's not what I... This is why I hate talking to you, homosexual FUCK!" Luo Hei adjusted his robes.

"I'm a bisexual... Fuck." Apollo corrected, grinning.

"I'm telling your parents! You have a lot explaining to do, Zhao!"

"No! Please, Yuanji." Zhao begged at her tiny feet.

Hearing, the commotion Shi wrested the concubines off of him, tearing away the curtain. He was completely nude. "Hmm, come back."

"Please don't tell our parents, Yuanji!" Shi bellowed, pleading.

"Oh, gods! Shi, put on something!" Wang Yuanji cried, prying her eyes away.

Zhao gave Shi a pillow to cover his lower abdomen.

"I apologize." Shi said ashamed and blushing.

"Hey, I didn't say you could have intercourse my concubines!" Luo Hei thundered, glaring at Shi.

"They (fangirls) violated me!" Shi countered, trying to keep his temper and pillow in place. He didn't want to be on a dragon god's bad side.

"In that case, I forgive you. Good, They were virgins cuz they are now yours, Sima Shi." Luo Hei smiled contented with himself. For some reason.

"It looked like you enjoyed it, though." The sun god commented, eyeing Shi.

Shi clutched the pillow, blushing even more.

"I almost forgot, what the in the seven hells are you doing here?! I didn't invite you to my realm or to my private chambers." Luo Hei directed toward Apollo.

"This well endowed young woman asked me help her find her husband. Your brother, Lu Dan invited me; we just followed the music and... found ourselves here." Apollo point at Zhao.

"Zhao was missing for three days. I became... worried. I searched for Zhao night and day. It was getting dark and I couldn't find Zhao. So I asked this, sun god Apollo. To help me find him." Yuanji confirmed. She wanted to kick Zhao but she had self control. Luo Hei listened to Yuanji but not everything added up. Apollo wouldn't help anyone if it wasn't to any benefit him. Luo Hei decided not to say anything. It was their marriage at stake, not his.

Later after a long day of partying, Luo Hei held a tea party in honor of his mortal guests, Shi and Zhao. Wang Yuanji left briefly. When she arrived back to Lou Hei's chambers the Sima parents followed closely behind.

"Yuanji, We begged you not to-"

"Shi! Zhao!"

"I didn't do anything!"

"You had intercourse with another man's- a dragon God's concubines! You're repeating the same mistakes I made!"Sima Yi bellowed.

"Son, you smell like..." Zhang Chunhua directed toward Zhao, she coughed.

"I'm giving Shi the concubines he violated." Luo Hei commented sipping tea.

"More mouths to feed I could always have them..." Sima Yi sighed, with a devilish grin.

"You need to take a bath, Zhao." Chunhua advocated Zhao.

"I am closer to disowning YOU than Zhao!" Yi threatened.

"What?! I thought I was your favorite son...Why, father?"

Shi was close to tears. Being a daddy's boy this was one of his worst fears.

From his robes Sima Yi took out scroll with a drawn scale with two weights with two names: Shi and Zhao. Shi being the heavier and Zhao being slightly lighter.

"How did that happen?" Shi sobbed.

"When you said that the most intelligent man's life was invaluable!" Sima Yi thundered.

"Gah, please forgive me, father! " Shi begged at his father's feet. "Discipline me! Beat me! But don't disown me!"

Meanwhile, Chunhua and Zhao watched Yi and Shi dramatics.

"Come on, Zhao. Yuanji you too. I'll wash your hair, Zhao."

"My lady, this quite inappropriate."

"Hmm?"

Zhao felt hungover and embarrassed.


	30. Harbringers Of Death

Author: This is a little Zhonghui/Gracia pairing. I don't know how this came up in my brain but it happened. It took me forever to finish this chapter...

"Forevermore, My love." He heard her voice in his head. Felt her lifeless embrace.

He opened his red eyes. His dark hair was being combed by the lemon haired Momoko who hummed a light hearted tune. Mitsuhide had this dream several times and it haunted him. He saw nothing but the flames. A smell of brimstone. The sound of screaming. He hated it all, but could he stop it? Something that wasn't in his power to stop? A series of events he started?

It all ended with a line of death. With this curse, He pictured Nobunaga laughing at him. That flat laugh full of sarcasm. Oh, He was such a fool. He set everything in motion unknowingly for Nobunaga to decend into Jigoku.

He turned his head to the night sky. There was a full moon. Illuminating radiance against the water of the koi pond. Resounding silence.

"Gracia has disappeared, Lord Mitsuhide." Informed a generic soldier.

"Have you checked everywhere possible in the castle?"

"Yes, My lord."

"Gracia..." He murmured. He could not keep her safe from the world yet she was so eager to see it all.

"Shall we give search?"

"Inform my wife that I request her presence." He ordered the generic who quickly left.

Five minutes later, Hiroko walked in. She appeared as an older and mature version of her precious daughter Gracia. Her glossy magenta hair in an updo with a red flower. She dressed in fashionable robes of purple and white lace.

She bowed, "Yes, My dear?"

"Our daughter is missing."

Hiroko sighed, "Do you think she would stay with us forever? Let her take flight."

"I fear for her safety... There are humans who hunt us now." Thanks to current up roar of supernatural activity. What was obscene was the new offense to the sane conscious.

Hiroko simply nodded.

"Kaguya, Please help us." Momoko prayed to the moon princess.

Koshōshō walked pass the shoji door, "You two seem worried? What happened?"

"Gracia is missing... Do you know anything about her disappearance?"

"I may have left the front door open." The sassy pink haired woman tilted her afro-ed head and crossed her arms.

"Why?"

"No matter how hard you try to lock up a woman she will eventually break out and never return." She spoke to the married couple.

Gracia's mother and father looked at each other and sighed. "We still have to find her by a search unit or ourselves."

Some chapters back, Zhong Hui stood reluctantlydusting Gracia's room with a feather duster. He was forced by her to wear a lolita maid outfit whenever he cleaned up her room. This monstrous attire was an insult to his pride as the chosen one. She would watch him intently every time with those blood shot eyes of her's and she had a wide smile on her adorable face! It sent chills down his spine! It was as if she wanted to eat him or make him her submissive slave to her dark desires... Whatever they may be.

"If you don't mind me asking... Why must I wear this?"

"Before I ran away from home, Koshōshō taught me how to make a man do my bidding... That was to tarnish his pride." She giggled with a hand over her mouth.

This was exactly what was happening to Hui, "I would clean your room without wearing this."

"I think it looks cute on you! Goes well with your complexion!" She caressed his red hair with her right hand.

"What idiot would run away from home?" He soured pushing her hand away from him with his own.

"My father is evil! He wanted me to stay inside all day and do chores! I want to see the world!... I never thought I would go on a time travel adventure with Okuni and Aya... I wish it was possible that Mago could have come..." Hui had no idea who she was talking about.

"Fragile girls like you should stay home and do chores! The world outside is not a kind place." Zhong Hui scolded her. He found himself doing the menial work and this life wasn't kind to him.

Gracia's eyes fired and she cracked her knuckles, "They all have been saying that to me! I will not stand for it no longer!... I just know my daddy will find me again! I can't return to the castle!"

"Wait, Who's your father?"

"He is the evil leech Mitsuhide Akechi!" She fumed.

"That fool... I didn't know he had a kid..." Hui fought off the urge to sneeze.

"He has many sons who had not made it out of the generic inferno except for me! His cute daughter!" Her angry composure changed dramatically into a happy one.

"You think you are cute... You are annoying more than cute." He said rudely.

"You are so mean! I was about to say your boy hair style is cute... You are kawaii!" She smiled and hugged him.

This statement infuriated Zhong Hui, "A man is not 'kawaii'! Get your arms off of me!"

"Putting yourself across as Mr. Perfect doesn't help you, either." Gracia's eyes went to a darker brick red.

"What!? I am perfect!"

"Mmrrh, I'll show you perfect!" Gracia pounced onto Zhong Hui biting his neck. Hui fell back onto the wooden floor. Gracia sat on top of him.

"Ow, ow! Get off of me! You just bit me! You animal!" Zhong Hui cried out in pain.

Hui touched his neck inspecting the damage. There was a mouth mark with fangs that pierced and there was blood.

"Oh the heavens! What have you done to me! I will never look the same!" Hui was about to push Gracia off of him. But she grasped his bloody hand and held them down. She forcibly kissed Zhong Hui.

Zhong Hui cried out for dear life, "Stop trying to rape me! Demon girl!"

"Mmmh, your blood taste perfect." She said licking blood off of Hui's hand.

Under normal circumstances, Zhong Hui would take that as a compliment. Which he... did. "My blood is perfect! Which means my heritage is of perfection and so I am the chosen one!"

"Chosen for what? By who?" Gracia inquired still licking her fingers.

Zhong Hui in truth had no idea. This was just crap he spat about, "...By the gods themselves! To be skilled and knowledgeable!"

"Yeah... You just seem like the boy who's mommy told him how important he was and was raised very spoiled." She rolled her eyes in disbelief. Her father did the same thing with his sons.

"Nonsense! I was raised very conservatively by my mother!" He defended lying to her.

"Liar! You are a mama's boy!" She poked Zhong Hui on the forehead.

There was a knock on the door. Gracia stood up and opened the door to gaze upon a very annoyed Mitsunari Ishida. With his arms crossed.

"Stop screaming and yelling, Gracia. I'm trying to do paper work." He said before she could ask for his issue with her.

"Work? We are not in Sengoku anymore! Ishida! So there is not much to do unless if it has something to do with the matrons." Gracia pointed out.

"Ugh... I don't know why I stayed with Okuni after she hit me on the head with her umbrella and bought me to Izumo... I'm not even a vampire..." Mitsunari thought to himself.

"Oh! You are getting fox ears!" Gracia tugged on two furry fox ears on his head.

"That is my headdress, Gracia." He swapped away her hands.

"No, Ishida! You must be part kitsune!" She gave him her mirror and giggled, "I'm surprised you don't have a tail."

Mitsunari stared at his reflection for a minute and tried not freak out and go out of character, "Ever since coming out of that portal, I believe reality has changed... Now I am sounding like Yoshitsugu if he was forced into this situation."

"Reality? What kind of reality?" Gracia requested, her hands on her hips.

"My knowledge about the supernatural is limited, Gracia." Mitsunari admitted honestly. "Whatever this fox part of me is... It has to have something to do with the mystic realm..."

"You seemed normal in the Orochi world."

"Truth. This 'reality' must be different from that one." Neither made sense.

"What are you working on?"

"Trying to understand the people of this era. Money, intelligence and language... I need Okuni's man servant to clean my room."

Gracia grunted and refused, "You can't have him at the moment." She closed her door softly.

Aya's voice echoed through out the hallway. Calling Mitsunari by name. "Mitsunari Ishida! Time for your lecture!"

He opened Gracia's door and closed it behind him. The Akechi girl returned to her room after him. Mitsunari totally disappeared.

"Zhong Hui, Where did that fox go to?"

Zhong Hui still laid on her floor still as a stick. "He is hiding."

"That fox is a coward."

"You are here for your daughter? Lord Mitsuhide Akechi?" Lian Shi replied to the man and his wife Hiroko, who stood in front of Okuni and herself.

"If you want her... We want equal in return." Okuni laid down their deal, "Like Yukimura Sanada."

"Yukimura is a bad egg, Okuni." Hiroko warned her, "He became a totally different person in undeath."

Mitsuhide called forth Yukimura from the group of followers behind him, "Why did you bring me here? Mitsuhide? We need to destroy my brother and the mortals who are hunting us, not chase after your worthless daughter!"

The only things that didn't change for Yuki was his readiness for a fight! Though in a fight he was a merciless and uncontrollable harbringer of death and blood letting!

"Yukimura, Stop being an asshole!" Mitsuhide slapped him on his face, "Once we get my daughter back, You will be handed over to Okuni."

"Only if Ina comes with me!" With that the Honda daughter stepped out as well. She stood beside Yukimura in agreement.

"I shall accompany you, Yukimura." She held his hand. Yuki nodded back.

"Come Gracia, We are going home." Her father said to her as she entered into the living room.

"FATHER! No! I'm not going back to the castle! I'm staying here!" Gracia stomped her foot on the wooden floor almost breaking it.

Zhong Hui jumped in on the scene with his flying stakes, "Gracia isn't going anywhere! Leave before someone is turned to dust!"

Before someone was staked the group heard moaning and groaning outside. Screams of terror. All the warriors ran outside and saw a horde of zombies running after humans under the dark night sky. Both Yukimura and Keiji ran after those lower forms of undead and wrecked hell upon the limitless horde.

"RRHHAAAGGGHH!"

"STOP TRYING TO STEAL OUR MEATIES!"

All the warriors back inside eventually joined the two fearsome warriors in raising hell.

Above on a clockwork dragon a group of Shu officers watched. Zhang Bao said, "Who the hell are they? They don't look Chinese?"

Guan Yin Ping alerted, "They are helping with destroying Jiang Wei's zombie horde."

Bao Sanniang licked Guan Suo, "They smell like undeath, too... Let's keep on going lady Yue Ying."

"Good idea" The red head replied. Liu Shan, Guan Xing and Xing Cai agreed with nodds. At lightning speed the dragon flew away with the shu officers.


End file.
